Friday, December 18, 2015

Raccoons are stupid.

Uh... ok, that's not something you see everyday.  Allow me to elucidate.

So, what happened was, I had just walked back to the Shmelvin Elvin  after work to retrieve my reading glasses, and while I was there, Mr. Chin bought me a beer (remember, I wrote a little thing about that wallago), and then I headed back to my compartment.

As I was walking past the swimming pool, I heard a ruckus of rustling leaves behind me. I figured it was either the wind or some other pedestrian, kicking his/her way through autumn's golden gown, so I didn't give it another thought.

Then it happened again, but closer and quite a bit more ruckus'd up than before. So, what I did was I turned around to see what was ruckusing up the leaves, and what the heck did I see barreling down the breezeway, heading straight toward me, hell bent for hash browns, were two big fat raccoons - so big and fat, I thought that they were dogs at first.

Well, those Supercoons didn't look like they were in agreeance with the idea of changing direction, and according to Newton's first law of motion, which states -

'Every big giant fat raccoon or pair of great big giant fat raccoons, in a state of uniform motion, tends to or will tend to remain in that state of motion, unless an external force is applied to it or them.'

- I decided right then and there that I did not want to be that external force, so I stepped out of the  breezeway... and I'm glad I did, because otherwise I would have been like... POW!... you know, like... KAPOW!... like when Charlie Brown gets nailed by a line drive that knocks him ass-over-tea kettle and right out of his clothes.

As that was happening, I was fairly shouting, "Look, look at those two raccoons, look at those two big ass giant raccoons, look, look at that, oh... look at 'em, they just went 'round the corner, look at those coons, damn ain't they big, look at 'em go!" to nobody in particular, as there wasn't anybody around anyway.

After about five seconds of quiet, I heard this 'ACK ACK AAAACK... ARP! ARP! YIP -  AAAAAAAK!' sound, like a dog getting put through a machine, so I did the only thing I could do. I tore off after those two raccoons and around the corner!

And guess what I saw. Just take a wild guess. What I saw around the corner. Go ahead, I'll wait.


Yup, you guessed it. Two big fat raccoons humping like there was no tomorrow.

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