Monday, November 3, 2008

A Normal Day at Work

I get to work. I'm a little bit late but it doesn't matter, it's Sunday and it's slow. I go over by the coffee bar with the tablet pc and start ordering stuff. Next thing I know, The Flower Lady shows up. Whoops... damn, I can usually hear her come in as she normally announces herself at full volume as soon as she's one step in the door. She must have snuck up on me intentionally, as usually I can evade her at least until she's ready to walk out the door. So, I'm there listening to her yap about some kind of disease she has that partially paralyzes the left half of her face. This gets my attention and I glance up and see that the right half of her face is sagging, just a little bit. Not much. It looks kind of like she has one eye partially closed. In fact, that's exactly what it is. I dunno if this disease is real, or some ploy to get sympathy so I'll 'pay-roll' some cigarettes for her, but she goes on about how she's just SO BROKE right now... hint hint. I quickly identify with that statement, agreeing that yeah, being broke sucks, I wish I had some money too, hint hint. Well, she drops that subject and moves onto her second favorite topic: The Texas Lottery.

Of course, she's going to win big soon, she just has to find the right ticket (she judges potential winners on the sequential numbering of the ticket in the roll). If the combination of numbers adds up to nine... say, a 63... then it's a winner. Of course, I have witnessed her purchasing several of these 'magic tickets' and haven't seen her win yet, but oh well. I tried to give her some advice once:

--Me behind the counter, The Flower Lady perusing the ticket selection--

Me: You know, if you would buy a bunch of the same tickets instead of one from each game, you'd have a much better chance of winning.

The Flower Lady: (continues to peruse the tickets, oblivious)

Me: You see, there are odds on each ticket (I pull one up and show her the back of a ticket, where the odds are printed). See, the odds on this ticket are 1:3.5. That means that one out of every three and a half tickets is a winner. So, instead of buying ten tickets, one from every game, you should buy ten tickets from a single game and you have a decent chance of winning 3 times.

The Flower Lady: I used to win a lot, I just gotta hit that streak again.

Me: The Texas Lottery is designed to make you lose, you know. There are ways to increase your chances though...

The Flower Lady: I just likes to scratch, thats all. (continues to peruse the tickets, oblivious)

Me: Well, if you'd take my advice, you would win more often, I guarantee it.

She seemed as though she were actively trying to ignore me when I was giving her that advice, as if it were a personal affront. Oh well, far be it from me to tell her how to manage her addiction. So, she comes back a few days later with this story:

The Flower Lady: I tried that, what you said. I spent 200 dollars the other day, all of em on scratch offs, and I didn't win nothin.

Me: You bought 200 tickets, all from the same game, and you didn't win anything?

The Flower Lady: Nothin. I didn't win nothin.

Well, I know she was flat out lying to me. So I advise her that maybe she should lay off the tickets for a while, being that she spent 200 dollars in one day and didn't win anything. She didn't take too kindly to that. I suggested that she should maybe go to an AA meeting, or a meeting for people with a gambling problem. She didn't take too kindly to that either. Maybe it wasn't my place to give such advice, but hell, I have to deal with her begging me for money and smokes on an almost daily basis so it has also become my problem, to a certain extent.

Anyway, back to Today. Eventually she's finished with the coffee bar and she moves to the lottery counter, all the while still yammering away. I hear her over there engaging Adela in the task of helping her find a winner, and I get back to my ordering. Eventually she leaves.

Later I'm pulling shit out from under the desk in the back room, and I find an apple under there. I suddenly have a wonderful idea. 'Watch my magic trick with this apple,' I say to Adela and Ryan as I step out the front door. The parking lot is empty, so I walk out into the middle of it and toss that apple up into the air as hard as I can. As it impacts the asphalt surface of the parking lot, it shatters into several dozen pieces. I whoop with triumph and see Adela and Ryan through the store window, laughing. A guy who was about to go inside stops and claps. I bow, and get to gathering up the apple pieces. This takes me a while, and as I'm finishing up, the guy finishes his transaction and comes back outside. He says to me, 'destruction is the ultimate form of creation'. I consider this for a few seconds, and respond with 'yeah, ain't it cool? Especially considering that all of the atoms which comprise our bodies were forged in the heart of a star long since destroyed in a violent supernova'. He stops and considers this thoughtfully for a few seconds, then smiles and nods and walks off.

Later I'm checking some customers. An attractive black girls comes in. She's not wearing any makeup and is dressed in a green t-shirt, blue jeans, and no shoes... just a pair of socks. Otherwise she is perfectly normal appearing. She stands there in front of the counter, looking at me, smiling and holding a 20 dollar bill. I smile back. She continues to stand there for a few seconds more and then hands me the 20. She smiles some more, so I figure that I should probably say something, so I ask her, 'what can I get for you?' 'Oh,' she says, surprised. 'I want 20 dollars in gas. Just look at me, I'm a drunken wreck. I don't even have any shoes on! I'm so sorry.' All the while she is just smiling the biggest, warmest smile. I laugh and say, 'ok. 20 in gas. Thanks a bunch.' So she pumps her gas and leaves. Weird.

So anyway, later I'm outside smoking a cigarette and another attractive black girl (this must be the day for good looking black chicks) is over by the air machine, wrestling with the hose. She walks towards the store, so I put out my cigarette and go inside and stand behind the counter, ready for whatever she wants. She comes inside and approaches me, laughing. She says 'I was going to ask you if you could help me air up my tire before you went inside, so... sorry, but can you come back outside and help me?' So, I accompany her to her car and inspect her tire for the required pressure. I tell her that it's 44 psi, and to just put 75 cents in the machine. She only has 50 cents, so I give her a quarter. She thanks me profusely. So, I grab the hose, which has to be pulled forcibly out from the machine (it really is kind of a pain in the ass) and instruct her as to it's use. 'Just put the nozzle up to the thing on the tire, yeah that thing there, take the cap off first... ok, just push it up against it hard unti it stops hissing. And then press this handle here and it'll start to air it up. And just let go of the handle now and then (I demonstrate) and an air guage will pop out (it pops out and her pressure is 20 psi) telling you the pressure. Keep filling it until it hits 44 psi'. So, as I'm doing this for her, I'm kneeling down next to her tire and she is kneeling next to me, very close. She is almost leaning against me, as a matter of fact, and her tits are about... 10 inches away from my face. They are big ones and she is wearing a low cut top. She is also kneeling forward, so I have a REALLY good view right down her shirt. I have a hat on with a bill that is covering my face so she can't see my eyes, so I get a nice, long eyefull. Eventually I finish airing up the tire and again, she thanks me profusely. I tell her 'no problemo', and she leaves. All in all a worthy experience.

So, it's the same day, and this guy comes in wearing a shirt that reads 'Sorry girls, I only date supermodels' across the front. He is young and I guess chicks would consider him reasonably attractive, and he has a new Scion parked outside. My first impression is 'spoiled rich college brat'. Adela is checking him, so he gives her money for his gas and he leaves. After he's out the door, Adela turns to me and says 'his shirt should read "sorry girls, I only date boys".' I thought this was fucking hilarious and almost died laughing.

Remember the 'drunken mess'? Well, it's about 3 hours later and in she comes again. As she enters, she announces 'the drunken wreck is back!' I laugh. She asks how much a 24 pack of water is, and I tell her 4.99. I tell her that she doesn't seem drunk to me, and she just laughs again and says 'oops, I guess the drunken wreck should also get a gallon to go with this,' and she gets a gallon of spring water. I tell her that I've seen some drunken wrecks before, and sorry, she just doesn't qualify... but she just smiles really big again, pays, and leaves without offering any further explanation. I was hoping that she would come back a third time so I could really interrogate her on this 'drunken wreck' thing, but I guess 3rd time wasn't a charm. Maybe I'll see her again.

That's about it for today. I could have sworn there was something else from today... if I remember I'll post a new blog.

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