Friday, December 5, 2008


My previous blog entry, I'm certain, left everyone in a breathless state of panic, wondering how I would manage to extricate myself from these dire straits which threaten my very well being. Fear not goodpersons, for all is well. By employing my ingenuity and resourcefulness, I have managed to 'stick it to the man' in a most satisfying way.

As I type this, I am sitting on my couch and basking in the soft, comfortable glow of a shaded electric lamp, while my laptop computer is enjoying full power. How did I accomplish this? you might ask in wonderment. Here is the situation:

Currently, my car is parked in my driveway, idling. Follow an extension cord (to which the lamp and laptop are attached) and you will see that it travels through the drivers side window. The extension cord is plugged into a power inverter, which rests comfortably on the center console. The power inverter, in turn, is plugged into the cigarette lighter, which by way of the idling engine, provides the ample power that runs the laptop and lamp. All the comforts of electricity, and I am still able to enjoy the warmth of a well heated living room while my dinner cooks.

How is this possible? Why, I paid my gas bill, of course. Dinner and a comfortable environment shall not be denied.

Thursday, December 4, 2008


My electricity got shut off the other day. Why? Because I hate opening mail. I just flat out ignored my bill. It came as a total surprise when all the lights and fans and stuff went off. At first I thought that it was a neighborhood thing, that somebody had crashed into a telephone pole or a transformer had blown or something. I walked to my front door and looked outside, expecting to see others doing the same thing soon. I stood alone for a while. I went back inside and scratched my head and went to the fridge and opened it. The light didn't come on. Damn. I went back in my room and my fan wasn't blowing, so I turned it on. It was already on. Damn... oh yeah, the electricity. I sat down and read for a while, waiting for it to fix itself. About an hour went by and I went to the freezer to get a popsicle. I didn't hear any motors whirring or anything. WTF? I got a popsicle anyway. I went back in my room and was just about to turn on my fan... oh yeah. Electricity. I sat back down and read some more. Another hour went by and then I realized that all the electricity was off. WTF? I got up again and tried to turn on the bathroom light. It wouldn't come on. Shit. I turned on the water at the sink... hey, we still have water. About this time it occured to me that I might better start looking for the bill. I rummaged around for the better part of half an hour and finally found it shoved in a drawer in the living room lamp table. I opened it and sure enough, it had been shut off. Dammit.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Oh yeah...

I forgot about what happened the other day at work. Lets see, it was... Saturday, I think, and I was there alone because Ryan had gone to the bank. So this guy comes in and wants some cigarettes. I ask him for his ID, and by the look he gives me and the vocal inflection as he says 'yes', it seems as though he is put out by this, and doesn't immediately produce it. Instead, he pulls out his credit card and swipes it. Well, I can't run his card until I verify his ID by pressing a button on the screen, so I ask him again if i can see his ID. He looks daggers at me and says 'YES!' in a loud, obnoxious voice. So he opens his wallet and shows it to me. Well, I can get irritated just like everybody else, so I ask him to remove his ID from his wallet. Just because I can. So he throws his wallet on the counter and says 'You remove it. You can see that I'm injured here.' He raises his hand, and one of his fingers has a metal brace with a bandage wrapped around it. I hadn't noticed this before, so I say 'no, I didn't see that'. Anyway, he says 'forget it, I'll get my cigarettes somewhere else,' and he stalks off.

This fairly pisses me off, so as he's half way out the door, I do something I probably shouldn't have done. I say one word... 'attitude', fairly loudly, so that he can hear me. He's standing there with the door half open and he says something back to me, but I can't understand what it was. I wish I had heard what he said. Then he leaves.

In the entire year of working at 7-Eleven, I've never talked back to a customer or expressed anger in any way. I'm usually pretty good at holding it in, and I think I was pretty good there too. After all, I only said one word, and I didn't go off on him like I used to go off on people when I worked at Stop & Go back in '94.

I thought of some good things that I could have said to him after the fact that would have been completely in line and non-abrasive but which still would have put him in his place, but dammit, that's always the case. I can never think of the right thing to say at the moment when it's required.

Wake up

I fell asleep last night watching The Darjeeling Limited. I did that the other night watching Iron Man. I always wake up when the credits start to roll though, every time I fall asleep during a movie. It's like my brain is still listening to the movie, and now that the boring stuff is done, it's time to wake up so WAKE UP! Anyway, at the end of The Darjeeling Limited, a song is playing called Champs Elysees by NOFX. I dunno what else to say, it's just playing. Well, I take it back. I'll say this. It had a strange impact on my half-awake mind last night. The last time that happened was when I woke up to Porcelina by The Smashing Pumpkins, and before that, when I fell asleep to The Modern Things by Bjork. It really does make the song (usually it's a song, since I'm half-asleep and only hearing it) more... I dunno. Carved thusly into the brain or something. It's a singular experience, I suggest whoever reads this should try it. Although it isn't something you really plan, it just happens. Oh well.

Anyway it's morning now and my day off. It's cold. And last night was nice with the heater but dammit now it's too hot, so I turn it off and it gets too damn cold, wtf. So, what to do with my day off... hmmm... I think I'll read some more and maybe watch The Darjeeling Limited again. I think I'll watch all of Wes Andersons movies today, all in a row, starting from oldest to newest:

Bottle Rockets
The Royal Tenenbaums
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
The Darjeeling Limited

Yeah, that's a great way to piss off an entire day. I'm looking forward to it. But first:

je m'baladais sur l'avenue,
le coeur ouvert a l'inconnu.
j'a vais envie de dire bonjour a n'importe

qui n'importe qui et ce fut toi,
je t'ai dit n'importe quoi,
il suffisait de te parler,
pour t'apprivoiser.

aux champs-יlysיes,
aux champs-יlysיes
au soleil, sous la pluie, a midi ou a minuit,
il y a tout ce que vous voulez aux champs-יlysיes

tu m'as dit "j'ai rendez-vous
dans un sous-sol avec des fous,
qui vivent la guitare a la main,
du soir au matin".

alors je t'ai accompagnיe,
on a chantי, on a dansי et l'on n'a
mךme pas pensי a s'embrasser

aux champs-יlysיes,
aux champs-יlysיes
au soleil, sous la pluie, a midi ou a minuit,
il y a tout ce que vous voulez aux champs-יlysיes

Those are the lyrics to Champs Eylsees. If anyone knows what they mean, clue me in please. I can't find a translation.