Saturday, January 1, 2011


I don't look up a lot when I'm checking at work, and last Thursday it took me a while to notice somebody standing to the side for a long time while I was checking a line of customers.  I looked up when I saw the person waving at me with my peripheral vision, and there was this cute girl, standing there and waving and smiling.  Even then I didn't recognize her and I kind of just smiled back with this silly grin.

She said, "Don't you remember me?"  I took another look at her and started tripping over my own thoughts... ummm... I know her, I've seen her before, I actually do know her somehow...

"Um um ummm... um um, um um ummm..." I said.  I kept looking at her and saying "um um ummm... um ummm... um, um um... um, ummm..." like a complete retard while quickly tapping the side of my hand into my palm, as if that would help me to remember.

"Meredith!" she said.

"Um um um... Meredith!" I said, one picosecond later, followed by several billion nanoseconds of awkward silence.

"Sure would be a crappy day to lock my keys in the car," she said.  It was raining outside.

DUH!  Ok I remembered her after that.  She had locked her keys in the car about a month ago and we had talked for about half an hour while I was outside cleaning the windows and while she waited for the locksmith.  They had charged her 80 bucks to unlock her car door.  I thought that was highway robbery and I offered to help her pay for it, but she declined, obviously horrified at the prospect.  I knew she'd probably be horrified, but I offered anyway, which was completely inappropriate, I know, but I'm a social retard.  Still, she must not have been completely creeped out because she'd invited me to see her perform in a play that night.  Of course I was working, and she said no prob, come to the one on Friday night.  And I forgot all about it, and I forgot all about her.  I'm a doofus.

I finished with the customer and handed the change to Meredith.  She looked at me like I was retarded, confirming my own suspicion, and said "Why are you handing me the change?"

And like a dunderhead, I said "My mental faculties have been compromised by your beauty and charm."  Then I  went red and graduated to Full Fledged Retard.  I don't remember exactly what happened after that except for thinking to myself, "self, there's a reason why you don't have a girlfriend, and that was it".