My immediate peril

Ok. OK OK OK!

This has happened before, what I'm about to describe, and it serves to demonstrate my immediate peril. My life, that is. Danger Wil Robinson! DANGER, YOU STUPID KNUCKLEHEAD!

What happened before was this:

About a year ago, I had clocked out from work, and I had just about made it to the curb when I almost turned myself inside out, screaming inside of my head:

OH MY GOODNESS OH MY GOODNESS OH MY GOODNESS WHERE'S MY WHERE'S MY PHONE WHERE'S MY PHONE???

I went cacadoodypoopoo crazy for almost an hour looking for that dadgum phone, and I'd just about driven the guys on third shift bananas going on and on and on with all of my goings on about it. Every time I'd come frantically pinwheeling back into the store, screaming about the stupid thing, they'd go:

DIDJA FIND IT DIDJA FIND IT DIDJA FIND IT???

Everybody almost had a stroke that night. Then what happened was this loud, smelly fart sound with the wha-wha-wha-wha-WHAAAAAAAAAAA....!!! trombone thing that signifyies the announcement of the stupid loser. Here he is, the moron, the dumbass, the guy with the minus 4000 IQ, in the flesh. And that's when I discovered the phone, plugged up and charging, just where I'd left it, on purpose.

That whole thing just happened again tonight.

See, what worries me is this... One day this scenario will play out, YET AGAIN... only next time when it does, I'll DIE!!!

Because it won't be my phone I've misplaced, it'll be my DIALYSIS MACHINE!!!