Thoroughly

I think I'm getting an inkling of what I need to do.  I need to get away from all of this.  I want to do that too.  I'm stuck here, though.  I feel so very thoroughly fucked.  It seems unfair, I'm stuck.  Not just a mental thing.  I'm STUCK.  I feel like I've been handed the key to everything, but the key is red hot, molten, full of painful heat upon heat upon heat.  I can live through that, but who can decide to grab hold of something that hot and keep hold of it until it cools down?  It's not a matter of just deciding.  There are consequences, physical, painful consequences.