Duh Lekshun

There's this thing that I've noticed a lot more of lately, because of duh lekshun for the new Principal of America... about how people who spend a lot of time farting around on Facebook tend to react when experiencing a head-on collision with such instigationalizing items as news, information, observations, opinions, inane drivel, incessant ramblings, cat memes, caca, poo poo, bullshit, and the antics of the apparatchik chicks... who, admittedly, are just super cute and impossible to look away from. GO APPARATCHIK CHICKS! YOU GUYS RULE!

Anyway, back to the thing that I've noticed a lot more of lately. Para ejemplo (just a couple):

1. Mainly, it's all of this crap about the upcoming showdown for the new Principal of America that's got everybody's panties in a wad, and it's just unfathomable to me. I mean...

Ok. I think I can safely presume that just about everybody has had his or her panties in a wad before, for one reason or another. I know I have, and I can say with utmost vehemence that having my panties in a wad pretty much sucks thoroughly, and sideways. Having to dig in there and rescue my underwear from the cracks of doom is NOT an experience that I've found particularly palatable, and I feel as though I'm speaking for pretty much everyone here. Right? Am I right?

Ok. Now that we've established the unpleasantness of having to rescue your underwear from the Challenger Deeps, it becomes necessary to examine the reason why your underwear ever needed any rescuing to begin with. Why? Why would anyone knowingly ever put their underwear in such peril?

I'll tell you why. It's because politics makes you stupid and oblivious and causes your butt cheeks to clinch up incessantly, creating the perfect underwear trap. There. I feel that I've just spelt it out clearly enough so that any moron can understand. I mean, they teach this to us in kindergarten. Even the tardlies who take the short bus to school know better than to get their panties in a wad about... about... POLITICS!

IT'S ALL JUST A WIDELY BROADCASTED PSYCHOTIC JOKE, ALL OF IT! HOW CAN ANYBODY TAKE ONE LOOK AT IT AND THEN DECIDE, WITH AN UNPSYCHOTIC MIND, TO ACTUALLY INVEST ENOUGH CARE IN IT TO ACTUALLY PARTICIPATE, AS IF IT WAS SOMETHING THAT WASN'T JUST THE BIGGEST UPCHUCKED HAIRBALL OF LIES THAT'S EVER BEEN SERIOUSLY PASSED OFF AS A THING THAT ISN'T A BIG, FAT, HAIRY, STINKY, HILARIOUS JOKE, ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU'RE THE PUNCHLINE FOR BELIEVING ANY OF IT?

And then there's -

2. - the real badassery that gets circulated on social media now and then, but that nobody gives a flying horses patoot about. Stuff like, how the universe has a hundred times more galaxies than anybody ever thought it had, before... two trillion galaxies, that is! Preposterously awesome.

And other cool shit, like that star that keeps getting dimmer and dimmer with no plausible explanation for it, except that maybe there's a Dyson sphere under construction there? And that's what's blocking the light? An alien megastructure, in other words?

Or how about the Juno probe which just arrived at Jupiter?

Or the six inch wide, single celled amoebas at the bottom of the Mariana Trench?

Or the two supermassive black holes that collided and shook the universe so hard that reality crumpled and exploded like a rebounding trampoline for just a split second, and during that split second, every single cell in your body accelerated to Warp Factor 1? No shit?

Huh? What about all of that amazing stuff? What about all of that? Why do people instead love jacking their brains to a cartoon race to the top of a gold plated garbage heap? Why why why?

Why? Am I the mutant?

I just flat out do not get it.

ATALL.

Oh. And here's the REAL butt clincher...
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Naw, just kidding about the butt clincher. I'm done.