Tuesday, May 11, 2010


Ugh. I feel like I'm a stranger in my own body. I've been just so hateful and angry lately, and I am not like that... it's not who I am. My God, what have I done.

I don't think I would have reacted this intensely and vehemently if my soul weren't at stake. Spiritual warfare is hard, and there are a lot of casualties. I never thought I could be so hateful. I think back to the past couple of days and it feels like I am in somebody else's head and experiencing their memories, not mine.

So, this is what it feels like to finally let it all out. It's not a relief like I thought it would be. It's just a permeating sadness accompanied by the realization that I've hurt someone I love and added even more pain to this situation, all for the sake of my selfish pride. I will not allow this to happen again. I probably wouldn't have learned this any other way though... but what kind of damage have I done for the sake of a lesson in humility, love and forgiveness?

I promise to make up for it somehow.

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