Figuring this out

It's amazing how much I miss her.  I'm amazed at it - the empty feeling I get when I think of her.  The pain is fading; has been for a good long while, as pain always does with these things... but as the pain diminishes, the feeling of missing her grows.  I don't know if this is a good or a bad thing.  If I were to stop going to church, forget about being Orthodox, and just pretend that the last two years never happened, I'm sure all of these feelings concerning her would fade pretty quickly.  It's funny how all of this is tied to the church.  It's like, that's why this is important, or something.  Figuring this out.  Because of the church.