Friday, July 30, 2010

Rule of Prayer

I think the reason why I'm failing now is that my prayer rule is too hard. I've been skipping prayers a lot because I have 8 pages of morning prayers and 8 pages of evening prayers, and when I say them I skip around a lot, and then feel rottten for skipping some of the prayers. Then on most days, I just skip them completely because I know I won't be able to say them all, or I'm just not in the mood to stand and pray for 20 minutes.

I realized this morning that I'm not ready for 8 pages of prayers twice a day. I've heard from various sources, including Fr. Justin, that it's better to say a short prayer from the heart than to struggle with a long prayer that is rushed through for the sake of 'getting it finished'. So I'm revising my prayer rule thusly:

Morning Prayers
The Trisagion and The Lords Prayer, with the first "Having arisen from sleep..."
Prayer of the Optina Elders

Mid-day Prayers
The Lords Prayer

Evening Prayers
The Trisagion and The Lords Prayer, with the first "Now that the day has come to a close..."
A Prayer to The Holy Trinity
The Orthodox Symbol of Faith
Prayers for friends and family members

And throughout the day, The Jesus Prayer, when I remember it, or when I'm out walking. Even now I feel bad for picking and choosing, but I have to remember that I will not grow into the spiritual person I need to be without adhering to a rule of prayer. Later, when I'm ready, I'll be able to pray more.

When I do pray, I often break down and weep, and that's what I need. A sacrifice to God is a broken spirit; a broken and humbled heart God will not despise. I have a white cloth on my prayer table that I wipe my tears with. I don't know where the cloth came from.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Saving money

So now I have to stop buying cigarettes and beer, because things are getting desperate. Business isn't going as great as it did last month, which is how I had my finances figured. Things might still pick up in August and September but if they don't, I have to readjust what I'm spending and what I'm saving. And that means no more cigarettes, and no more beer. As it stands now, I'm spending 50 dollars a week on cigarettes, and 40 dollars on beer. That's almost a hundred dollars a week more that I can save, and I have to, simply HAVE to save that money.

So, I get to stop smoking and drinking! YAY! Thanks, God. No, seriously. Thank you God.

Now I just have to actually do it.

And to top it off, we just discovered that a $350.00 handbag is missing. Some schmuck mucked it.