This
here, what I'm about to inflict upon whoever happens to read it, is for
any atheists or agnostics... and for me, the constant doubter. But
before I proceed, I'd like to establish a common denominator or
something. You know - a place from which to firmly ground this fountain
of bullshit that I've long espoused, upon which I'm about to
embark.
But first... this just happened, and I gotta
mention it. I'm walking, and it's dark, but there's some city light
reflecting off of the low cloud layer. And as I'm walking and composing
this story, I see to my immediate right, not ten feet away, on the
other side of this barbed wire fence which I hadn't previously noticed, a
miniature white horse galloping full speed, right past me, as if that
were the most normal thing in the world to see at 4:30 a.m. on N. Locust
in Denton, Texas. So, yeah. That just happened.
Anywho, what was I talking about?
Oh yeah. Ain't consciousness and awareness just really f'd up? Its
like... you know, just think about it. This whole self-contained
aliveness thing, this first person perspective we all have of piloting
these meat machines from inside our own personal bone canisters, like
H.G. Wells's Martians tromping around, ensconced in the hoods of their
fighting machines, clumsily stomping this way and that way, observing
and thinking and doing and trying to figure things out and be happy as
we stomp around - amateur pilots at the helm of these miraculous organic
engines - trying to connect and communicate and discover some kind of
meaning to existence, but mostly just being giant douche bags to each
other and to everything around us.
I digress, though - what I
originally was saying was this: just take a look at existence around
you. It doesn't have to be a long examination... just a brief glance.
Life everywhere, right? Or the product of life? And not just life, but
other things; all of which are held together by this ubiquitous 'thing'
called the strong nuclear force, and another thing - a reality bending
something or another called 'gravity' - which occurs as a result of the
existence of every single thing, now and forever. And with all of this
going on, the circumstance which describes the end result of trillions
of different combinations of the raw materials comprising the universe
agree with a particular outcome which can only be described by life
itself.
Now, with all of that craziness actually being a real
thing, how can anyone conclude that it is all a result of the
completely random and unconscious processes of nature, which also happen
to follow some arbitrary laws which ARE, for supposedly no reason at
all? Man. Man, oh man. Sometimes it's the easiest thing in the world
to have faith.
This is what I find myself thinking when I'm
having doubts about God. It always serves to kick my mental ass and
spiritual health back into gear.
