Tonight

Tonight a pretty girl blew me a kiss.  Later, another pretty girl gave me a kiss.  There was a party, but I didn't stay.  I don't know how to be at a party anymore.  Like I ever did... but I'm an old man now anyway, so I've been out walking and reading, like I normally do.  I'm tired now, so I think I'll sleep.  I really don't know anything at all, not a damn thing.  The kisses were nice though.

Thoroughly

I think I'm getting an inkling of what I need to do.  I need to get away from all of this.  I want to do that too.  I'm stuck here, though.  I feel so very thoroughly fucked.  It seems unfair, I'm stuck.  Not just a mental thing.  I'm STUCK.  I feel like I've been handed the key to everything, but the key is red hot, molten, full of painful heat upon heat upon heat.  I can live through that, but who can decide to grab hold of something that hot and keep hold of it until it cools down?  It's not a matter of just deciding.  There are consequences, physical, painful consequences.