Friday, January 28, 2011

This day

I felt like ugly crap today when I woke up.  It was about 6:00 and I had only been asleep for about 5 hours and I couldn't sleep anymore.  Lately I've been waking up early and haven't been able to get back to sleep.  I took two benadryls and went back to sleep until 1:30 and woke up feeling groggy and in that half-place where I couldn't sleep anymore but didn't want to be awake.  I had one of those big single beers that I brought home last night that I didn't drink, so I drank it right off the bat since it's my day off.  I didn't feel any better and my stomach hurt.  I wanted to sleep some more but still couldn't.

I stayed awake and Matt and I got into an argument of course, which is the status quo around here so that's no surprise.  I forgot what it was about... no, it was about something I was watching online.  He was in the living room listening to it, and after it was over, we started talking about it and it turned into an argument.  I don't like that, always arguing, but it seems unavoidable that my brother and I always argue when we talk.  It doesn't always start out as an argument, but it usually almost always evolves into one.  I've come to the conclusion that it's not anybody's fault and that we just don't understand each other.  We are like yin and yang.  Sometimes I wonder if Matt and I were mortal enemies in a previous life, and are now bound together in this life by karma, destined to always experience our differences so that we can eventually work them out.  Pride is one big pain in the ass.

Tonight Matt and I went to Mr. Chopstix.  I had shrimp tempura with crab rangoons, and Matt had some kind of beef walnut thing.  We started off with some saki and toasted every time we drank.  We traded toasts that went like this:

Matt - May every answer always lead to another question :::clink:::
Me - May Ryan be successful with his career after he moves to Waco :::clink:::
Matt - May all gorgeous moments be written down and remembered :::clink:::
Me - May Fr. Justin's daughters grow up happy and without strife :::clink:::
Matt - May we always be who we are no matter where we are :::clink:::
Me - May we not have to worry about typing our toasts into the notepad :::clink:::

(I didn't type Matt's next toast and now I don't remember what it was)

Me - May commercial spaceflight be affordable before we die :::clink:::)
Matt - May we live art as opposed to just doing it :::clink:::
Me - May we always stay cool (personally and comfortably) :::clink:::

And then my paltry little phone ran out of notepad memory.  We had a few more toasts that I swore to remember but, of course, I don't.

After that we finished dinner and walked home.  We had many other adventures and arguments, ranging from the forced perspective of sidewalk paintings and how they applied to the third Indiana Jones movie, to colored lighting and how it casts shadows in complimentary colors, to the Orion Nebula and BronYrAur.  We even explored the front yard of an abandoned house and wondered what was inside.  I wanted to go in and look, but that would have been breaking and entering.  We went home instead.

We of course had it out again, off and on, many more times.  It finally comes down to this moment, and I don't want to think about it anymore.  So now I end this night listening to music and waiting to fall asleep.

--------------------------sleep happened--------------------------

And now it's the next day, and it seems like a good day.  It's warm and I took a walk to the store to grab some sundries earlier.  Something about today - maybe it's the smell of the air outside, or the music in the background of the flash game I have paused, or the temperature and weather - something makes today seem like a nostalgic kind of dejavu of memories, from the old house in East Texas to bits and pieces of various times in Austin to something that I kind put my finger on.  A kind of weird positive.


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