Sunday, September 11, 2011

Sick of this.

Last night I came home from vigil and went into my room and plopped down to read.  Matt came in a few minutes later and asked me if I wanted to go to Mr. Chopstix with him.  I declined, as I wasn't hungry and it was late, and I was tired.  He didn't say anything and went to his room.

About 20 minutes later, he came back into my room and I was on my computer, watching the appendix DVD's to The Lord of the Rings.  He stood there for a second and then asked, "Is that all you're doing?" 

I have to confess to being a little confused as to the question.  Was what all I'm doing?  Watching a movie?  Yeah.  "I'm watching a movie," I replied

"What else have you got going on?"  I then realized what he was beating around the bush about.  I was currently downloading a movie, and that tends to take up a lot of bandwidth and he was having trouble streaming a movie on his laptop.  Or so I assumed, since when he's not working he lies in bed in his room and watches streaming video.  He's also gotten into the habit of just unplugging my internet cable from the modem without even telling me.

"Oh, yeah, I'm downloading a movie.  That's slowing everything down, probably.  I'll stop it."  I closed the download program.  Matt continued to stand in my doorway.

"Do you know what bandwidth is?" he asked.  Do wha?  What in the heck did he mean by that?  He knows that I know what bandwidth is.  I had no idea why he was asking me that.  I looked at him for a few seconds, trying to figure out if he was joking.  He said, "When you download, it eats up the bandwidth.  We only have so much bandwidth."

"Of course I know what bandwidth is, I'm not retarded," I said to him.  "I just can't figure out if you're trying to be sarcastic, or what."

"When you say something like 'it slows everything down', it sounds like you don't know anything, like you're just ignorant.

I had no idea why he was being an asshole all of a sudden, but I didn't feel like arguing with him, so I just ignored him and went back to watching my movie. 

About a half hour later, I realized that I didn't have any cash to give to the church the next day.  I needed to drive up to the Wells Fargo ATM and withdraw some, so I started hunting around for the keys.  First off, let me preface what is about to happen by saying that Matt has been using mom's car for the past couple of months for work, so when he's not actually working, it's convenient to have a car here for when I need to run to the store.  So, I was looking for the keys, and I couldn't find them.  I peekeed into Matt's room and saw them lying on his bedside table near the door, so I picked them up and said, "I need to take the car for a second so I run up to an ATM and get some cash."

He gave me a look of pure hostility and said, "THE car.  You're taking THE car, right?"

Oh boy, here we go again, I thought.  "Uh... yeah, that's what I said.  I didn't say MY car.  It's mom's car."  I though that maybe he'd thought that I'd said 'my' car, and that it had irked him, since it wasn't 'my' car. 

"Whatever.  THE car."

I had no idea why he was being so overtly hostile, when just an hour before he'd offered to get us dinner at Mr. Chopstix.  I was starting to get a little upset, and he was making me feel like I needed to explain myself, so I said, "I need to get some cash for church tomorrow..."

"I don't give a fuck what you need to do.  Why should I care about that?  What the fuck has that got to do with me?  I don't give a shit about that or whatever it is that you need to do."  He said this to me like he was talking to a piece of shit; that anything I had to say to him wasn't worthy of his attention.  That got me genuinely upset.

"What crawled up your ass?" I said.  He just sat there on his bed and glared up at me.  He didn't say anything, so I said, "Somethings pissing you off.  What is it?  What did I do?"  He still didn't reply.  "What?  What did I do?"

"You did know that I'm buying that car from mom, right?"

No, I didn't know that.  It was news to me.  But now everything made sense... kind of.  He was pissed off because I had been in the habit of just up and taking 'his car' when I needed to run an errand.  There was something more to it than that though, because even if it was his car, and it was a known fact that it was his car, he wouldn't have gotten upset about me taking it unless he was pissed off about something else.  He'd never gotten upset before when I took the car for a 5 or 10 minute hop to the store.  Why is that something to get upset about anyway?  I don't know.  Like I said, I think there was more to it, but I don't know what.

"No, I didn't know that."

"Well, now you do."

I tossed the keys to him and said, "Fuck it, I'll just walk."

He gave me a really shitty smile.  "Sounds like a great idea to me!  You do that!"  I walked away from his door and went into the bathroom.  He called after me.  "Why don't you have a car, anyway?"

"You're an asshole," I said, and shut the bathroom door.

"You're always relying on other people, mooching off people.  Why are you always depending on others for everything?  Why can't you just depend on yourself for a change?"

This had the effect of pissing me right off.  I opened the bathroom door.  Matt was lying in bed with his head turned toward me, with a FUCK YOU snarl plastered across his face.  I was incredulous.  What the hell was going on?  There wasn't any reason for any of this.

"I can't believe you're saying that to me," I said.  "I paid all of the bills, all of the rent, everything for two months while you just moped around the house and sat in your room all day, not even looking for a job.  I didn't mind!  And now you're using mom's car so you can work.  If it weren't for mom, you'd be up shit creek, so who's depending on who?  What the fuck is this shit?"

"And I paid all of that back to you!" he said.

"That's not my point.  I didn't mind paying for everything, and I didn't give a flip if you ever even paid me back at all.  What I take issue with is you telling me that I have to depend on everybody, and implying that I especially have to depend on you."  I slammed the bathroom door.

I still don't understand what the hell happened.  Maybe he felt irked because I didn't want to go to Mr. Chopstix with him.  I don't know.  He's like a selfish, spoiled asshole little kid.  I just want my own place, and to be away from him.  I'm sick of this shit.

No comments:

Post a Comment