The Retarded Side of The Force!

Oh, how I have fantasized about murdering Jar Jar Binks for the last twenty years. First degree, premeditated murder. Here's how I imagine it, step by step.

1. Tap that living insult to morons on the shoulder.

2. As it turns to face me -

SMASH! There go those ridiculous dentures, right down its' fucking gullet with the butt-end of my blaster!

3. Serious death occurs now as my blaster, set to fully automatic, happens hundreds of times to Jar Jars' face.

4. Jar Jar finally hits the ground, flopping. 

I've spent almost a quarter of a century as a haunted man, pondering this crime committed against Star Wars. Why was the fourth bonafide Star Wars movie presented as an exquisite turd and then served to us on a plate of bone china? 

Here's what I think happened.

One Friday evening, evolution must have been REALLY tired after trying to make sense of the latest assignment handed to it by the Universe - evolving the Gungan. 

It's not hard to imagine a thoroughly frustrated evolution sharpening pencils, tearing holes in the blueprints with used up erasers, knocking over the coffee in the process, all the while frequently glancing up at the clock until it FINALLY advanced to 5:30 pm, then -

"Fuck this, It's Hammertime!" 

And out the door evolution went in the flick of a millennia, off to get thoroughly hammered.

Now imagine some brown nosing intern working overtime at the evolution factory and deciding to have a crack at these Gungan creatures over the weekend... and ohmygod. When evolution showed up to work Monday morning, still half drunk and hung over, it must have taken one look at what the intern had done and just said, 

"Fuck it. That's a Gungan."

Remember a long time ago, in a theater far far away near you, when Jar Jar Binks was first unleashed upon us? I bought a ticket for The Phantom Menace on the day it was released, and eagerly took my seat in arguably the shittiest seat in a theater jam-packed with Star Wars nerds. I didn't care! I was about to see the first Star Wars movie in 16 years!

I left the theater that day, scratching my head and thinking...

WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED? 

Something had just gone spectacularly wrong with Star Wars, as if millions of Star Wars fans had suddenly cried out in terror. However, I decided to give The Phantom Menace the benefit of the doubt. I bought ANOTHER ticket, hoping beyond hope that this time Qui Gon Jin would simply take a couple of steps back and allow that troop carrier to smear Jar Jar Binks across the forest floor and into a delicious, Jar Jar flavored paste.

NOPE!

It took years of denial for the enormity of it to sink in. Gungans. That's what had happened to Star Wars. Fucking Gungans! Because of those goddamn things, I've been suffering from Star Wars PTSD for twenty years! I'm now permanently FUCKED IN THE HEAD!

Ok, everybody pay attention, because this is what happens when evolution shows up to work drunk -

After a couple of shots of hair of the dog, followed by carefully cramming one last 'fuck it' into a space clearly labeled 'shits left to give', then hammering a handful of Legos from the Abomination Box into that exact same space, what emerged was a race of semi-sentient cartoons with an overdose of permanent retarded built right in! And ever since evolution went Full-On Retard, Gungans have been on the production line, with no sign of running out! 

So, one may as well beg the question:

"Is it possible that a Gungan genius might actually get shat out into the general population now and then?"

Yes! However, other than naturally knowing shit from shinola while navigating alien planets on foot, a Gungan genius merely rivals the intelligence of a Kowakian monkey-lizard.

Since we've been reduced to begging questions about Gungans:

"Are 'retarded' Gungans possible? "

YUP! But only rarely does a creature so magnificently stupid survive instant murder. Guess who? I'm referring to Jar Jar Binks, of course. According to Jar Jar, it's because, "Meesa... clumsy." 

Yeah, yousa clumsy all right, Jar Jar. Clumsily shitting directly into the public cistern will get you pyoonished by Boss Nass, the Lord Marshall of The Morons! Even millions of exceptionally stupid creatures have their limits.

Here's a horrible tidbit of info. The Gungan tongue occupies precisely 99.999% of the space inside its' skull, restricting the maximum size of a Gungan brain to about a cubic millimeter. In Jar Jars' case, that cubic millimeter houses almost exactly an extra cubic millimeter of the tongue apparatus, which is constantly squishing against TWO NEURONS... and that goddamn tongue is hammering against them ceaselessly as it deploys, again and again! 

Like Frodo Baggins, I frequently call out into the void and ask, "Why did this have to happen to Star Wars in MY time?"

The answer arrived as an epiphany the other day as I was imagining torturing Jar Jar Binks for the eleventy-zillionth time. During this particular occasion, I was happily deep frying one side of his noggin in a frying pan filled with the rendered lard of his opposite ear.

Observe.

Jar Jar Binks: "Meesa Senator of allsa Naboo! Meesa help make Grand Republics! Whysa you always torturing meesa?"

\Me: "My dear Jar Jar... what a deliciously ironic question. I, too, often ask this question. Not TO you, but OF you! As for whysa I'm doing this? Since it's impossible to outright murder you, it's just revenge,  pure and simple. Your very existence is an insult to a galaxy filled with common morons! Jar Jar, if the Universe decided to commit suicide, it would be because of you - the ultimate 'I'M SORRY!' of creation!"

Jar Jar Binks: "But meesa still not knowing why... OW!"

Me: "Yeah, I know. It's because you're a retarded mongoloid. Now shut up, I'm trying to think." 

That ridiculous tongue simply had to go this time, and for good. In my mind, I unrolled Jar Jars' tongue with a set of red hot forceps, amputated it with a dull deer antler, and shoved it down his throat. The resulting peace and quiet nudged the afore-alluded to epiphany into existence! 

Consider...

What if Jar Jar Binks has Force mind control over those around him? Would this not explain why he is inexplicably tolerated by those within his sphere of influence, allowing him to hitch-hike through the entire Phantom Menace without serving a SINGLE PURPOSE? 

Jar Jar also manages the impressive feat of NOT getting instantly murdered, while constantly navigating through a quagmire of fuck-ups! What else could explain the toleration of Jar Jar Binks by the people he inflicts himself upon, except through some bizarre machination of the Force? 

WHAT IF -

Jar Jar Binks is... I suppose we need to call him something. A Shith Lord? Yeah, that works! What if Jar Jar Binks is a Shith Lord, and master of a previously unrecognized RETARDED SIDE OF THE FORCE? What if... a single midichlorian in his bloodstream randomly mutated, and then grew exponentially, like a retarded midichlorian tumor?

Here we have a creature described by Qui Gon Jin as 'brainless', mere seconds after he encounters it. A one-in-a-trillion creature, who's truly a master of all things retarded, INCLUDING THE RETARDED SIDE OF THE FORCE! I know, a seemingly inescapable oxymoron, but... 

THERE HE IS!

Jar Jar Binks is a genetic fuck-up of such profound stupidity that minutes after setting foot on Tatooine, he steps squarely into a pile of bantha shit. I'll bet he even gets some on his tongue! Is this not evidence that a hitherto unknown retarded side of the Force is guiding his every STEP?

I understand that this explanation remains unsatisfying. So, we can either accept this distasteful truth, or we can sacrifice the truth for the comfort of lies. However, not only does that way lead to the dark side of the Force, but now there's the retarded side of the Force to deal with, too!

In order to supply myself with at least a modicum of comfort, I find it very handy to apply the principle of Occums' Razor -

"The simpler explanation which accounts for all the facts is more likely to be correct." 

With that in mind, which is more likely? 

Door #1. Jar Jar Binks miraculously bumblefucks through life without getting murdered. 

Door #2. Jar Jar Binks is an unwitting Shith Lord, and he constantly wields this retarded power with the awareness of an infant in possession of a Force powered paddle ball of intolerable annoyance, and quite frequently, random destruction!

Or...

Door #3. Door #2!

Occums' Razor demands the simplest explanation! It's Door #3, of course! How else can Jar Jars' rise to prominence be explained, except via some harum-scarum stratagem conjured by the mindless apparatus of the retarded side of the Force? 

And what kind of planet would actually elect Jar Jar Binks as their representative in the senate of the Galactic Republic? I'll tell you what kind. One with an entire population compelled by retarded Force mind control!

Still, amidst this clusterfuck of brand new information delivered with the Force of a hyper-drive powered kick right to the balls, one glaring question remains which simply cannot be overlooked. 

What about Anakin? HUH? Remember him?

Think about it. If Anakin really was created as the result of immaculate conception by a bloodborne pathogen in order to fulfill the prophecy of the Chosen One, then why did he go and do the exact opposite of that? And how exactly was Anakin supposed to be the Jesus Christ of Jedi Knights and bring balance to the Force -

Which, by the way, George Lucas took a galaxy sized shit upon by explaining away what made the Force so damn cool to begin with, the very MYSTICISM of it, with... midichlorians? FUCK THOSE THINGS, FUCK THE VERY IDEA OF THEM SIDEWAYS, FOREVER!

- if he, along with every Jedi Knight and Sith Lord for thousands of generations had never even caught a whiff of the retarded side of the Force? HUH?

JUST WHAT THE HELL WAS THE PHANTOM MENACE ALL ABOUT THEN, ANYWAY? INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW, DAMMIT!

Well, guess what? Yup, I have the answer to that question, too! And no, the 'Phantom Menace' isn't Senator Palpatine. True, he's a menace, and yes, he manages to hide his dark nature from the entire galaxy... thus, the 'Phantom' metaphor. But by now it should be obvious who and what the REAL Phantom Menace is. It's Jar Jar Binks! By his mere existence, Jar Jar is enough of a 'Menace' already. However, it's his undetectable nature as Shith Lord that makes Jar Jar Binks the true 'Phantom' Menace!

Now. 

Imagine this alternate scenario of events, if The Retarded Side of the Force had been discovered while Obi-Wan and Darth Vader were dueling on the Death Star, just as the Millennium Falcon was about to make its escape.

FASTEN YOUR SEAT BELTS KIDDOS', BECAUSE THIS RIDE IS ABOUT TO GO OFF THE RAILS!

.

.

.Obi Wan: "You can't win, Darth. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful..."

...awkward moment...

Together: "WHAT THE FUCK?"

...slow comprehension between the two of them...

Darth Vader: "Did YOU know about this, uh, Retarded Side of the Force, my old Master?"

Obi Wan: "Huh? You mean... I mean, A Retarded Side? Of The Force? Of course not!" 

...suspicious pause...

Obi Wan: "Did YOU know about it, Darth?"

Darth Vader: "What? I just asked you the same question! I mean, one minute we're dueling like the old days, and the next, it was as if a brand new dimension of The Force was simply FORCED into my awareness!"

Obi Wan: "Yes, that's it exactly! However, and no offense Darth, but you're about as dumb as a bag of hydro-spanners. You demonstrated that quite clearly, decades ago when I held the high ground, but you decided it would be a good idea to perform a perfect triple gainer directly into a whirling lightsaber. So, with my obviously superior intellect, I can only assume that reality must have been SHIFTED, just now, in some inexplicable way which I still don't fully comprehend. I should have detected this - Retarded Side of the Force, for God's sake! - back when I was still just a youngling!"

Darth Vader: "Really? It IS a shock, admittedly, but I'm not the one having a hard time coming to terms with it. I can't imagine what it's like for YOU, having spent the entirety of your life believing that you're actually smarter than the average bear, only to discover that you're only just a little bit smarter than the average retard! Anyway. Where was I? Oh yeah. The circle is now complete. When I left you, I was but the learner. Now I am the Master. Also, Occams' Razor suggests..."

Obi Wan: "Yes yes, I know all about Occams' Razor. I'm the one who taught YOU about it -"

Darth Vader: "No you didn't."

Obi Wan: "Yeah, I did. And you're only a master of evil, Darth, and a master of changing the subject. I'm still WAY smarter than you.'

Darth Vader: "No you're not."

Obi Wan: "I wonder, are there even any midichlorians left floating around in there, ever since I carefully disassembled you back on Mustafar? Or did they all abandon ship after you jumped headfirst into a lightsaber powered woodchipper? The last I saw, I had YOUR lightsaber, and you were an on fire torso, with a head and one mechanical arm! Now look at you. My, how you've grown. You're practically a walking, talking gee-gaw. Lemme guess. One of those buttons on your chest is a midichlorian recharge button?"

Darth Vader: "Impressive... most impressive. Yoda - I mean, Qui Gon - has taught you well... you know, I've often wondered, but never gave enough of a shit to ask... but now that the question is up in the air, who the hell was the Jedi Master who taught you when you were a padawan learner, anyway? Yoda or Qui Gon? You told Luke it was Yoda, but then, when I was just an annoying little brat on Tatooine, weren't you Qui Gons' padawan learner? I'm pretty sure I remember that. You know, way back when you guys showed up on Tatooine and kidnapped me? Forget it. Who cares? Its just another completely obvious Star Wars fuck-up. Anyway, yes. It's this button which injects midichlorians directly into my circulatory system. And the one right next to it is for methamphetamine... comes in real handy when I actually get to fight with my lightsaber. And this one, right under the meth button, is for heroin. And right beside that one, this one is for DMT, and THAT one is Valium. Oh yeah, and THIS one is for MDMA..."

Obi Wan: "Yeah yeah, I can understand how you'd need drugs just to stick it, what with being forever stuck inside that real comfy looking costume. I'll bet you just drift right off to sleep in that thing at bedtime, huh Darth?"

Darth Vader: "As I indicated, this button is for Valium. And you interrupted me before I could show you this one, the most kick-ass one of all, which is for the Ketamine Hole..."

Obi Wan: "Oh for Gods' sake, I'm sorry I ever mentioned the buttons! You know, Darth, everything was going great until you had to go and join forces with that Olden Fart, Palpatine. I mean, one second you're practically a Jedi Master, then... BOOYAH! After a lifetime of training, you're instantly demoted to a lowly Sith apprentice."

...laborious but somehow ominous breathing...

Darth Vader: "I AM a DARK LORD of the SITH!"

Obi Wan: "Bullshit you're not, not as long as your Master, Emperor Palpatine, still runs the show. Remember the Sith Rule of Two? What, did you think you're special somehow? One Sith Lord, one Sith apprentice. You're no Sith Lord. You're merely a squire for Darth Sidious!"

...laborious but somehow chagrined breathing...

Darth Vader: "...Why, you obnoxious, geriatric old bastard - fuck you, man! And even if what you say is true, AND I'M NOT SAYING IT IS, but if it was, how is that any different than when I was a Jedi, but the Jedi Council kept refusing to promote me to Jedi Master? Even though I could have kicked all of your asses at the same time? HUH? Riddle me that! Besides, If I killed Palpatine - which I totally could do anytime I wanted, by the way - then I'd have to go looking for my own Sith apprentice. Yeesh! What a hassle."

Obi Wan: "Oh. Is that the real reason? Or isn't it that you're just scared of getting your ass kicked by the Emperor? You're just a big fat fraidy cat! And it's not like there isn't a veritable pool of millions of potential Sith apprentice candidates to choose from. What about all of those stormtroopers who call you 'Padawan Vader' behind your back? Surely at least ONE of them are Force sensitive, now that they're not just a bunch of retarded clones anymore."

Darth Vader: "WHAT? You... that's not true, you just made that up! Your powers are weak, old man!"

Obi Wan: "Yeah? Who's the Jedi Master here, and who's the pathetic Sith apprentice?"

Darth Vader: "At least I'm not the one who's been hiding in a cave on Tatooine for two decades. I'VE been ruling the Galactic Empire!"

Obi Wan: "HA! Now that's hilarious. NEWS FLASH, Darth! Palpatine, aka THE EMPEROR, is the one who's been ruling the Galactic Empire. In fact, according to the political hierarchy of the Empire, aren't you supposed to be Vice Emperor, or something? Yet, from what I've heard, this... Grand Moff Tarkin - who you totally outrank, by the way - has you by the short and curlies. Do you deny that Grand Moff Tarkin is, in fact, holding your leash? Why do you think the Emperor put you on a leash and gave it to Tarkin to begin with? Maybe to keep you from Force choking every valuable, high ranking official who happens to piss you off at board meetings by pointing out, and rightly so, your sad devotion to The Dark Side of The Force? How humiliating!"

Darth Vader: "Why you! You... ancient, shriveled up, petrified Jawa turd..."

Obi Wan: "Come on Darth. You used to be kinda cool, but ever since you turned to The Dark Side, you wield your power like a youngling throwing a temper tantrum. And I don't need to use The Force to sense that you've shit your suit. My olfactory senses can perform that function without any help, thank you. So, is it possible for you to at least try to retain some dignity?"

...awkward silence...

Darth Vader: "Aw, fuck it! Very well. You're right, it's humiliating. PLUS, this recently acquired knowledge of a previously undetected Retarded Side of The Force, which has apparently been hiding in plain sight for thousands of generations of both Sith and Jedi, has me somewhat discombobulated. BUT! I don't even have to SMELL it to know that you've also shit YOUR garments. There's a freshly laid turd, right at your feet." 

Obi Wan: "What? Where? I..."

Darth Vader: "I'm looking at it right now. WHOOPS! Uh oh, you just stepped in your own shit! HA!"

Obi Wan: "Oh, yuck... Ok, ok! This bickering is pointless. I think we've both established clearly that neither of us ever, ever ever EVER had an inkling that there was a Retarded Side of The Force."

Darth Vader: "And also that we've both apparently shat our robes, as a consequence of the shock upon receiving this new revelation."

Obi Wan: "Yes, I suppose so. Unlike the Retarded Side of the Force, the smell of shit is impossible NOT to notice."

Darth Vader: "Impossible NOT to notice unless you've already stepped in it! BWAHAHA!"

...meanwhile...

Luke: "Wait a minute. What's Ben doing over there? Who's that other guy? Ohmygod! Are they fighting laser swords at each other??"

Han Solo: "Blast the door, kid! Hey, where's that princess of yours... Huh? Say again, Chewie? Oh, Lord have mercy. Hey, your Royal Majesticfullness! Quit farting around over there, the Millennium Falcon is THIS WAY!"

Princess Leia: "Somebody has to save our skins!"

Han Solo: "WHAT THE FUCK? You're just firing your blaster, over and over, set on STUN! for Gods' sake, at the same door that the kid just blasted!"

Princess Leia: "Somebody has to save our skins!"

Han Solo: "Oh my God. Chewie! Go grab that nut and put her on the Falcon! Lock her in the smuggling compartment."

Chewie: "Arrgghllgglle!"

Princess Leia: "Somebody has to save our... Hey! Lemme go, you big walking carpet!"

Chewie: "Blarrgghllgglle!"

Han Solo: "You said it, Chewie."

Princess Leia: "Excuse me??"

Threepio: "If I may, Princess Leia, I believe Chewbacca just referred to you as 'One Royal Pain in the Ass'!"

Princess Leia: "WHAT? I was trying to save our skins... :::GASP:::! You came in that thing? You're even stupider than I thought!"

...meanwhile, meanwhile...

Luke: "Ben! Come on, we're about to escape!"

Obi Wan: "Run Luke, Run! Darth and I have suddenly discovered much more important things to... uh, talk about. And we both need to change our garments! That's definitely going to take a while. Anyway, go on, I'll catch up! Hurry! Don't worry, I'll be safe."

Luke: "Uh, ok, if you say so, Ben.

Threepio: "Now that things have calmed down considerably, would it be proper to suggest that Artoo should reactivate the garbage mashers on the detention level? Artoo? The computers, please?"

Artoo: "Tweet!" (I'm not permitted in there, it's restricted.)

Threepio: "Why, you malfunctioning little twerp!"

...uncomfortable silence...

Darth Vader: "Uh, what exactly is my old protocol droid doing here? I specifically programmed that thing for etiquette and protocol, and for helping mom around the house. Shouldn't it at least be helping SOMEBODY around the house? Or doing etiquette and protocol somewhere?"

Obi Wan: "Nevermind! Just try to forget that shiny, solid gold plot hole for now. And the other one too, that Artoo unit. Hell, I don't even remember ever owning a droid, but R2D2 claims that we were best friends for years during the Clone Wars... anyway, this sudden appearance of a Retarded Side of The Force is of much more import. You see, I don't think it's an accident that we've both been made aware of a retarded nature of The Force just now, simultaneously. I sense the presence of my old Master, Qui Gon Jin - yes, he is communicating with us through the Living Force! He's, uh, over there. Yeah, crouched behind the soda machine. His Force Ghost! Do you see him, Darth?"

Darth Vader: "Ah. Yes, I see his Force Ghost. So, Qui Gons' spirit managed to endure after getting his ass handed to him by Darth Maul?"

Obi Wan: "That's hardly fair. That red, transparent force field closed right before I got there, or else we would have turned that butt-ugly demon looking thing into pimento loaf."

Darth Vader: "Maybe you should have used Force speed. Remember when you guys did that to run away from the Droidekas thirty years ago, on that Trade Federation ship?"

Obi Wan: "I was still a padawan then!"

Darth Vader: "Not according to the opening title crawl, which specifically mentions TWO Jedi Knights. So does that protocol Droid, TC-14 - 'The Ambassadors are Jedi Knights, I believe.' I'm pretty sure that's what it said to Nute Gunray. Oh. And the tea that TC-14 brought you could have been poisoned, you know. That was really stupid when both of you guys just slurped it right on down, especially considering that mere moments later, poisonous gas was being pumped blatantly into the waiting room, where both of you were so nonchalantly slurping down that tea!"

Obi Wan: "Whatever."

Darth Vader: "Well. I don't see why Qui Gon gets to live forever as a Force Ghost. For a Jedi Master, he wasn't exactly ethical. He basically lied and cheated the whole time he was on Tatooine."

Obi Wan: "Darth, shhhh! Qui Gon is trying to tell me something! He's saying... Everything that he did on Tatooine all those years ago to acquire a new hyperdrive - all the begging, borrowing, drinking, smoking, bragging, showing off his lightsaber, throwing it like a boomerang in barber shops, racial insults, calling Jabba the Hutt a swollen garbage bag, picking fights with little kids, walking out on bar tabs, lying, cheating at Chinese checkers, stealing, shitting in public, pissing in peoples' hats, coughing up loogies and spitting them into the public cistern, soothsaying, slandering, witchcraft, drug dealing, poaching, bounty hunting, pirating, profiteering, pillaging, kidnapping, pimping, raping, human and alien trafficking, torture, dismemberment, murdering jawas and sand people for sport, serial killing, assassinating, propaganda, political intrigue, weapons dealing, backstabbing, double dealing, treason, warmongering, wanton misuse of The Force, unsolicited telemarketing, practical jokes, outright jackassery, blaming his farts on other people, ALL OF IT - was because, unbeknownst to him, he was being manipulated by the Retarded Side of the Force! And that Jar Jar Binks was the source of it!"

Darth Vader: "Jar Jar Binks? I always hated that retarded creature. Ok, yeah. If there's a Retarded Side of The Force, it's definitely lingering around that thing."

Obi Wan: "Say again, Qui Gon? Uh... you sure about that? Absolutely sure? Well, ok, I guess. Hey Darth, you're not going to like this. Qui Gon says that we both need to kill each other, right now! He promises that we'll both be Force Ghosts! He says -"

Darth Vader: "WHAT?!"

Obi Wan: "Just hang on and let me explain. Ok. Remember when Jar Jar Binks was the Senator for Naboo - I can see you rolling your eyes inside that helmet, Darth. I know, ridiculous, right? Go figure. Anyway, remember that one time when Jar Jar referred to the entire Senate as 'Dellow Felagates'?" 

Darth Vader: "Ohmygod, yes. I hadn't even teamed up with the Dark Side yet when that happened, and I still wanted to throttle that retarded creature."

Obi Wan: "Yeah, me too! But right after that, remember when Jar Jars' fried, smoking carcass was found outside the Senate building with his tongue wrapped around that negative power flux coupling?"

Darth Vader: "Oh yeah, I remember that, too! I was so happy that Jar Jar had somehow, against all odds, finally managed to murder himself. Good times, good times!"

Obi Wan: "Yup, good times. Anyway, here's what Qui Gon is saying. Right after Jar Jar said that - WHAT? Holy shit...ohmygod, it was Senator Palpatine! HE murdered Jar Jar with Force lightning, simply for uttering something so unforgivably retarded on galaxy-wide 3V!"

Darth Vader: "WOW! You know, there was always something I liked about that guy."

Obi Wan: "Yeah. He's a Sith Lord, you jackass! Wait... Uh huh. WHAT? Oh shit. Hey Darth. You're not gonna believe this, but it turns out that Jar Jar Binks was a Retarded Force Master, and he lives on as a Retarded Force Ghost! He won't leave any of the Jedi Force Ghosts or the Sith Force Ghosts alone in the Force Ghost Realm. He's driving them all batshit insane! Qui Gon says that only through our combined might as Force Ghosts can Jar Jar Binks, a Retarded Force Ghost, finally be permanently murdered!"

Darth Vader: "Wow. A Retarded Force Ghost? Good grief. Ok, but can I at least change out of this shit stained suit first?"

Obi Wan: "It won't matter after we're dead. Qui Gon has just now promised that we'll both leave our shit stained garments behind, once we're Force Ghosts!"

Darth Vader: "Oh, very well. Does Qui Gon have a plan as to how exactly we should go about this? This murdering of one another simultaneously?"

Obi Wan: "Well, the whole trick here is for both of us to die at exactly the same moment. This is very important! So, the way I see it, we have two choices. First, we'd need to contrive some type of device which would function, essentially, as a mutual murder/suicide machine. However, as I indicated earlier, precision is of the utmost importance! We both have to die within microseconds of one another, which will require some pretty fancy programming. I'm not a fancy programmer. Are you a fancy programmer, Darth?"

Darth Vader: "You know damn well I'm not a fancy programmer! Besides, even if I actually WAS a fancy programmer, we'd still need a fancy engineer to invent this ridiculous device. And before you ask, NO, I'm not a fancy engineer either. I don't suppose you picked up a fancy engineering degree while you were gathering dust for decades on Tatooine, my old Master?"

Obi Wan: "No, I'm not a fancy engineer, you smarmy bastard."

Darth Vader: "You said there were two choices. What's the second choice?"

Obi Wan: "Well. Since neither one of us are fancy programmers or fancy engineers, our only other choice is either mutual murder, or mutual suicide. We can do it on a count of three. Personally, I'm kind of leaning toward mutual suicide."

Darth Vader: "Why is it that you persist on believing that I just fell off of the turnip truck yesterday? There's no way in hell I'm trusting you to ignite your lightsaber on a count of three, especially if we're committing mutual suicide! Besides, didn't you say that accuracy within a microsecond was the whole key here? Either way, I'm the only one capable of counting down from 3 to 1 in microseconds, due to my cybernetic implants. What are you going to do? Just switch that thing on and hope everything turns out all right? Heh. A count of three. Really? Kind of makes your superior intellect seem rather retarded, doesn't it?"

Obi Wan: "Dammit... Oh snap! Hang on Darth. Luke! Hey, Luke!"

...meanwhile, again...

Luke: "WHAT? We're trying to escape the Death Star over here."

Obi Wan: "Luke! Slow down! Don't do any running yet!"

Luke: "But you just said -"

...interrupting...

Darth Vader: "Luke! Before you go running off like a wild lunatician, do what Obi Wan says. Trust me Luke, I'm your father."

Luke: "No. NO! THAT'S NOT TRUE! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!"

Darth and Ben together: "GOOD GRIEF."

Darth Vader: "Luke! Son. I really didn't want to have to break it to you like this. You see, I had this really cool plan all set up and ready for the next movie. A father-son bonding session, so to speak, with this really kick-ass lightsaber battle between the two of us. I was gonna take it real easy on you and just chop off your right arm, a little below the elbow, then let you escape. See? Then after that, you'd have a cybernetic hand just like mine, to remember me by!"

Luke: "That sounds like a shit plan to me. So, were you going to just keep on chopping off little pieces of me, one at a time, every time we got together?"

Darth Vader: "Well, yeah. That was the idea. But I guess we can just flush those plans down the commode now."

Luke: "Ben! He's lying, right?

Obi Wan: "Search your feelings Luke, you know it to be true."

Luke: "But you said that Darth Vader betrayed and murdered my father!"

...interrupting...

Threepio: "I'm truly sorry to interrupt a family quarrel, but under the present circumstances, should I reactivate the trash compactors on the detention level myself? Artoo seems to have picked up a slight flutter. In fact, he's acting like an overweight glob of grease! And it would only be polite..."

Everyone together: "SHUT UP, THREEPIO!"

Artoo: "Chirp!" (LOL)

Threepio: "Just you reconsider reactivating the garbage mashers on the detention level for them!"

Artoo: "Blippity bloop." (Oh very well, you mindless philosopher.)

Threepio: "Don't get technical with me!"

Artoo: "BLAP!" (Shut up, I'm about to get technical.)

Threepio: "You know Artoo, I don't think anybody likes you at all. And no, I don't like you either."

Artoo: " Bloop." (LOL. I don't give a rats ass)

...short pause...

Obi Wan: "CAN I CONTINUE NOW? Have all the tractor beams been shut down, the garbage mashers on the detention level reactivated, and the doors sufficiently blasted?"

PA Announcement: "CLOSE THE BLAST DOORS! CLOSE THE BLAST DOORS!"

Luke: "The blast doors haven't been blasted yet."

Obi Wan: "Good! Now, Luke. What I told you was from MY point of view, NOT yours. And don't tell me that you're not glad to be off of that hell hole of a planet. YOU'RE the one who expressed the wish to be teleported off that rock, remember? And wow! Now look at you, following old Obi Wan on some damned-fool, idealistic crusade like your father did! You're on a space station the size of a MOON, for crissake, when just a few hours ago you were bitching and moaning about finding Artoo and high tailing it to the south ridge to fix those condensers, under the threat of 'Hell To Pay!' by that asshole uncle of yours."

Luke: "Well. Ok, the last few hours HAVE been pretty frikin' awesome. Oh, and there's also this hella fine chick that we just rescued..."

Obi Wan: "Don't even go there, Luke. You're a hick fresh off the moisture farm, and she's a Princess! Oh yeah. She's also your sister."

Luke: "Huh? Wait, what? You mean, I'm a PRINCE?"

Darth Vader: "HUH? WAIT, WHAT? You mean I have a daughter, TOO? Obi Wan! Do you have any idea how close I was to executing her, my own DAUGHTER, before you guys showed up? I mean, I'd just finished spending hours, happily torturing her... my own DAUGHTER! Why did you never tell me? Do you have any idea how much it would have simplified things, knowing that Princess Leia was my DAUGHTER? Plus, I have visitation rights too, you know! Just because I'm Darth Vader -"

Obi Wan: "OH FOR GOD'S SAKE, SHUT UP! Now Luke, here's what you have to do. Once you escape in the Millenium Falcon, line up in that huge trench that goes around the Death Star, and fire a proton torpedo right into the small thermal exhaust port, right below the main port!"

Darth Vader: "Hey, that's the whole reason why I've been going to all this trouble, so he wouldn't know that!"

Obi Wan: "Do you want to be an Eternal Force Ghost, or don't you? This is the only way we can trust each other to die at the exact same time!"

Darth Vader: "Well... Dammit! Ok. Luke! Do what Obi Wan says! Use the Force, Luke! I don't care which side. Just use it! Huh? Oh yeah, don't use the Retarded Side! And remember, don't try to have sex with Princess Leia! She's your sister!"

Luke: "Rats... Ok, I'll do it. But only because YOU asked me to, dad. Ben, you lied to me. Fuck you, man. Oh yeah. And It's Prince Skywalker to you, from now on."

...moments pass...

Darth Vader: "They should have blown up this thing by now."

Obi Wan: "Yes, puzzling. Maybe they didn't have any proton torpedoes?"

Darth Vader: "Hmmm. Say, maybe we should rethink..."

.

.

.

KABOOM!!!

.

.

.

Darth Vader: "Well, whaddya know! I'm a Force Ghost!"

Obi Wan: "Me too!"

Qui Gon: "Hurry! Let's combine our Force powers before..."

Jar Jar Binks: "Meesa so glad to see you, Little Ani! You too, Master Obi! Oh what fun weesa gonna have for ALL ETERNITY!"

Qui Gon: "SHIT!"

Darth Vader: "Why do I suddenly feel so retarded?"

Obi Wan: "Because we've both been had! Tricked, by the Retarded Side of the Force!"

All together: "NOOOOOOOO........!"

Jar Jar Binks: "Meesa so glad we all together now! Was bombad mood before, but now weesa all have forever to beesa bestest friends!"

Obi Wan: "...Uh. Is it possible for a Force Ghost to commit suicide?"

Qui Gon: "YEESH!"

.

.

.

SEE? NOW, AT THE END, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

I feel as though I've sufficiently demonstrated, by the application of logic, circumstantial evidence, and through the sheer Force of imagination, that the Retarded Side of The Force exists, and that it explains almost EVERYTHING that's wrong with The Phantom Menace. And also every single Star Wars movie since Return of the Jedi, as a matter of fact! 

As to why I just went to so much trouble to explain the hidden truth behind a shit movie... well, I did mention earlier that because of this movie, I'm FUCKED IN THE HEAD. Permanently. Anyway, that's as good an explanation as any for why I do the things I do. 

Plus, I simply can't ignore this added bonus!

Since I'm the only one who's ever actually detected the retarded side of the Force, that means I'm FORCE SENSITIVE! Even now, I can feel the Force flowing through me! I mean, I think I can... 

Yup, that's definitely it! The Force! But... why do I suddenly feel so retarded?

OH, HELL NAW! I'm Force sensitive to the retarded side of the Force??

WAIT A MINUTE! THIS SUCKS!

Journalistic Ethics, the News, Modern Propaganda, and the Public Trust .

As we all might have noticed, for a while now the planet has been embroiled in turmoil. Ever since COVID-19 hit the worldwide scene early this year, things seem to be falling apart around us. Mass panic, mass deaths... a pandemic, for the love of God! The world truly seems to be well and truly on its' way to hell in a handbasket, quick like and in a hurry, in 2020... Or is it? Why is this the common trend of thought, that collapse is inevitable? Why is the world, seemingly and almost eagerly, embracing such a state of panic? Just what the hell is going on here, exactly?? . . . I have a theory about that, and it's a theory which goes beyond the mere reaction of the world to this novel virus. The fact is, the existence of this virus isn't necessarily relevent to what I mean to communicate here, as it merely serves to set the stage for my main point, which I will reveal soon. First, though... . . . Take a minute to look around. Go out on your porch. Take a deep breath of air. Watch as cars drive by, as they've always done. If you want to, walk or drive to the store... just don't forget to wear a mask. Even if you're not afraid of this virus, it's only polite to wear one, because others ARE afraid. Be respectul. Purchase your goods. Make your way back home. Now, observe the nation NOT under martial law. Observe the distinct lack of body bags filling high school gymnasiums. Notice the lack of military vehicles and armed solders patrolling the streets, enforcing a mandatory curfew during this State of Emergency. Notice how NORMAL everything is, despite everything. . . . Now ask yourself this... what's the difference between today, and any other day? If it's not apparent already, I'll supply the information. The difference is the news. The nature of the State of Fear that's constantly being hammered into our noggins has shifted. Nobody is talking about climate change anymore. Remember last year, how climate change used to be the boogey man? Remember how batshit insane people were going over the dire and imminent effects of climate change, just less than a year ago? According to the last peep I heard on the subject, mankind only had about twelve years left to enjoy a viable ecosystem, before the entire planet went KAPUT! Not anymore. No, I'm afraid that ship has sailed. Now, there's something even better than climate change to be afraid of! COVID-19. . . . Did anyone besides myself happen to notice how quickly climate changed just evaporated from the headlines, once COVID-19 came waltzing along? Why do you think that was? I'll tell you my theory. It's because climate change isn't an immediate fear, but COVID-19 sure as hell is. COVID-19 is just the latest version of an unending supply of States of Fear which are constantly being switched out for bigger and better ones. It's the way Big Media operates in conjunction with Big Government. That may sound like a conspiracy theory, but I'm not one prone to believing wild, outlandish theories without at least some reasoning to back them up. However, my purpose here isn't to explain my reasoning as to why I believe the media and the government are embroiled in an ever complex, ever conflicting, ever changing dance of producing a State of Fear to inflict upon the masses. My purpose has much more to do with the news as a phenomenon, in and of itself, and how, with the fairly recent introduction of the internet, the nature of the news has taken a drastic change. No longer is the news in the hands of just professional journalists. No. In this day and age, with the widespread dissemination of information available to us via the internet, why... Anyone can report the news! . . . First, allow me to summarize 'The Society of Professional Journalists Code of Ethics', or SPJ for short. I think that the obvious purpose of this organization can be surmised by its' name alone, but I'll break it down anyway. There are four main principles which define the values of the SPJ. Before I begin, it should be mentioned that professional journalists aren't required to join or pay dues to the SPJ or any type of union or guild. That's an issue in and of itself, but for now, I'll try to keep this summary of the SPJ within reasonable limits, while still providing the broad spectrum of each principle: . . . 1. Seek Truth and Report It. A) A reporter of the news should take responsibility for their work by providing a range of easily accessible sources. The primary tenets of a reporter of the news are to seek truth while avoiding bias, and as so, should be focused on providing the broad human experience of a story. Access to any and all sources should be provided by the journalist, and easily referenced by the consumer. B) A reporter of the news is obligated to provide any necessary context to a reported story which might otherwise be overlooked or left out as unimportant, or for the sake of brevity. The importance of providing relevant context when reporting the news can't be stressed enough. A lack of proper context is probably the most powerful way that an otherwise truthful story can be twisted into an untruth. C) A reporter of the news should welcome and support the civil exchange of viewpoints to encourage meaningful rhetoric. A reporter should never construct a story with the intent to provoke any type of disruptive conflict. D) A reporter of the news should avoid stereotyping. A journalist should never deliberately distort the facts of a story, either in word form or of a visual nature. If visual information is being presented, it should be clearly labeled with pertinent information E) A reporter of the news should NEVER plaigarize. . . . 2. Minimize Harm. A) A reporter of the news should be respectful when reporting news of a controversial nature. The provision of truth should be balanced with compassion, according to the nature and audience of the story. B) A reporter of the news should maintain an awareness of 'ethics vs. the legality' of a truthful story, before publishing it. C) A reporter of the news should take into serious consideration the rights of individuals to their privacy, and the ethical ramifications of purposefully reporting a story which may result in harm, or potential harm to an individual. D) A reporter of the news should consider the long-term effects of a reported story. It's important to try to balance the idealism of truth and wisdom when deciding what to report. . . . 3. Act Independently. A) A reporter of the news should view themselves, first and foremost, as servants of the public. In order to carry out this job, honesty is of vital importance. Reporting the news means reporting the truth while choosing to adhere, above all other influence, to a code of ethics. Ethical thought and behavior should be the guiding tenet of any truthful reporter. B) A reporter of the news should avoid conflicts of interest which threaten independent reporting. These include accepting special treatment, favors, gifts, etc. which might compromise the integrity of the reporter. This also includes any other types external pressure, applied as a means to influence unethical behavior, when covering a story. . . . 4. Be Accountable and Transparent. A) A reporter of the news should be ready to explain the ethics behind their process of reporting. B) A reporter of the news should acknowledge their own mistakes and correct them. C) A reporter of the news should expose any personally observed unethical conduct in journalism. D) A reporter of the news should accept the high standards which are inherent to their job and hold themselves unwaveringly to those high standards. . . . With all of that being said, the question practically begs itself: "Are reporters of the news today adhering to the standards of the SPJ? Are reporters of the news even required to abide by a 'code of ethics' at all? What exactly defines a 'reporter of the news', anyway? Can ANYONE be a reporter of the news, what with the ubiquitous nature of social media? Are there any news sources which can be trusted? If so, which ones? And how do we know that we can trust them?" All of these questions pose a serious problem. What is being addressed here is the fundamental validity of the relationship of trust between those who provide the news, and we, the consumers of the news. The lines have been blurred a lot during the years since the internet established itself. Now, anyone can set up a 'reputable looking web page' and report any kind of news they want. Once again, a question is begged: "What exactly are we looking for when it comes to a reputable news source?" The answer to that question, unfortunately, isn't crystal clear... so instead, for now, let's ask this question: "What exactly are we NOT looking for when it comes to a reputable news source?" . . . That question is a little easier to answer. Personal blogs come to mind, a lot of which use professional web design to create a legitimate looking news platform, but they're almost always run by individuals who aren't journalists... individuals with far more of an agenda, and far less of a regard for ethics. Several popular online 'news sources' today started out simply as personal blogs years ago, but have since ballooned into fairly huge corporations... not that such growth affected their ethical standards. Also, not every disreputable news source today is, or started out as, a private blog - but a lot of them did, back when the internet was just beginning to gain traction. What follows is a list of a few of the more ridiculous online 'news sources', some of which began as personal blogs, but all of which are notorious for their shenanigans as news sources, which we can safely say are commonly NOT ACCURATE, and are often BLATANTLY BIASED. Some of these examples are obviously meant for mere entertainment purposes, such as The Rush Limbaugh Show and the online website, Buzzfeed, but ALL of them can be safely assumed to have produced their own fair shares of hogwash, mostly due to the obvious agendas associated with them: . . . 1. Occupy Democrats - created as a counterpart to the extreme right-wing 'Tea Party' movement, 'Occupy Democrats' is a blatantly biased news source, and has a reputation for delivering 'fake news'. 2. Buzzfeed - a popular pop culture and viral media site, 'Buzzfeeds' relatively recent foray into the realm of mainstream news, what with having hired former political bloggers as 'journalists', has been met with criticism. 'Buzzfeed' has been accused of providing intentionally biased content, deliberately tailored toward a 'left-leaning' audience. 3. The Huffington Post - this left-leaning blog was conceived in 2005 as a direct counter-balance to 'The Drudge Report'. It continues to serve that purpose, dishing up biased news for biased consumers. 4. The Drudge Report - one of the oldest political blogs online, dating back to 1995, 'The Drudge Report' began as a gossip column, if that gives you any impression of the authenticity of it as a legitimate news source. Over the years, 'The Drudge Report' has relied mostly on links to other websites for its' content. Lately 'The Drudge Report' seems to be shifting from a far-right publication to a far-left publication. Hmmm. Sounds like gossip to me. 5. Brietbart - much like 'The Huffington Post', which was originally conceived as 'The Drudge Report' of the Left, 'Brietbart' was conceived as the 'Huffington Post' of the Right. I guess 'Brietbart' had never heard about 'The Drudge Report'? This online, far-right news source is famous for posting conspiracy theories, has been referred to as misogynistic, xenophobic, and racist by liberals and conservatives alike, and is notorious for publishing intentionally misleading stories. It's an online circus of unashamed political elephant manure. 6. InfoWars - where to begin with this behemoth of bullshit? 'InfoWars' is a far-right 'news' site which specializes in conspiracy theories, harassment of victims as a result of publishing fake news stories, discrimination and sexual harassment by the owner, Alex Jones, against his employees, and being banned by virtually every social media platform. If 'Brietbart' is an online circus of unashamed political elephant manure, then 'InfoWars' is just like that... simply replace elephant manure with brontosaurus manure. 7. Social Media - ever since 2016 when Buggs Bunny was elected President of the United States, fake news has gone from an unheard of term to one practically synonymous with 'Facebook' and 'Twitter'. What many may not be aware of is the propaganda which pervades these online social media platforms though, which I'll get into soon. 8. The Rush Limbaugh Show - an ancient, far-right leaning radio show meant for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY, much like 'The Howard Stern Show'. It amazes me that some die hard Rush supporters actually BELIEVE that Rush Limbaugh actually, himself, BELIEVES the crap he spews over the airwaves every day. The result is a vicious circle of BELIEF, one containing an almost religious fervor among die hard Rush fans. That a radio program meant for entertainment purposes which, by some form of black magic apparently, is received as The Truth by what can nearly be described as a mob mentality of millions of fans comprised of otherwise reasonably intelligent people, simply makes no sense to me! 9. The Blaze - basically just a less popular version of 'The Rush Limbaugh Show', but founded by Glenn Beck. Merely another form of entertainment for viral Republicans who think that an entertainment network, specifically designed with a political demographic in mind, is a genuine reflection of 'political truth', if one can excuse my use of an oxymoron. If that type of thinking were applied to cops and robbers movies, then a bullet wound to the shoulder or the leg, or one which passes straight through the body while missing any vital organs, would be something that you could just 'shrug off'. That ain't real, and neither are these political entertainment programs. 10. Fox News - only one of two mainstream news sources I'll include here, because I just don't feel like repeating myself a dozen times. 'Fox News' has been one of the major, 'reputable' news sources for 25 years. Still, although it's staffed with professional journalists, it's still been accused of operating under the standard of being a 'biased, right-leaning, agenda-based' news source. It's not a good sign for journalistic truth in general, when all of the little indicators in just ONE NETWORK manage to add up to the possibility that deception may be just one technique, in a possible arsenal of manipulative techniques, employed to deliver the news... and from such a prominent news source. And finally... 11. NPR - The Ultimate Website and Radio Program for the Fuel Injected Liberal. The older, more opposite version of 'Fox News'. 'NPR' too has been accused of producing a fair amount of purposeful subterfuge, for the sake of its' well known liberal agenda. . . . A lot has happened over the past 25 years since the internet was brand new and still a novelty. Blogs populate the internet now, regarding a variety of topics, and a lot of them are extremely useful sources of information - such as DIY (do it yourself) projects, all kinds of topically specific news such as science, physics, religion, book clubs, photography, recipes, and product reviews. A lot of them, like my personal blog, merely consist of what basically amounts to a decades' worth of diary entries... records of personal thoughts, observations, situations, amusing anecdotes, etc. Most blogs are just intended as information for public consumption, with no use for an agenda... other than an occasional monetized blog with ads. Most, like mine, go completely unnoticed. However, along with the much more abundant blog of the harmless variety, many other blogs and websites disguise themselves as 'news sources', and in many cases, the authors of these websites are simply NOT professional journalists. While it is not required that a professional journalist should belong to any kind of guild or organization which lays out fundamental ground rules for behavior, there is a 'code of ethics' which most journalists at least attempt to abide by. This is the most common ethical tenet which most journalists agree upon and strive to maintain: The principle of 'limitation of harm', which means that journalists and reporters have a responsibility to not harm others while reporting a story. This is one major difference between professional journalists reporting for 'reputable' news organizations, as opposed to creators and publishers of fringe news sources and fake news creators. That is, people who aren't professional journalists. . . . Here's a handy metaphor I like to use when comparing 'ethical journalism' to 'fake journalism' - The Force. Much like the Light and Dark Sides of The Force, there also exist The Light and The Dark Sides of journalism. I'm not saying that the supposedly 'reputable' news sources at our disposal nowadays, such as FOX, MSNBC, NPR, etc. all have the journalistic equivalent of Jedi Knights doing their reporting, but at least the professional journalists, that is... the ones employed by actual news services, agree to at least abide by a modicum of a code of ethics. On the other hand, we have the Sith Lords of journalism... the ones who blatantly publish 'news' which can't help but to be biased, due the inherent nature of such news. By exaggerating the truth, leaving out essential context, and sometimes just outright lying, while failing to include a single particle of a source or reference, these Sith journalists make their livings outside the realms which include any basic rules of civilized behavior. They are scammers, and nothing more. It's how they make their livings, by popularizing what they are either deceived into believing is the truth, or even worse, posting purposeful lies in order to appeal to a target demographic - and all for the relentless pursuit of the almighty dollar. Put simply, money equals power... and even at the level of making a living, if your living involves wielding the power of information, you will be corrupted over time. Maybe not overnight, but it will happen, more often than not. What these 'unauthorized' news sources are up to is unashamed propaganda. Yup, you heard me right. What used to be a tool of government for controlling the thoughts and beliefs of the masses has now become a tool of the masses for controlling the thoughts and beliefs of the masses. How ironic is that? An obvious example of this type of very simple, almost ubiquitous propaganda that I'm sure we've all experienced online in some form or another, but which is mostly popular on social media platforms such as Facebook and Twitter, is the meme. Allow me to explain. . . . Imagine in your head a propaganda poster, like the ones which are pasted on almost every available vertical surface of North Korea - that of a frail, suffering North Korean civilian, cringing in a pile of detritus while protecting an innocent child, with a grinning, sharp toothed soldier poised above, wielding a rifle with a bayonet attached, wearing green combat fatigues embroidered with the Stars and Stripes, and the letters USA boldly printed upon the soldiers' helmet. There will also be a message present, but most of us wouldn't understand a message written in Korean. It's beside the point, though. You can assume that the message has nothing good to say about Americans. Of course, government propaganda is still used worldwide, but I merely use North Korea to demonstrate the absurdity of North Korean propaganda. All of it consists of lies, utilizing a visually impacting illustration which describes The United States as evil incarnate, populated with monster soldiers, with one purpose - to conquer and murder the innocent, peace loving population of the DPRK. Now imagine the common meme, one you'll probably scroll by on Facebook or Twitter. Once again, all of the elements of propaganda are present. The propaganda meme is mostly of a visual nature, has elements of careful graphic design incorporated into it, a typography consisting of an appropriate, boldly printed font which communicates a brief message, with the entire thing constructed with unmistakable intent - to manipulate the thoughts and opinions of others, either by flat out lying, and/or appealing to our emotional and sympathetic natures. These memes are practically EVERYWHERE you look online, and anyone with a modicum of intelligence can recognize them for what they are... pure political propaganda, or propaganda purposed to serve an issue of a controversial nature, such as racial tension. These types of memes are designed with maximum visual impact in mind, in order to communicate in as simple a manner possible, an obviously biased message with no references or sources included. They have two uses, these memes... 1. To preach to the choir. These memes are created in order to intentionally offend anyone holding a different opinion, while stirring up others who agree with the message by adding strength to their numbers. A purpose is served. 2. To appeal to the 'other side'. By employing tactics such as a tragic message accompanied by tragic images, which are chosen to appeal to our empathy, these memes are designed to manipulate the 'other side' by presenting an 'out of context' argument which deliberately ignores and/or suppresses information which contradicts the purpose of the message. Again, sources are almost never included. Why? Because presenting a legitimate source for a piece of propaganda would, in effect, negate the propaganda, exposing it for the misrepresentation of truth that it is. . . . The reason I went to some length here to describe this phenomenon in detail, the common use of deliberate propaganda, not by our government but by WE the population, in the form of memes, is to add a metaphorical exclamation point to the entire purpose of this observation regarding the state of news today - the bias inherent to almost all sources of news, and most importantly, to demonstrate that unless you're reading an article authored by a professional journalist with a modicum of ethics when it comes to reporting the news, that when browsing for news content online, you're more likely than not to find yourself reading an article which is just deliberately false - that is, fake news - or the article you're reading is one that's been deliberately constructed, including just enough truth to seem familiar, thus offering an air of legitimacy, which serves one purpose only... to manipulate your own thoughts and beliefs so that they conform more to the liking of someone else. Make no mistake. Every time you expose yourself to an item of news online, especially one that doesn't bother to employ any fact checking or bother to provide any references, you're likely being exposed to the opinion of a single person with their own agenda... to bring you around to their way of thinking, and ethics and morals be damned. It's the world we live in. If only one piece of useful information can be taken away from everything I've labored to explain here, it's this... Be warned. Guard your thoughts. Don't let yourself be a victim of manipulation. Always question EVERYTHING, especially podunk news articles or self published 'news' sites. Demand sources. Demand references. Demand THE TRUTH! . . . Carry the Fire, and be a light for others.

Stuff

 But... being a Grammar Nazi is just so much fun! Especially when I'm dealing with the occasional idiot!

I must concede that you have a point though. I've got what I consider a decent moral code, but I'm absolutely ridden with flaws. 

Being a jackass on Facebook is one of them. I doubt that I'll ever be able to overcome that flaw. It's inherent to my nature! 

Just like my eyes, which for 44 years were a decent shade of brown, then just up and decided to change color to green, five years ago! See what I mean about my nature? I've got green eyes now after a lifetime of brown eyes, and I had nothing to do with that!

The Grammar Nazi thing... well, I suppose I could work on that.

But my eyes are green now!

Shootout at Dumbshit Gulch!

"Howdy, pardners!"

"The name's Terd Bergleson, but most folks jist call me Old Stinky. Dunno how come, and I cain't larn the which-a-why of it to ya when I ain't never larnt it fer myself, so it aint no good askin' me."

"What I can larn ya," said Terd, "If'n ya got some time to chew the fat with an olden broken down fart like me, is the sad story of Big Drake McDork and Prance Goofus, the two most afear'd bounty hunters this side of the west side of the Pecos, and how they done gone and met their untimely ends."

"So gather round and grab yer some wood, 'cause what I'm a'fixin to tell yer is the saddest yarn I ever done spunt!"
.
.
.
It were intolerable hot and dry on the day when Big Drake McDork and Prance Goofus finally went full on fisticuffs with the Apple Dumpling Cocksuckers at Dumbshit Gulch.

Terd Bergleson interrupted to supply some essential narration:

"Dumbshit Gulch were a place of local legend," Terd mentioned. "It sure ain't wrote down on no map, and if'n yer was to look fer it, closest you'd come to it is Bum-Fucked Egypt, accordin' to the yokels. But that's where this'n here story gits started, and also where it winds up in tragerdy."

Big Drake McDork and Prance Goofus, the two most afear'd bounty hunters this side of the narrow side of the north side of the Pecos, clambered up the gulch and stood, tall and proud, on the flat side of the gulch proper. They was both a-sweatin like stuck pigs, and with a purpose - to finally put an end to the Apple Dumpling Cocksuckers, the most afear'd coteri of ex-nus and hookers ever there was, that side of the other side of the long side of the Pecos.

Big Drake took a long gander.

"Well, here we are, Prance," he said. "We finally done made it... it's Dumbshit Gulch. This'n here's the spot where we's finally gonna put paid to those Apple Dumpling Cocksuckers!"

Prance turned his big dumb head hither and yon, mouth agape and eyes bulging with dumbshit ignarnce.

"Big Drake, what's a gulch?" Prance whoosper'd.

"Well, Prance," Big Drake replied with some irritation, "a gulch is the sound a feller makes when he croaks way out in the desert like this'n here where we's at right now, so obviously a gulch is a place where yer go to die, ya dumbshit."

Prance stared at Big Drake fer a spell, and finally a slow unnerstandin' crawled across his big stupid face.

"Ooooh...!" Prance crowed. "You mean they's gonna die though, right? The Apple Dumpling Cocksuckers? Not us, huh? Not us, right? Right, Big Drake? Not us, huh? Huh?"

Big Drake popped Prance a good'n with the back side of his hand, right upside the kisser.

"Shut the fuck up Prance, before you get us kilt!" growled Big Drake.

Prance stared at the ground like he was a-prospectin' somethin' forever beyond his ken, like algebry homework.

"Oh, sorry, Big Drake," Prance mumbled like an idgit. "I'm stoopid."

"Yeah, and you're also a faggot," Big Drake muttered sideways outta his mouth. "Now listen here... there's the Apple Dumpling Cocksuckers, I can see one of em now! We need to find some place to hide, so's we kin ambush em!"

Prance cast about like a rabbit, all panicked-like. "But Big Drake, there ain't nothin' around which whence for us ta hide bee-hind! The closest bush is a half mile yonder!"

Big Drake thwocked Prance upside the back of his noggin. "Shut up, ya fuckin fairy. I can see that! Just keep yer pie hole closed, and foller my lead."

Prance proceeded to a-jumpin' up and down like a young'n on his first coon hunt. "Yeah!" he whoosper'd.

"Now jist stand real still..."

Prance quit his jumpin' right quick and in a hurry. "I'm standin Big Drake, I'm standin!"

"Good. Now, steady... steady... here they come, from all sides."

"I see em Big Drake, I see em!" hollered Prance.

"Shut the fuck up, you roont headed feeb! They'll hear ya! Now... careful, they cain't see us unless we move."

Suddenly...

BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM!!!

Terd resumed his narration.

"Against all odds, the Apple Dumpling Cocksuckers done got the drop on Big Drake McDork and Prance Goofus! Our heroes is mortal wounded, and in a bad way!"

Prance looked down at his belly. His innards was all slung out and hangin' from his gut like an octerpus. He tried to shove 'em back in, but they was all slimy in his hands and he kept steppin' on 'em and trippin'. Finally he fell over on his back and stared up at the sky, his big dumb face just a-light with horror.

"Big Drake, I'm shot!" he caterwauled.

Big Drake thundered, "I'm the one that's shot, you fuckin' homo!"

Prance cocked his head to the side and seen Big Drake a-lying there, with half his head blowed clean off.

"I think we's both shot!" hollered Prance. Big Drake stuck his finger into his noggin and dug out a .45 slug, along with a sizable fair chunk of brains. He chucked the brains at Prance.

"Goddammit, Prance!" he croaked.

"I'm sorry, Big Drake! I'm sorry!"

The last thing they both heard was the Apple Dumpling Cocksuckers laughing their silly asses off. And then...

GULCH!

The End.

Shootout at Dumbshit Gulch, part 2!

"Howdy folks! Some of yer might already know me... the name's Terd Bergleson, but most folks jist call me Old Stinky. I gots no idear why."

Terd continued.

"The last time we left our heroes, big Drake McDork and Prance Goofus, the most afear'd bounty hunters right smack-dab in the middle of the Pecos, they had jist been shot ter pieces by that dirty gang of streetwalkers, The Apple Dumpling Cocksuckers, the most afear'd coterie of ex-nuns and hookers that ever terrorized the short end of the Pecos."

Terd paused fer dramatic effect...

"Now let's git back ter our heroes!"

So there they was, in a bad way, both of 'em just a-lyin' there in the wide-open middle of Dumb Shit Gulch and shot ter pieces...

Terd interrupted:

"Turns out though, neither one of 'em was shot after all! Our heroes may be tough, but they shore is stupid, ain't they? And it's a good thang nobody never done taught that wild pack of ex-nuns and hookers how to shoot straight!"

So, after the Apple Dumpling Cocksuckers done went and fucked off to the Blue Hills ter shoot down some other hapless victims, our heroes Big Drake McDork and Prance Goofus realized that they wasn't shot after all, and Big Drake slowly got ter his feet.

"Big Drake, I think I ain't shot at all!" Prance gibbered as he laid there, spread eagle in the sand.

"Prance, you fuckin' homo, git yer silly ass up! Ain't neither of us been shot!"

Prance slowly got to his feet, shook the sand off'n his brush-popper, then stood there lookin' down at his boots.

"Big Drake, it hurts my feelins when you call me a homo. You know I gots me a wife and kids back at the homestead."

Big Drake thwacked Prance a good one, right upside his noggin.

"Prance, I ain't callin' you a homo 'cause I think yer homosexeral! Homo is short fer homo erectus, which is just about the dumbest caveman that ever done walked the earth, and you is jist as dumb as one of them bumblin' troglodytes!"

Prance spint a good couple of seconds a-studyin' his boots again.

"Oh! I'm sorry Big Drake. I'm stoopid.'

"Yeah, and yer also a faggot. Now git to gatherin' some sticks, we needs us some firewood."

Prance got to a-gatherin' up some firewood in silence. After he'd got a big bundle tied up, he hefted it onter his back and turned to Big Drake.

"Big Drake, that hurts my feelins when you call me a faggot. You know I gots me a wife and kids back at the homestead."

Big Drake whacked Prance right upside the other side of his noggin.

"Prance, I ain't callin' you a faggot 'cause I think yer a homosexeral. I'm a-callin' you a faggot 'cause yer just as skinny as that thar bundle of sticks that you gots tied to yer back, and faggot is jist another word that means a big bundle of sticks, you dumb faggot!"

Prance stood there for several minutes, his brain processin' this new information like an abacus. Finally he mumbled:

"Sorry big Drake. I'm stoopid."

"Yeah, and yer also a troglodyte."

At this, Prance actually looked thoughtful.

"Big Drake, I done heard you a-sayin' that thar word a while ago. What's a troglodyte, Big Drake?"

Big Drake sighed.

"Let me explain all of this to yer, from homos to faggots to troglodytes, real careful like, once and fer good. You see Prance, out of all the homos that ever existed in this'n here world, you qualify more as one of them homo erectus cavemen 'cause yer as stupid as a caveman. That's why I called yer a troglodyte, because a troglodyte is a stupid caveman. Git it?"

"Ooooooh..."

'Shut up Prance, I'm tryin' to 'splain this homo thing out of the way so that you and everybody else unnerstands why I call yer a fuckin' homo."

Big Drake inhaled a gigantic breath and continued.

"Now, here's the thang with the homos. Fer millions of years this'n here planet has been just packed solid with all kinds of homos. Homos clamberin' up mountains, homos climbin' trees, homos pissin' in the forest, homos gettin' it on like homos have always done did since thar ever was even a-such a thing as a homo, and makin' more homos while thar at it. Ya hear what I'm sayin', Prance?"

Prance stood there with that big faggot on his back fer a long time, jist a-lookin' as dumb as a bag of hammers. Then a wide grin split his face.

"I hear it Big Drake, I hear it!"

"Good. Now, out of all the homos on this'n here planet - them which was, and them which still is - them which was is the homo erectus, homo habilis, homo neanderthalensis, homo floresiensus, homo heidelbergensis, and the homo naledi - plus Lord knows how many other kinds of homos that used to walk the Earth a million gazillion years ago. Yer followin' me so far Prance, you big fuckin' fairy?"

"I foller ya Big Drake, I foller ya! But, you know, it hurts my feelins when you call me a fairy. You know I gots me a wife and kids back at the homestead."

Big Drake shook his head.

"Prance, I swear yer as dumb as a boulder. That thar was a compliment! Ain't you never read Peter Pan? Tinkerbell's a fairy and she's the hero of the whole damn book! I swar, you try'n be nice ter somebody and they think yer a homophobic."

"Sorry big Drake," mumbled Prance. "I'm stoopid."

"Yeah and you also look like a faggot with that thar faggot on yer back. If you weren't a bag of bones, I'd swar you was a bag of sticks. Now git to humpin' that faggot, we got miles to go if we're gonna make it out of Dumb Shit Gulch before the sun goes down!"

Big Drake McDork and Prance Goofus got to humpin' and Big Drake continued his explanation.

"Now, out of all them homos which is in the here-and-now, we gots two kinds of homos - the homo sapiens and the homosexerals. The homosexerals is also homo sapiens, by the way. They's men who like to lay with one a-nother. I know that's a hard concept to knock through that rock hard noggin of yers, but do you git it, Prance?"

Prance stood there fer a long while with that giant faggot on his back. Finally, he exclaimed:

"I git it Big Drake, I git it!"

"Good! Now can we put this whole homo thang behind us, you fuckin' homo?"

Prance grinned another face splittin' grin and shouted, "I'm a homo!"

Big Drake gave Prance a friendly pat on the shoulder, the kind that one non homosexeral man would give another non homosexeral man. "Now you git it, you fuckin' homo!"

After several hours of humping' through the desert, big Drake finally called a halt.

"Prance, why don't you quit humpin' that thar damn faggot you got perched on yer back, and let's set up a camp."

Prance exhaled deeply. "Whew! That faggot I've been a-humpin fer the past fifty miles was jist about ter break my back!" Prance unloaded the bundle of wood and soon had a fire goin'.

Big Drake laughed. "Now that's a flamin' faggot if I ever done seen one!"

Prance stood there slack-jawed fer a moment, then his face lit up like he had jist received an epiphany from God. Prance laughed out loud.

"Big Drake, you jist made a joke!"

Big Drake clapped Prance on the back.

"That I did, Prance, that I did! And you got it. I'm proud of yer!  Let's jist hope everybody else gits it and don't throw a goddamn hissy fit."

Big Drake and Prance sat there in front of the fire until it had burnt down ter embers.

"Big Drake," said Prance, "it gits cold in the desert at night, and there ain't no more faggots what with which ter set on fire!"

"Well Prance," replied Big Drake, "I guess that means you and me jist gots ter cuddle up together fer warmth."

Prance paused. "But Big Drake... wouldn't that be kind of queer fer two grown men to be alone out in this'n here desert, and all cuddled up together?"

"Well," Big Drake replied, "Some folks might think it's weird, but fuck em!"

THE END!

REALLY!

Well, you asked for it.

Well, you asked for logical reasoning, so here it is in abundance. It's a long slog, so you might not understand what you're in for. If you do, then dive right in! 

It's too long to post on Facebook, so I'm using my blog site. Have fun!

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Luckily for us, we're human beings and can choose how to remember things, without ignoring the facts of history... we can choose to remember the dead, rotting corpses of assholes, now safely 6 feet underground where they belong, who decided to erect these Confederate monuments. We can choose to ignore their asshole reasons, their asshole attitudes, their asshole actions, etc.

We can, of course, choose to remember those assholes, and hold grudges against the dead. However, I detect a problem here. How are supposed to hold grudges against people who are dead and gone, right now in the present? The people who choose to hold these grudges against the dead and allow hatred to grow within them, more often than not, develop a sense of misplaced righteous anger, which can often lead to a proclivity toward violent actions in order to right these wrongs of the past.

Folly. Pure folly.

Again, luckily for us, we can also choose not to give a flying fuck about dead assholes and whatever racist bullshit that was contained in their dead, rotting brains, which are now merely food for worms.

We can instead choose to view Confederate statues, if not at face value as works of art, then more importantly, we can choose to view them and remember them as very public, very visible reminders of our past mistakes.

We can also chose to view them as memorials to the forgotten dead... our ancestors in fact, who have no gravestones to point to, proclaiming they ever even existed at all. Especially all the dead children who were conscripted or joined as Confederate soldiers... also dead. The respected dead deserve these Confederate monuments as memorials to their lives as our fellow human beings. These monuments are a part of our history, as ugly as some people may find that fact to behold.

In essence, these monuments are here now, and those who erected them are dead and gone, along with whatever fucked up reasons they originally had in mind for erecting them.

We're also extremely lucky to live in a country where they let us choose how we want to think, as long as we keep such thoughts to ourselves, if they're extremely demented and prone toward violence and not acted upon. Thank God most of us aren't bent that way.

We can also choose to continue to get all butthurt about the past, or we can get the fuck over it and continue with the process of moving on, today. If I can do it, anyone can.

For example:

I've been to jail twice in my life because of warrants issued for unpaid traffic tickets. It was an extremely unpleasant experience, both times. I was treated as a murderer, as opposed to a mere traffic offender. One especially unpleasant memory was being stripped naked in a room full of other naked men, then hosed down violently with a high pressure fire hose. Where was the need for that?

Another memory is of one particular cop who, for some vile reason - probably job dissatisfaction - decided that it was necessary to point out to me, constantly and very loudly so that everyone could hear, of how ugly I was, how bad I smelled, of his obvious distaste with my attire, that if it was up to him he'd cut my hair - which reaches down past the middle of my back - right then and there, how Ill kempt I was... all of it generally untrue.

He was compelled, for whatever deranged reason in his unbalanced noggin, too recite this unceasing observation of how disgusting I was, ceaselessly.

When he asked if I was on any meds, and I answered, yes... Celexa, for depression, he practically threw a goddamn hissy fit right then and there, like a two year old! He made his opinion regarding his dissatisfaction with my mental well being very clear to me, very loudly, and with lots of gesticulating and shoiting.

You wanna know why? It was because it meant he'd have to drive me across town for a medical evaluation. What I wanted from say to him was this:

"Quit your bitching and do the job we pay you to do, you fucking pig. I pay part of the taxes that pay your rent, asshole."

Instead I told him to just forget that I'd mentioned it. This seemed to satiate him GREATLY. My good deed for the day. And guess what? Thisas a black cop. It didn't make me prejudiced shit black cops, but never in my life have I witnessed a grown man behave more like an impudent child than I did that day during my processing at Lew Sterrit. And for a traffic misdemeanor!

My time spent in the actual cell at Lew Sterrit County was more unpleasant than then the time I went to jail in Austin, again for traffic tickets. I used a boloney sandwich for a pillow.

Anyway Yeah, I had some no-no's on my record. However, being completely deprived of my dignity on both occasions of arrest and processing, for mere traffic issues was, excuse the pun - unwarranted. I definitely learned my lesson, though!

However, I don't have it in for the cops. I don't want to tear down the courthouse. I don't bear any grudges at all for the degrading way I was treated. I got over it, and I got on with my life.

I could point to dozens of injustices which have been carried out, performed, thought, and flat out committed against me, completely unfairly, merely because of the way I look. Only for that reason. I know what the opposite of white privilege means and feels like, because I've experienced it countless times. So when I say I have a good idea of how black people feel, you can take that to the bank as the truth.

The fact happens to remain that we can choose to get over unfortunate shit that's happened to us in our lives. Thank God nobody today living as an American citizen has ever had to endure institutionalized slavery. It was gotten rid of for a reason.

It's possible to just get over it, you know. That may sound crass and insensitive, but it's the truth. It's a choice we can all make together.

Can we not choose together, to get over this bunch of bullshit happening today, that nobody alive today had anything to do with? It's an issue that dates back, beginning 165 years ago in reverse, and people still want to bitch and moan about it, as if slavery actually happened to them! Or as if the civil war actually happened to them! Black, Confederate, Union, or otherwise!

I understand that the idea and practice of racism is still alive and well today. Haven't we come pretty far though, compared to 165 years ago? I think we have. Imagine what it will be like 165 years from NOW. Push cool idea, huh?

So, yeah.

Some people just get a kick out of stirring up the anthill. Real life Trolls.
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Here's one fact that not many people are aware of. Presently, we are living in the most peaceful time in the history of the human race.

https://rootsofprogress.org/the-most-peaceful-time-in-history

https://slides.ourworldindata.org/war-and-violence/#/title-slide

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.good.is/amp/closer-to-peace-than-ever-2639599443

https://ww.google.com/amp/s/www.good.is/amp/closer-to-peace-than-ever-2639599443

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Even with all the apparent good news, I'm having a hard time this year, despite my status as a bonafide lunatician. I'm bamamboozled. That's as far as I can come to decribing, in one simple word, what the events occurring now (I'm not talking about that stupid virus) are causing me to be feeling. It's an unnatural urge to let my voice be known regarding some of the goings on of a political nature. There are several to choose from, lately. It's a somewhat unsettling proclivity for me.

This is NOT my norm. I'm usually opposed to, or at the very least casually indifferent to politics - and I hesitate to refer to it as such, - it's nature.

My usual antics when an ubiquiitous, polarized political situation becomes widely prominent, battering the attention givers with the most dire of news since Climate Change, were widely prominent, if you read what I post regularly. I suspect that most people don't. Anyway.

Climate Change was all that we used to yammer on and on about. It did elicite a common reaction from a goodly sized portion of the American public (and what a load of Hairy Hogwash that great fear of Climate Change still is, I tell you) to accept it as fact, anyway.

Here's what the common reaction to Climate Change used to be - and maybe still is - based on the sheer amount of misinformation that has been, and is still, being dished out to we, the commoners:

"Oh noes! Climate Change is Going to Murder the Earth in 12 Years, and it's TOO LATE TO STOP IT!'" (this statement and the prevailing attitude that goes with it is the most mountainous load of horseshit from which anyone has ever tried to construct a convincing, but more importantly, a valid argument. Except maybe for zeitgeist. What a load of excrement that was. Anyway).

Bow howdy, did Climate Change ever get the boot from the news when the impeachment hearings started, though! Did anybody else notice that? That Climate Change was practically amputated from the American mindset? You know, the one that makes the determination between:

"Is this interesting?"
and
"Who gives a shit?"

It's a good thing the impeachment came along when it did. It was about time we were allowed to have some fun!

But then, Sigh...

This stupid virus that has the entire planets' panties in a bunch came limping along. Nobody cares about the impeachment anymore. Nobody even remembers Greta Thunderburger anymore. Everything worth an interesting, time wasting damn experience disappeared from online and cable news except that stupid virus...

But, of course, there's still tons of news if you've selected 'technology' and 'science' as your interests on Google News, like I have.

There are:

SpaceX, Blue Origin, Northrop Grumman, Lockheed Martin, Boeing, and even NASA, all in on the game now, after 9 years of having to hitch rides with angry Russians aboard outdated Soyuz spacecraft! And that's not even really counting the Chinese, Indian, Japanese and European space programs!

Yeah, those guys are like our younger, dumber brothers when it comes to space engineering. But there they are, and maybe they'll grow up and do some awesome shit!

HELL YEAH, GO SPACEX! AND ALL OTHER SPACE PROGRAMS, ALL OVER THE WORLD! EVERYBODY IS ROOTING FOR YOU!

And now, I proudly present, for last:

The official U.S. Space Force! We finally have one now! YEE-HAW, and again, it's about damn time!

Allow me to post some links of interest:

SpaceX - Falcon 9 Heavy and Crew Dragon, plus the Starship Project
https://www.spacex.com/

Blue Origin - New Shepard, and New Glen launch vehicles, and the Blue Moon Lunar Transit Vehicle
https://www.nasa.gov/press-release/nasa-awards-northrop-grumman-artemis-contract-for-gateway-crew-cabin

Lockeed Martin Orion Crew ww.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2019-09-23/lockheed-wins-4-6-billion-nasa-contract-for-orion-spacecraftLockheed

Boeing Starliner Crew Capsule http://www.boeing.com/space/starliner/

NASA Artemis
www.nasa.gov/specials/artemis/

The United States Space Force

https://www.spaceforce.mil

I, of course, got sidetracked with my digression as usual.

As I was about to say before I went off the rails, the Fear Tactic used by those who wield power are in a constant state of planning and implementing it, as a means to control us.

What scared the buhjeebubs out of us before Climate Change? Was it North Korea? What was before that? Oh yeah, Trump got elected and the world went Apeshit.

Before that, there was always the fear of the polls being rigged. Also, there's always been the fear that our due process will begin to be systematically denied as a matter of course, with more and more visible atrocities being committed against blacks... but there are things being hidden from us by the powerful, who have the clout to enforce this agenda, too.

Why, for instance, is violence against black people by police constantly being printed at the tops of the headlines, and videos of these acts of violence placed in the forefronts of our awareness? Surely there are just as many miscarriages of justice being committed against whites, among other races. Someone is making a choice to popularize one form of news and cover up another.

This, too me, is obviously yet another Scare Tactic, one designed purposefully to control our actions and reactions to the current situation of injustice, and to reinforce an overall State of Fear.

I remember when I was a little kid, we only needed one Fear Tactic - Nuclear War. I existed for most of my childhood inside a constant State of Fear that nuclear war was imminent, and would surely happen any day now. I was more sure of that than anything else during those years from the mid-70's to the early 90's. Thank God it never happened, and hasn't happened yet.

Oh. And one more thing:

IT'S NOT PRONOUNCED NUCULAR, FOR CRISSSKES, it's pronounced NUCLEAR!

Whew!

Back to it. Shit tons of people will disagree with this, but I have 4.5 billion years backing me up.

Nothing is wrong with the planet. It's been chugging along, just fine, doing what planets do, for 4.5 billion years. Then we came along. Our entirety of existence on this world, compared to how long this world has been doing just fine without us, is roughly 200,000 years.

200,000 years of having human beings on this planet who differ from one another only culturally, and not genetically at all, is maybe just a slight yawn for this ancient world. Anyone who seriously considers that we, as Homo Sapiens, represent a legitimate threat to Planet Dirt, has a Brain Bungle and needs to get it fixed. The message should read, not:

SAVE THE PLANET!
(how pretentious)

It should read:

SAVE THE HUMANS!
(this is the correct, non-pretentious, and a far more honest slogan)

A word to the wise, folks. The Planet is fine and dandy, and you can take this to the bank. It's us, the human beings, who might be fucked.

Fast forward until now. I'm a lot older, a lot more cynical, WAY less idealistic, I don't trust anything from the media, and I especially don't trust the system of politics, or politicians. I can only consider what information I have because of those in charge, the ones telling us the Big Things.

That they're only telling a partial truth that's part of a bigger truth, one that they don't want known, or that maybe they're flat out lying to us, I'll never know, and there's no way TO know. It SUCKS and I don't trust it. Not ONE BIT.

Somebody tell me a sure fire way to KNOW, with ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY, that one person is telling me the unblemished truth... be it face to face, through the TV, a recorded broadcast, a live broadcast, and similarly with radio and what I read in the news online - news which comes from a myriad of websites - and also from what was written by one person but published by someone else, who might have made editorial changes to fit his own agenda, by hiding the truth that way. I need this method, this machine, this, this... this Power of Truth, or whatever.

If some one has a doo-dad that will do all that, one that I can put my trust inside of with all my heart, then I might decide to start participating in the political system. Until then, you guys are better off without me.

This Fear Tactic, whether motivated by racial inequality, police agendas, military control of American citizens, peaceful protests, sometimes violent protests, curfews, the loomig threat of the removal of our civil rights, police brutality... all of it is a politically absurd device which endorses the case for an increasing climate of change; one with fear always being its' goal.

It wouldn't surprise me one bit if a limited nuclear exchange occurred between Israel and just about every country in the Middle East who hates Israel, or a similar nuclear exchange between India and Pakistan, just to scare the pants off of us. It's all part of the game of political life on Earth, and the goal of those with enough power to play the game are continually striving toward a constant State of Fear.

If I can offer any proof that this is a real tool used by those in power to keep the masses in check, it was the complete, confident statement issued by the G.W. Bush administration, declaring with absolute certainty to the American public, and to the entire world, that WMD's existed in Iraq, as a statement of FACT.

None were ever found.

My ending point after all this is a long, elaborate post which takes its inspiration and subject matter from hither and yon, with the essence being to bring attention to this purposeful State of Fear being projected upon the American public, as far as I can know...

Which is a considerable amount of information about this planet we live on by the way, including its' physical properties, the likely method of its' formation, basic plate tectonics, how the Gulf Steam influences the weather patterns worldwide, why the overwhelming amount of tornadoes occur mostly only in the American midwest and Bangladesh, a layman's understanding of the various stages of our worlds' development, including some of the more simple evolutionary lessons of our planet AS a planet, which I will now present for your reading pleasure, from back to front:

There are very early ersas of our planets' history, beginning about four and a half billion years ago. The most distant era begins with the Hadeon era, a period of heavy bombardment of our proto-planet by meteors, comets and planetoids, which added mass to the Earth, and helped it to take shape. The Moon came along at some point during the Hadeon, most likely as the result of the collision between the Earth and a Mars sized proto-planet also in the process of forming, retroactively named Theia. The resulting collision shattered chunks of the Earth and Theia, which eventually coalesced and formed the Moon... or Luna, which is the officially recognized name of planet Earths' moon.

The Archean era, beginning about 3.5 billion years ago, was when the first microbial life appeared in the recently formed oceans of Earth.

The Proterozoic era, a time during which oxygen was first introduced in abundance into our atmosphere by a proliferation of oceanic plant life, also included a time from about two billion years ago, when the Earth was completely covered, pole to pole, with ice.

Then came the really interesting eras -

The Paleozoic, the Mesozoic, and Cenozoic eras, which began about 500,000,000 years ago. That is, about five hundred million years.

Those three fairly recent - in geological terms, anyway - eras are largely defined by the sudden, as yet to be explained, explosion of complex life upon the Earth, both upon land and in water alike. Called the 'Cambrian Explosion', it was a relatively brief time consisting of an extreme evolutionary event. Complex creatures began to appear, which evolved at an incredible rate.

Many of these animals, most of them sea creatures, shared a common distinction... nature had invented vertebrates. That is, they all had backbones.

The discovery of the first presence of fossilized vertebrates are more or less a a bullseye caught between the sights of modern history, compared to the very ancient.

The discovery of the first fossilized vertebrates tells a extremely accurate story as to when in the history of the Earth the evolution of what we could truly call complex life - life of a kind that we can begin to compare, with real meaning, to very similar forms of life which are proliferate today.

Summed up simply, the vertebra is the so-called Gold Standard when comparing the evolution of more complex life, as it moves away from previous, more primitive types.

It all happened as a result of, as I've mentioned, the 'Cambrian Explosion'.

It's this last era of the Cambrian Explosion, which is sort of an all descriptive term decribing three different eras, back to back.

The last one of these 'mini-eras' which existed as a result of the Cambrian Explosion was the Cenozioc, the time during which mammals evolved. And about 4/5ths of the way through the combined Paleozoic, Mesozoic and Cenozoic eras - that is, right on the heads off the very first mammals that ever existed - an asteroid about 6 to 10 miles wide impacted the Yucatan basin in the Gulf of Mexico.

Some of the ejecta was blown away at high velocity from the sheer force of the impact, and were actually blasted into outer space. Some escaped the Earths' gravity, while some went into orbit.

Then there were the few scadzillion chunks of future Mexico, including large parts of the seafloor which would have become The Gulf of Mexico a few dozen million years later, which achieved suborbital velocities and, as a result, started to re-enter the atmosphere. Suddenly, chunks of earth ranging in size from a speck of dust to boulders the size of a house, and larger, began raining back into the atmosphere, all over the Earth.

There was so much ejecta coming into that the Earths' atmosphere that the heat of what must have been millions of meteoroids entering the atmosphere for a good long while - days, maybe - combined, resulting in a global air temperature of about 600° F, evenly distributed over the Earths' surface.

Needless to say, much more surface life survived if it was able to dig deep underground... and some were able to, and
some survived. They were mostly the mammals, and possibly some lizards and insects.

Other larger animals, most of them being some of the dinosaurs we recognize even to this day, which had thrived on the surface of the Earth for millions of years, didn't have much of a choice, or a chance. They either stayed on the surface and were roasted alive in the 600° F air temperature, or they choked to death on volcanic ash. Probably a combination of the two. Neither one a pleasant way to give up the ghost.

For anyone who is curious and thought I'd forgotten, ocean life was largely unaffected by any of the ongoing calamity occurring on the surface and in the air... until the food chains started to collapse.

All in all, about 75% of all life on Earth went extinct due to the asteroid which struck the Yucatan peninsula, about 65 million years ago. Which also means that, unbelievably, 25% of life on Earth actually survived the ancient cataclysmic event, and over the course of several more eons, a new diversity and a new kind of life was thriving.

We have the Earth as we know it today thanks to the 25%, of life that wasn't wiped out. Without those hardy survivors, the human race wouldn't exist.

There's evidence for this imbedded in the strata of the Earths' rocks, called the Cretaceous–Paleogene boundary, or the K-T boundary, as it's more commonly known.

Elements discovered in the this dark strata which distinguishes the K-T boundary layer consist of impact shocked quartz, clay glass spherules, and most importantly, iridium... which is naturally found on Earth, but far more abundant in nickel- iron asteroids and meteoroids, carbonaceous chondrite asteroids, and comets... providing serious evidence which, through carbon dating, almost certainly proves that a major impact occurred along the Mexican Yucatan peninsula about 65 million years ago, initiating a major extinction event.

There's even a buried, 93 mile wide crater there, discovered by space borne radar, named the Chicxulub Crater, after a nearby town.

Anyway, that's a bit of knowledge about our planet, and a good portion of my knowledge of it's history all. It's all I feel like yammering about now, anyway. I will reiterate, however...

The K-T boundary is 65 million years old, evidence of only one of several even more devastating extinction events which have occurred during the history of our planet, which dates back to about 4.5 billion years ago... ages upon ages during which the previously described epochs occurred, in terms more readily understandable to mere humans, which I've already addressed.

And even though I've only described the most recent catastrophe which has befallen our planet, there are several even MORE harrowing episodes our planet has endured and survived, one of which wiped out 90% of ALL LIFE ON THE PLANET.

Still.

Dinosaurs didn't really go extinct. They evolved into birds. Mammals obviously didn't go extinct, and some of them evolved into animals familiar to us, today... Including ourselves.

Other than these facts I've already, stated, plus a handful of others I haven't, I know next to nothing about Planet Earth and the way we react to and with it in a meaningful way. I just know that to a lot of folks, the words 'Planet Earth' and 'Human Beings' are synonymous. I don't because people like these sure are unavailable concerning their ignorance, but they sure are irritating as hell.

Which beings me to my NEXT topic. Will this guy ever shut up?

Probably not.
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So, If you aren't polarized beyond hope pertaining to some issue, making it possible to demonstrate a bare modicum of intelligence and willingness to listen to an opposing argument based on it's own merits - which of course, would likely be in direct opposition to yours - I believe that would be at least be a step in the right direction toward a togetherness and understanding, as opposed to fear and a closed mind. It simply doesn't matter all that much who, ultimately, is right or wrong.

Anyway, I'll bet you thought this long-ass diatribe was close to being over and done with.

WRONG AGAIN!!
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Allow me to introduce My snark. He's a GREAT bullshit sniffer. In fact, he just LOVES to roll around in bullshit, and get it all over himself, including other humans! l usually only release my snark, depending upon three different conditions:

1. How hungry is my Snark?

One of my snarks' more usettling type of behavior occurs when I'm not taking the best care of him. As a result, he is content to snark some snarky remarks on anything that happens to scroll by, whether or not it's deserved.

Occasionally though, we'll come across a post containing a bonafide Attitude, which happens to be my snarks' favorite food! When this happens, IT'S FEEDING TIME! GET READY TO MEET MY SNARK! I call him Snarky, for short.

2. Everyone is already gossiping their empty little heads off at the absurdity of the news.

At times like these, my snark and I don't have far to look for sustenance. The local and international news frequently, and by that I mean, ALL THE TIME, just publishes news news news... and it flies flies flies, like backbirds with recently mended wings, singing in the dead of night and directly over the crowds of thundering dunderheads who happen to be surrounding some monument or another (doesn't matter what the monument represents, if it's a monument, it's coming down), with the violent intent to perform an act or acts or violence upon said monument, using righteous anger as their tool, but in their doing so, becoming so falsely enlightened, they are therefore encouraged to perform who knows how much more 'righteous violence' against innocent people, private property, themselves, the police, and other buildings and cars, nearby or otherwise, occupied or otherwise, which share no association of any kind with any reason why rioting should take place there.

By now, these people, the rioters, are completely disillusioned. I can hardly keep my snark... his name is Snarky... in check during discussions of these matters.

3. The evolution of what I've just
described is called Mob Mentality.

Snarky HATES Mob Mentality, more than just about anything. By now, he's ready to advance to a Level 2 Snark, Snarky the Serious!

If you don't believe me when I say that such a phenomena exists and that it's occurring more and more, right here in the USA, then Google it up. It's easy.

Here, I'll help, with a simple definition:

Mob Mentality, or Herd Mentality. I can't help but notice how the word 'Herd', an animalistic condition, is applied to a human condition.

"Herd mentality -

Herd Mentality, or mob mentality and pack mentality, also lesser known as gang mentality, describes how people can be influenced by their peers to adopt certain behaviors on a largely emotional, rather than a rational basis."

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herd_mentality#:~:text=Herd%20mentality%2C%20mob%20mentality%20and,%2C%20rather%20than%20rational%2C%20basis.

And  here's a thorough description of Violent Mob Mentality in humans:

"As humans, we have instinctual responses that are exacerbated by group influences. What we might not do as individuals we may do as part of a group.  People may lose control of their usual inhibitions, as their mentality becomes that of the group.

You have never heard of a peaceful riot.  Riots are, by definition, violent in nature.

All a riot is, is violent group behavior. The larger the group the greater the amplification of that group behavior.  If the group behavior is peaceful, exemplified by Martin Luther King and Ghandi, the group behavior is peaceful and orderly.

If the group behavior is violent, the larger the group, the more magnified the violence. The phenomenon of mob mentality has occurred throughout human history, whether it's witch burning, religious zealotry, political protests, or reactions to perceived racial micro-aggressions."

https://drwendyjames.com/the-psychology-of-mob-mentality-and-violence/

My snark is getting extremely pissed off. He has no mercy, my snark, on those who think and operate from an eager motivation to embrace ignorance, and an active defiance of at least acknowledging an opposing point of view without expressing violence in words or violence in personal action, such an assault upon someone physically or verbally against someone's personal character - mostly with physical violence used in a misguided attack, with the purpose of vengeance.

I expect this violent mob of oppressors currently operating in Denton to be using whatever tools at their disposal that an unruly mob can bring to arms in order to tear down that Confederate monument on the Denton Square.

I'm gonna assume the use of fists, yes... fists, sledge hammers, crowbars, regular hammers, electric power drills, a few long, metal poles forced underneath the foundation of the monument, with tough, solid objects, metal or otherwise, as a leveraging mechanism for uprooting this Confederate monument on the square in Denton, the one on the south side of the lawn upon which the old Courthouse still stands. I wouldn't surprised to see backhoes being used.

My snark is so pissed he's hot enough to glow a dull red. I'm having to keep him tied up with Teflon cord and away from flammable materials. He's having a difficult time with the concepts of tolerance which I once instilled into his snarky little brain.

I'm reacting to his visibly upset condition with a slew of words, continually repeated to him, like a mantra:

"Why should I really give a shit? Huh? Really, why? Why should I care about the memories of my ancestors? Why should I care that burning Georgia to the ground was an unforgivable atrocity? Why should I give one, single, floating turd about this issue? I can just go about life, right? My life... as it is, anyway.

My snark is giving me a look. A look that's close to imminent, ravenous laughter, but even closer to his imminent intent to shred me to pieces, even somehow with me safely out of his way.

He's thinking of making his OWN way closer to escaping, and his OWN way to Denton, to DO something...

But at the end of it, I guess that's all. Just pipe dreams. Now Snarky displays only this sad look of desperation and resignation.

My Snark is not in a mood.

Best to leave him alone for awhile.

He's not in a mood.
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A short story my experience of the almost unheard of, almost forbidden to mention existence of the phenomenon of white entitlement... except happening in reverse, to a white guy, and described exactly as it happened, detail by horrendous detail.

Guess what. I'm the main character of the story! I'm the white guy who was discriminated against, because of my long hair my beard, my combat boots, and the satchel I always have with me to carry around the accoutrements of a modern life.

It's only one story out of dozens and dozens of similar situations which I've endured stoically throughout my life for the most part, but today, this one particular bitch, plus all of her cohorts, managed to stir me up, practically at the same time, resulting in my telling all of them, in so many words, that I hoped each one of them had to continue to endure their own miserable existences for the next several eons, and that they all had defective genetics. Also, sometimes you just gotta tell somebody to fuck right off the planet, and to die horribly while they're doing it.

This particular instance happened today, June 18th, 2020 at about 2:30 pm.

Well, I have to admit that I had a fairly interesting day today, as far as shitty days go. I was accused of stealing wine from the local store where I buy cigarettes. By the way, this baseless accusation is worth about twelve tons of elephant manure.

I haven't purchased wine there for probably about six weeks, but I have been a regular customer at this specific store for about five months. I've been in there almost every one of those days, including ever since the alleged thievery occurred, to pick up a pack of daily smokes.

For some unfathomable, retarded hick reason, the retards who manage and work at the place had finally decided six weeks after the fact of my last wine purchase, that I had been stealing wine.

Huh, thought I? This was my first reaction. Gotta be a mistake.

I had purchased wine there before, sure - and I had ALWAYS put the wine on the counter, followed by exchanging money for goods and services - but for this somewhat slowly burgeoning idea in their brains they'd that I was somehow guilty, to congeal, took six weeks. decided to allow six weeks. An entire six weeks went by without my making a single wonder purchase... just cigarettes. This is what really called me when it has stink inpin, which didn't years more than a few seconds, after being accused of stealing wine.

My second thought was:

What kind of stupid ass, retarded, below 75 IQ kind of deduction was THAT? Why didn't they act on this suspicion six weeks ago, as opposed to tearing me like any other customer for six weeks, before putting to strike? Are the folks who run this place really as retarded as I've suspected they were?

My third reaction, after being told to leave the store under threat of calling the police was uttering, very loudly:

"What the fuck? You can't be serious!"

That's probably a fairly common, instant type of reaction to hear from someone right after feeling the instant shock you get when you've just been arbitrarily accused falsely of a crime that you had absolutely nothing to do with.

Being accused falsely of something is like pressing my Big Red Nuclear War button.

So, as I expected - when she beame adamant, that's when the real War kicked off, and I started cussing like a lunatic. Then the real shouting began, when I made it perfectly clear to them exactly where they could all fuck off to, with the bottom of the Marianas Trench being my most popular suggestion. I cursed them, their families, their ancestors and their horses. I cursed the ground the stote was built upon. I was told to have a 'nice day' by one employee as I was in the process of exciting the store. I replied:

"You can have a nice day in Hell, lady." I bought my cigarettes elsewhere.

By the time I was almost home, a cop spotted me and waved me over. Of course they'd called the cops, those bunch of earthworms. The cop who motioned to me asked if I would mind waiting outside the store, while he talked with the proprietor.

"Go for it," I replied.

After enough time has passed for the owner and employeesh to finish spinning thecthe crafted exposition of lies they'd obviously agreed upon beforehand, making absolutely sure that there fiction they were raising was fine indeed, I waited outside while lies were being told about me inside.

Finally the cop came out of the store and interviewsed me personally.

Cop - "Have you ever stolen wine from this establishment?"

Me - "Hell no! Everybody who works there is filthy pack of liars! I've been a regular customer for six months, and yes, I have before purcased wine there legally and with real live cash. Sometimes even with a debit or credit transaction! I don't know what kind of bug crawled up their asses and died, or why they all have their panties in a bunch, but they're accusing the wrong guy! I'm sick of this shit, being singled out and accused of something ALL THE TIME because of the way I look and dress. Sick of it, I say!"

The cop was all like:

"Whoa whoa, settle down and hold your horses for a sec. I understand that you're angry, and I'd be too if I were you. You're not under arrest or being detained. You've done nothing wrong. (a couple of employees were watching the transaction began myself and the cop, and didn't look too happy about the way things were turning out. Well, fuck them with a corkscrew!)

Cop - "However, there are just a few details we have to see to still we can put this mess behind us -"

Me - "Gimme it. I'll sign it gladly. I have nonno intention of ever stepping foot inside that shithole again, trespassers warning or not. Lemme sign it."

The cop was a little taken aback, but promptly produce produced the papers. I signed them then, and that concluded our business.

Although. 

One thing it's certain. Somebody it's stealing winf that place, and apparently it's reflecting in their inventory logs. I have 12 years of experience working at a place that, and somebody's stealing. Probably an employee

I hope she gets caught and fired real soon.

If it's not an employee, well. More power to 'em. I hope they clean the place out. I wish the wine thief the best of luck.

I grew up in a small East Texas town 20 minutes from where I am. I'm almost 50. I haven't lived here for 30 years. A few things have changed... there's a Mac Donald's now. Mostly what's changed is that nobody I knew in high school lives here anymore.

Oh. One thing that hasn't changed. One horse towns in the Bible Belt are still overflowing with retarded hicks..
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Ok, I went off the rails there for a while. Still, if you actually read all of that, you've wound up with not only a good dose of my logic, but some of my personal experiences, as well.