Thursday, July 15, 2010

Things that happened

So I'm walking tonight, as I'm wont to do, and I took the other way instead of the normal way. For about 30 minutes I walk, going over things in my head. What does God want me to do? How do I do what God wants me to do? How do I find peace? Why am I here? All the usual questions that I already know the answers to. I stumbled twice at poignant moments, which is one of God's methods of slapping me upside the head. I may be clueless now, but at least I know I'm clueless. It's an infinitely far removed state of awareness from just having no idea at all. Comforting, too.

I passed this area that was woody and brambly and thick with green... right next to the road, which was kind of odd. That's what caught my attention. And there was a dark place where the brambles kind of separated, like a tunnel leading into the wilderness. How could I resist? I went into the tree tunnel, which was only about 4 feet high, so I had to stoop, which made me feel tall. So, I get inside the woody brambles, and the noise shuts down... no noise from the road or the city or the wind or anything. There was a path too, so I followed it. A path for midgets or leprechauns, I guess, because the roof of the bramble tunnel never rose higher than 4 feet. I followed this for about a hundred yards as it twisted and turned, and eventually realized I was in bum f'd Egypt. There was a little stream running right there too. It was surreal. There I was, in the wilderness, with green and branches and leaves and all kinds of wild plants everywhere, but at the same time, there was a dirt path leading through to this creek... but the path was not human sized. I wondered about this for a long time. I finally chalked it up to God giving me a little gift. It was quiet and green and dark and damp and earthy, with only the sound of a stream running by.

I followed the path back out and finally re-emerged and resumed my walk down the road. Eventually I noticed a guy in front of me who I was approaching, because he was taking his sweet time. He turned around once and looked at me, and my first reaction was to think, "Whatchoo lookin at?" I immediately chastised myself for that, and replaced the thought with "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, I'm your friend." A couple of minutes later, he turned around again and stayed turned around. He stopped and waited for me to catch up. We started walking together and talking. It was easy. He was a nice guy, named Rod, in Ketchikan for just a couple of days. We talked about ourselves, where we're from, what we're doing, this, that, the other. It was really nice. God once again shows me something, tries to teach me something. It happens all the time! Thank you God.

We parted ways when I reached my apartment. As I was crossing the street, a car was turning right there, so I high tailed it at top speed. As I got to the other side of the street, the car passed by and I heard "You're a fag." Well, I just seen red. I turned around and UP went the arm, and UP went the middle finger, and SCOWL went the face. It was a reflex reaction, almost like I had no control over it. I saw the car and it's occupants. Two really cute chicks, looking at me as I gave them the most hostile bird ever contrived, laughing their asses off.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

I am...

I am no longer 39. I am 29. I was born on March 25th 1981. Please observe that all official documents now reflect this. I'll probably die when I'm 100, making me 90. Just a heads up to the world.