Wednesday, November 4, 2015

My sky

Wow, I feel like I might fall over. My knees are kinda weak. Nothing to do with the ankle or the sore leg. A crazy moment just happened, a rare one out of a few... one out of maybe a dozen in a lifetime.
What happened was, I was out walking after work, as I am wont to do, and I was listening to Pearl Jam, as I usually want to do. I was listening to Black. That song goes way back for me as a heartbreak song. My first real heartbreak had that song in it... her name was Erica, and she's long gone. But my love for her is still there, in that song.
Isn't that funny? I hardly ever think of Erica anymore, but the love is still there, under a whole lotta cellar doors. And if they all get opened, there she is. That lovely hurt is right back on the surface, as fresh as a brand new wound, for a moment or two. It's not a bad thing... just a memory of a love that was, and of a feeling that still is.
It's like that for every girl I've ever sacrificed my heart to. There's a place in my heart that opens now and then for each one, and if you could watch an unfolding timeline of my entire life, those heart openings would be visible as major events, even though they're random and not really of a because. They happen, and they would be there, like bright red blood splatters, but pretty.
I know I digress a lot, so just know firstly that there is no secondly, and that I didn't forget about why I started writing this thing that I'm writing. It's because of a major event that happened tonight, and I felt that some exposition was needed before I got into it, and I think I've done that. I think I've expositioned what I need(ed) to say. I don't know what exposition means.
So I was walking along, it seems like eons ago now... Yeesh.
Anywho. I had just exited the C_V_S on University Drive, and I'd put my headphones back on to resume my Pearl Jamming. 'Why Go' was just finishing up, as it had been playing as I'd been checking out at the counter (I always take my headphones off when I'm at the checkout counter), and so the next song, 'Black', was happening as I put my headphones back on when I left the store.
I had just gotten to Carroll, walking down Sherman, when the song got to that part... you know that part, it goes like this...
"I know someday
You'll have a beautiful life.
I know you'll be a star
In somebody else's sky,
But why can't it be mine?"
And just as the memories were opening up because of the music, and just as I was starting to think about putting Leah into that memory, because I still dream about her almost every night for years and since, and because I haven't buried my love for her hurt yet...
And just as that was about to become a thing that happened, I saw a shooting star. Really bright and really brief. Black and brief, in my sky, I think... wasn't that my sky?

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