Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Up and down

Real life isn't like a book or a movie, where you can be sure that when you get to the worst part, you still know that everything is going to be all right.  It's not like that... when you get to the worst part in real life, it feels like it's the end.  It really does feel like the worst part, the real worst part, like there ain't no recovery from it.  That feeling is always real, and at the moment it's occurring it's always undeniably all-powerful.  I don't know how we pull ourselves out of that, what with it having really happened and everything.  Maybe it's because when we actually do feel it, when we're experiencing things as bad as they've ever been, and it feels like it can't get any worse, the reality of the situation is that things can get worse, and probably will, eventually.  But that also means that if things can and do get worse, that things can and do get better, and that there will be an end to what feels like the worst experience, ever.  This is what I've come to know, anyway. 

I sometimes marvel at how much the life I've already lived up until now is like a movie or a book.  How there has been bad awfulness, experiences that have felt like the end of life, yet there they are... just memories, followed by more memories of how things get better, after.  Then things get bad again, worse even... but they get better again, too.  Many, many times it's happened.  It will probably... no, certainly will happen again.  I dunno how many more times, but I do know that there will always be an end to the bad to make room for the beginning of the good, and this gives me the assurance that the bad has a life expectancy.  I don't always know how long that will be, but it's always a period of time that winds up being endurable.  I feel pretty sure right now that I'm not just speaking for myself, although I'm the only person I can speak for with any certainty.  Doesn't that sound retarded?  But I think it's true.

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