Thursday, November 13, 2008

At the Dollar General

Today I didn't go to work. I got up at 6:00 am and was feeling 'iffy'... that is, nauseous. I toughed it out until 6:55 (had to be at work at 7:00) and couldn't hold it back anymore and puked for about 10 minutes. So, I called in to work.

Weird, that. Food poisoning, thought I, when I remembered the week old soup I had for supper last night.

However, I was feeling right again at about 3:00 so I went up to the Dollar General store to browse their books (oddly enough, Dollar General usually has a good sci-fi selection for a dollar). So, I get in the store and this black lady is really giving it to this guy who works there. It went something like this:

DG guy: I saw you get out of her car, I know you are with her.

Lady: I din get out no fuckin car wid dat bitch! Watchoo talkin bout!

DG guy: She is wearing a blue dress and she just left. I know you're with her.

Lady: What da fuck. You a lie motherfucker.

DG guy: That's ok, I'll just call the police. (he walks away)

Lady: You go ahead an call them mo fuckin' PO-lice. I sit out in my car and wait for dem mo-fo's. Fuck you, I'm up in dis mo-fo evy day, I ain't tryin' hide nuthin'. (she turns suddenly and addresses somebody) Hey, come here! You da one he talkin' 'bout, sayin' I'm wit you!

Other lady: Huh? (she is wearing a blue dress, I assume this is the lady the DG guy was referring to)

Lady: Yo, mo-fucker, this here the lady, and I ain't with her! Am I? I didn't come in wit you.

Other lady: Huh? Whats this all about? No, you didn't come in with me.

DG guy: You two aren't together?

Lady: Hell NO we ain't together, I came here in my OWN car bitch!

Other lady: We didn't come here together. I don't know this lady.

DG guy: (walking away again) Ok, I'll take care of it. I apologize.

What the hell was THAT all about?

Monday, November 10, 2008

One thing I've noticed

One thing I have noticed while working at 7-Eleven. People's IQ's tend to drop a good 50 points the minute they walk in the door. I have several examples:

Me: Would you like a bag for all that?

Customer: (slows visibly with what they were doing, be it counting money or arranging items or punching buttons on the pinpad, finally coming to a complete halt as they stand there motionless and staring off into space) Uh...

Me: (waiting)

Customer: Uh...

Me: (waiting)

Customer: No. (usually they resume, albeit very slowly, whatever they were doing) NO WAIT, YES. I want a bag.

Me: (bagging items) Do you want a receipt?

(repeat above steps, mix, and serve. It ain't frikin rocket science)

That's one. Here's another:

Customer: (hands me a hundred dollar bill to pay for a cigarillo, which costs 1.07)

Me: I'm sorry, but I can't break a hundred dollar bill.

Customer: Huh?

Me: You see, we keep very little cash in the register. It's for security reasons.

Customer: This is all I have.

Me: I'm sorry, but there is a sign on the door stating that we only keep 30 dollars in the register, so breaking a one hundred dollar bill is usually out of the question, unless you are making at least a 50 dollar purchase. If you want, you can wait for ten minutes while the safe cycles. (by this time I'm getting a little aggravated)

Customer: (usually stands there, at a complete loss as to what they should do) You guys took one the other day.

Me: I'm sorry, but most convenience stores keep very little cash in the register. The largest bill I can accept easily is a 20. Would you like to wait for the safe to cycle? It'll be about 10 minutes.

Customer: I can't wait 10 minutes.

Me: I'm sorry then, you'll either have to wait for the safe to cycle or let me wait on the next customer.

Customer: (walks out in a huff)

This happens at least once a day, usually more. Now, I would NEVER walk into a convenience store with a hundred dollar bill. It's fucking retarded. Especially to pay for an item that costs one dollar.

Here's another:

Customer: (hands me a 20 dollar bill) I need 20 in gas. (turns around and walks out)

Me: Which pump?

Customer: (stops with the door half way open) Uh... (long pause, usually at least 5-10 seconds) That car over there (motions towards the pumps) on the other side. Pump... I don't know the pump number. (sometimes there are four cars at the pumps, and merely gesturing and saying 'the other side' gives me a 50/50 chance of choosing the correct pump)

Me: Which car is it? There are two trucks, a black Mustang, and a blue Honda Civic.

Customer: Oh, oh. It's the white truck.

Me: Oh, I thought you said a car. Which white truck, the one on the left or the one on the right?

Customer: The one on the right.

Me: Thanks.

Now it may sound like I'm exaggerating, but I'm not. Shit like this happens on a daily basis.