Saturday, August 1, 2015

The crack in my heart

Wow, what an indecipherably  beautiful night. It's like the light of the full moon is punching a hole through the sky. The longer I stare at the bright moon, and notice the things that it lights up around it, the deeper I sink into the dream hole.

I never used to fall into this strange place, where the beauty of the world somehow threatens my sanity. I never used to make googly eyes at the clouds or notice impossible beauty in mundane places.  Not like this, not the way I do nowadays.  It ain't my normal mode, I guess is what I'm trying to say.

I never wondered about it until tonight. The thing is, I think I overdosed on beauty this spring. I got used to nature blowing me away every single day. I still loved it, you know, it ain't like I got tired of it, but my tolerance for it rose, I think. 

Now it's been several weeks or maybe a month and a half since the last awesome storm, and I've been going cold turkey.  Well, not really... I've just been looking down instead of up, I guess. But tonight...

Anyway. My original point, my original epiphany, the idea that came to me, was that when I really really got my heart broken wide open for the first time... not just thought I did, but really did... just a little over 5 years ago, it never healed up all the way. Because, you know, heartbreak never actually gets a hundred percent better.

What happened though, was that all of the beauty in the world that I never used to notice, or only took for granted, is constantly falling into that crack in my heart.  That's what's happening. That's the reason for all the crazy weirdliness that I can't understand, but which seems to exude continuously from the pores of the living world.

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