Sadness

Here is a feeling of truth.  I have an extreme sadness.  I'm surrounded by people, good people who care.  I'm alone inside myself.  A sadness is debilitating, paralyzing, and it insinuates itself into my cells, from the inside out.  It's a thing that makes me very tired.  I'm so tired of it.  I wish I could peel myself open with a scalpel, layer by layer, and scrape out this disease with a paring knife.  It's so heavy and demanding.  I feel like once it turns me gray all the way through, I'll just switch off like a blown fuse.  Maybe a loud pop first.