I'm leaving for Alaska today, and yesterday Leah came over to say goodbye. I couldn't believe that it was happening... we hadn't spoken to each other since April 16th. The last month and a half has seemed like a bad dream that never ends. Then yesterday I saw my girl again...
But she's not my girl. I can't lay any claim to her, but I love her so. Yesterday when I saw her, and talked to her, and spent time with her, that seemed like a dream too. My friend - my best friend. The one I love was here, I could see her, I could hear her. It didn't seem real. I was so happy.
I keep thinking though, what if things hadn't happened the way she described them to me? Would she still have wanted to see me to say goodbye? Would she have cared, or would her happiness have kept me relegated to a simple memory, a phase in her life that was over and done with? I don't know. I felt so abandoned when this all started, just cut off and thrown away and forgotten. I don't want to think like that though... the girl I love said goodbye to me, we spent time together and had fun, and it was almost like it used to be. I was so happy. I hope so much that we're friends again. It feels like we are... I think we are. I just hope I'm strong enough to be selfless about this and truly be her friend.
It hurts my heart to think that she might be feeling something similar to what I've been feeling. I wish her all the happiness in the world... and I still hold onto a fools hope, I guess, that I might be able to make her happy some day. For now, I'll be in Alaska until late September. We'll see what God has in store.