emergency bullshit

BRRRRRIIIIINGALINNNG

Hello, Grand Central Station...

Oh, hey, sup y'all. Huh? Me? Oh nuthin'. Just out haunting the neighborhood, up to no good. Drunk and high on amphetamines, hanging around between parked cars, with my head full of stars.

Oh, sorry... Huh?

Yeesh! That sounds exactly like the pedicure from hell, straight out of the lawyer book. Hell yeah, file a claim! That's an act of God. It's legal! Bad pedicures are always Acts Of God. Look it up in the lawyer book!

What? Say again? You woke up and your toenails were on fire? Oh. You just shake that off, that's called wake&bake&shake. Huh? Oh, what? They're literally on fire, with flames and smoke? Oh! Dang. Sorry bout that.

:::click::::

BRRRRRIIIIINGALINNNG!

Hello, Grand Central Station Drug Emporium, can I help you?  Huh? Oh, I see. Cold or clammy? Both? Which hand? Both hands? Ok, hold please...

BRRRRRIIIIINGALINNNG!

Grand Central Station Drug Emporium Smack-O-Matic, what's your emergency? Huh? Oh. Oh, I see. Are you sure? Ok then... firstly, and according to the instructions here... hang on. Ok. Firstly, did you do the tail flick test? No? Oh... yeah. No, yeah. You need to do that for the death certificate. Red tape... anyway.

:::click:::

BRRRRRIIIIINGALINNNG

Hello, Grand Central Station Boulevard... Oh! You still there? Great! What you need are 10,000 mg of Imodium. Do you have it? I mean them? Whatever... Oh... huh? What? Oh, you have it? REALLY? NO SHIT? Great! Now just administer it... carefully... watch for it... into the subdural vein of the transvertical hematoma, of the corresponding brain partholomew... watch for the weak ipsilaterral component... got it? Great!

Now. What I need you to do is to STAB the rat, carefully, right up it's butthole. Yes. Up the butthole. What? Oh, whatever... FINE! The anus. Can we continue? Thank you!

Carefully STAB the rat, right up it's ass, with a carefully contrived stabbing tool... why you little... hey, let go of that! SECURITY!!

:::click:::

BRRRRRIIIIINGALINNNG

Hello, Grand Central Station Mind Fuck Delivery Service and Quantum Algebra, please hold...

::: seventy two gazillion years later:::

BRRRRRIIIIINGALINNNG

Hello, Grand Central Station Mind Fuck Delivery Service and Quantum Algebra II, please hold...