Friday, December 26, 2008


Yesterday morning I went to work and was feeling all depressed again. Thankfully I was let off work early and I went to my sisters straight after that.

Well, it turns out I'm not depressed after all. I'm just sick. Almost immediately after arriving at my sisters, I started getting physically ill... cough, sore throat, chills, fever, sneezing, runny nose, the works. I do find it decidedly odd, though, that getting sick was prefaced by this horrible depression. That's never happened before.

Anyway, I've never been so glad to be sick in my life. Now that the physical part has kicked in full force, the mental part has pretty much gone away. I was really getting worried there for a while. Nothing is worse than that deep, dark clinical depression, the kind where you have to constantly fight minute by minute to hold back tears. Yuck. I hate it. I hope it never comes back again. EVER.

I'll see my mom today and she'll take care of poor widdle me.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Christmas Day

Thank the maker. Today I got off work early. Ryan shows up late again, of course, but it's not like it's a biggie. We're dead on Christmas. So he rolls in at about 7:45. Sup Ryan. Merry Christmas. I told him about how I went into berzerker mode yesterday.

Terry calls and wants Ryan to start the paperwork. I tell him this. He says that maybe that means Terry is going to finish it and he'll get to go home early. Yeah, maybe.

Terry gets there and wants a cigarette count and one of us can go home after it's finished. Ryan volunteered to stay. I told him that I owe him one.

My brother came to the store and took the car keys. He's at my sisters, where I'm going to go in a while. He said he'll pick me up at 2:00 but I just walked home. I get to be alone for a while.

I'm feeling it again today. This sucks. I'm going to sit here alone for a while because I rarely get this chance. I haven't been drunk or even had a drink in over a year. I think I'll catch a buzz at Chey's today. It will probably put me in a better mood.

My mom and stepdad are coming to Denton tomorrow. I have the next three days off to celebrate Christmas with them and my brother and my sister and John. They're both getting old (my mom and Ed). I think I might lie down and never get up when she dies. I don't like thinking about it.

Merry Christmas everybody. I hope it's a good one. :)

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Bad Day

Today I felt like a zombie. The day started normally and then I got to work and I couldn't work up the motivation for anything. I was walking in slow motion. I couldn't look anybody in the eye. I caught myself stopping what I was doing and staring off into space. Several people asked me what was wrong. I dunno, I would say. It got worse and worse. It started feeling like depression. I don't understand that. I haven't felt depressed, like that anyway, for years. My brother says it's because of the holidays. No it's not. It's not because of anything. It is pretty damn random and pretty damn wierd. It lasted until about 12:00 and then the shit hit the fan.

The shelf with all of the chips and cookies that stands under the heat lamp where we put the breakfast sandwiches decided to take a magical mystery tour of the store. One minute I'm staring off into space, the next WHUMP. I jumped a little and turn to see chips and cookies and sunflower seeds scattered all over the floor with the shelf lying there in 3 pieces. I stared some more. People came in and giggled. I didn't giggle. I walked around the counter and looked at it. I walked back behind the counter and got 3 trash bags. I started putting stuff in the bags. Chips. Sunflower seeds. Cookies. A little kid tried to help. No thanks, I said. I started to get a little bit pissed. I started to chuck the stuff into the bag. I started to throw the stuff into the bag. I started to throw the stuff over the counter. I stood up and grabbed a piece of the shelf and HEAVED it off of the floor. This caused chips and cookies to go flying everywhere. I manhandled that fucking thing back behind the counter and SLAMMED it into the floor. I went back and grabbed another piece. One of the bags was caught on it. I HEAVED that one too and the bag went flying, sending more chips and cookies on various trajectories. Customers stopped to look. I looked at the customers. Now and then I'd have to stop to take some money from one of those fuckers. I was not nice to them and they scurried out of the store with their tails between their legs. Finally one guy who came in earlier knelt down and started throwing shit in the bag. "Here, let me give you a hand. You want these in the bag?" I was about to tell him to go fuck himself, but I just nodded my head. So we got all of the crap put into bags and I said "thanks" to the guy.

After that I started feeling a little bit closer to normal, but shit still ain't right. This is wierd and unprecedented and unaccountable. I'll sleep on it tonight and we'll see what happens tomorrow.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

In the morning

YAWN :::smack smack::: (stretch) Huh? :::fumbles around for the light switch::: (hey, there's light. yay) :::grabs laptop off of the floor, logs onto MySpace:::

Oh. Well, I didn't post a blog last night because I was just tired I guess. I watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail and then went to beddy bye.

(lets see, what else is going on today before the drudgery of life begins in earnest)

:::looks up Bjork Homogenic song lyrics:::

"I tried to organize freedom, how Scandinavian of me."

Ah, the song is Hunter. Funny that I didn't realize that. It's the first song on the album.

:::browses the game forums for a while, defends honor, dishes out some wisdom, puts the smack down on an uppity teenager for getting smart, glances at clock:::

(oh shit, it's already 5:16. sonofabitch)

:::gets up to take a shower:::

(screw it, too damn cold in the bathroom)

:::crawls back in bed:::

(live, from

"So, get out your 2009 calendar and put a big circle around Saturday morning, Jan. 3. That's the expected peak date for the Quadrantids, a notoriously unpredictable meteor display. In 2009, peak activity is due to occur in the pre-dawn hours of Jan. 3 and will strongly favor western North America."

(hmmm, if it's not cloudy maybe I'll get up an hour or two early and check em out)

:::eyes closed, trying to stop time:::