Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Matt was watching Scrubs in the living room and Blue Eyes by Carey Brothers was playing. Man this brought back memories. When I first started seeing Leah we listened to her music and I got to like a lot of it, and Blue Eyes was one of the songs I kind of fell in love with. That and Eyes by Rogue Wave. What is it with Eyes songs? Green Eyes by Coldplay is another. So that started me thinking about those days… that song always affects me deeply. I miss her so much when I think about those days. We used to have so much fun. We would go over to her apartment every day after work and just be together and have fun. I used to rub theragesic on her shoulders and massage her feet, and she would take pictures of me and video tape me when I was depressed and then we would laugh about it later. One morning I woke up at her place and had to work, and I remembered my laundry was still in the washer. I was sitting on her couch and said ‘son of a bitch’ softly to myself when I remembered. I went to work, and she worked 2nd shift. She came into work early to talk to me, I think, and I was preoccupied. I went home and read a message from her on MySpace, saying that she had thought I’d said ‘you’re a bitch’. And she left a message on my phone saying she was feeling really clingy. I rushed up there to 7-Eleven and she was outside smoking a cigarette. I told her I loved her and what I’d said about the laundry, and I remember that and just feel terrible, like crying. How can this be over? How can all of those feelings just be gone for her? I don’t understand, I’ve never been in love with someone and then just fallen out of love. I don’t understand and it hurts. She used to tell me she loved me and I believed it. I believed that and I trusted her. I don’t understand. What did I do wrong? Am I really too angry? What do I do with these memories? How can I let them work for good instead of just making me deeply sad? I was feeling great tonight until now.