Saturday, March 19, 2011

Double whammy

Today I punched myself in the face and slammed the back of my head into the roof of the car.  Here's how it happened:

I was leaning into the passenger side, trying to lift a heavy laundry basket, and the plastic edge I was gripping broke.  My hand, which was balled into a fist from gripping the edge of the basket, kept going 'up' and that's how I punched my own lights out.  Then my head, reacting to the self-inflicted hammer blow, jerked upwards and brutally smashed into the sharp edge of the roof where the door closes.  SMACK-THUNK!  DOUBLE WHAMMY!  I really let myself have it.  I actually saw little sparkles, and for a second there my brain didn't know which pain to process first... the smashed in nose or the KRAK! of the skull.

Now, does that seem fair?  Didn't seem fair to me, not one bit.

Friday, March 18, 2011


WHOMP! went the broom.  DEAD! went the wasp.  TAKE THAT! went the guy.

"Where is that other wasp?  Where is it where is it where is it!"  The guy looked around the living room everywhere, but the other wasp had apparently gone into hiding after having witnessed it's best friend just getting whomped by a broom by the guy.

The guy grew complacent and overconfident, but little did he know that the other wasp was biding it's time, waiting for the opportunity to strike.

After a few hours, the guy grabbed his shades.  He was going to walk to the store.  He opened the door, put the shades on his face, and was about to step outside, when whaddya know, the wasp had been hiding right there, under the shades, where the dark glass concealed him.  Now he was antennae to eyeball with the killer of his best friend.

STING! went the stinger.  KERPLUSHK! went the eyeball as it popped.  SPLAT! went the inside of the shades.  OWYOUMOTHERF'ERMYEYE! went the guy.  TAKE THAT! went the wasp, as it flew out the door.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

7th Hell webcomic

What the heck was that...

At about 5:25 am this morning, I was starting to get tired of walking around and reading, so I had decided to call it a night.  I was on Oak St., walking towards the 7-Eleven, and I was almost to Ave. B.  I was about to cross Oak and head into the 7-Eleven for something to drink before I went home when I saw something in the sky, above the dry cleaners.  It was a bright, glowing blue... thing, a ball, I guess... it didn't look like anything recognizable.  Just a bright, bluish white blob.  Anyway, this bright thing moved erratically from the right to the left for about a second and a half, and then it disappeared.  I immediately thought to myself, "Self, what the heck was that you just saw?"  I jogged down the sidewalk so that a tree wouldn't be in the way, to see if I could see it again.  I caught another glimpse of it briefly, and then it disappeared for good.

I have absolutely zero clue as to what it could have realistically been.  Maybe ball lightning?  Is that realistic?  It definitely qualified as bright and glowing, so maybe it was a plasma that ball lightning is thought to be comprised of.  Who knows?  It certainly was weird.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011


Matt was watching Scrubs in the living room and Blue Eyes by Carey Brothers was playing. Man this brought back memories. When I first started seeing Leah we listened to her music and I got to like a lot of it, and Blue Eyes was one of the songs I kind of fell in love with. That and Eyes by Rogue Wave. What is it with Eyes songs? Green Eyes by Coldplay is another. So that started me thinking about those days… that song always affects me deeply. I miss her so much when I think about those days. We used to have so much fun. We would go over to her apartment every day after work and just be together and have fun. I used to rub theragesic on her shoulders and massage her feet, and she would take pictures of me and video tape me when I was depressed and then we would laugh about it later. One morning I woke up at her place and had to work, and I remembered my laundry was still in the washer. I was sitting on her couch and said ‘son of a bitch’ softly to myself when I remembered. I went to work, and she worked 2nd shift. She came into work early to talk to me, I think, and I was preoccupied. I went home and read a message from her on MySpace, saying that she had thought I’d said ‘you’re a bitch’. And she left a message on my phone saying she was feeling really clingy. I rushed up there to 7-Eleven and she was outside smoking a cigarette. I told her I loved her and what I’d said about the laundry, and I remember that and just feel terrible, like crying. How can this be over? How can all of those feelings just be gone for her? I don’t understand, I’ve never been in love with someone and then just fallen out of love. I don’t understand and it hurts. She used to tell me she loved me and I believed it. I believed that and I trusted her. I don’t understand. What did I do wrong? Am I really too angry? What do I do with these memories? How can I let them work for good instead of just making me deeply sad? I was feeling great tonight until now.

Surrounded by people, forever alone (that's the title of this comic, not some kind of self pity thing)

A dream - running and falling

The Indians were chasing me, they wanted me dead.  I hid in a petrified hollow log.  They ran past me and didn't see me.  I ran back to my tent and tried to warn Matius.  The Indians showed up, but couldn't figure out how to get inside.  The zippers were baffling them.  I made a run for it, and the Indians figured out the zippers.  I left Matius there.  I ran home.

When I got there Matius had taken my keys and left in the car.  There was a fat baby crawling around the house.  The baby tried to pet a kitty that was lying on my bed.  It crawled up on it and reached out, and the kitty scratched it.  The baby cried, and hit the kitty, and then crawled away.  The kitty ran after the baby and scratched it again.  The baby kept crying.  It hit the kitty again.  The kitty and the baby were both bloody by now.  I watched this and cringed.

Chiy called and asked "Where is Mati?" He alawys leaves off the 'us' in Matius.  I said that he had the keys to the car and had been gone for a while.  I was at work now, at the top of a tall skyscraper.  People were pulling up heavy furniture through the window.  I watched as they did this, feeling lucky that I didn't have to do that heavy labor.  Then the building shook, and started to fall.  I was amazed by the reality of it.  This was it, I was going to die.  I really believed it.  I could see out the window, it was cloudy and dark outside.  The landscape was shifting as the building tilted.  It fell faster, and the walls and ceiling crumbled around me.  I grabbed onto a heavy shelf and knew that it would crush me soon.  I fell faster and faster.  Everything became chaos, and I prayed out loud, over and over, "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner."  I waited to die, waited for the crushing impact.  Everything slowed down and turned gray and still and I waited for the pain.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Happy - part 2

Ok, what is it with the awesome moods lately? I’m suspicious of this. I’m not on drugs and I’m not drunk, and I’m at work. And I feel great, just frikin wonderful. What is this? I love being at work with Brittney, she’s such a Godsend to me, to have a friend like her to work with. But I’ve also experienced these moods when working with Matius and Matt. And what do I have to be happy about? Nothing. My life is in the shitter basically… I’m out of communion, the friendship I tried to start back up failed miserably, the girl I love doesn’t love me because I’m too nice (or too angry, I don’t know which really), my brother tried to kill me, I’ll probably be in default on my loans again soon if I’m not already, I’m broke and might be homeless in 2 months, and I’ll probably die single and alone in a nursing home.

A dream - underground

A guy was on a subway in San Francisco.  He tried to get off at his stop, but a girl wouldn't let him off.  She was pretty and quirky.  He couldn't make himself angry at her.  She got off the subway at the stop right before it started moving again.  The doors started to close, so he jumped off and got caught in the doors.  The train started moving and he had a hard time jumping onto the walkway, but he did.  He started walking with the girl.

"Why did you do that?  You almost made me miss my stop."

"Well, your day just got more interesting, didn't it?"  She said, and smiled at him.

They walked for a while together through the subway tunnels, and the tunnels started to get decrepit and dilapidated.

"We call these parts of the tunnels the Concrete Jungle," said the woman.  "It's dangerous to be down here."

"When I used to ride these subways back when I lived here, they would go underground and even if it was zero degrees on the surface, down here it was always warm and humid."  When he said this it reminded me of another dream where I was riding a dark subway through dark tunnels that were warm and humid.

They eventually came to a door in the side of the tunnel, with big glass windows on each side.  They went inside and sat down at a table.  They talked some more, but the girl had become fat and ugly.  The guy didn't seem to notice and was quite captivated with her.  Then he suddenly remembered something and got up to leave.  "I'll be right back," he said.

When he left, the girl looked to make sure he was gone, then called someone on her phone.

"Yeah, he found you, and he's on his way," she said into the phone.  She talked some more and nodded and then hung up and got in her car and drove away.

When the guy came back, the view was from inside the room.  He was yelling her name, it was Lisa, but the room was soundproof.  He searched around for the door, but it had moved.  A man was now inside the room, watching the first guy as he looked for the door.  The first guy had left his watch on the table, and he picked it up.  He checked to make sure everything else was in place, then sat down at the table as if he were waiting for him.

The first man finally found the door and came into the room, and saw the second man sitting there.

"Man, I was with this girl last night, and it was unbelievable," he said to the first guy.

"I'm just looking for my watch," said the first guy.  He saw that the other guy was wearing it.

"Aw," he said, "This?  I'll give you thirty dollars for it."  They started to shake hands.

At that moment another man came into the room.  He had big glass gloves on, and he put an even bigger pair on over those.  His hands were huge, the size of tables.  He grabbed the guys hands as they were shaking and started to crush them.  The screams were horrible.  It reminded me of a television commercial, advertising the toughness of watches.  The guy with the gloves said, "Now, that's a Goliath watch if I ever saw one."  He continued to crush the guys arms into bloody pulps.

The screaming continued, and the sounds of bones crunching was awful.  He gathered both men in his hand and crushed them together into one unrecognizable bloody pulp.  The only thing left was the head of the second guy, which was still alive.  It looked around in horror at the mangled mess and then died.

I woke up terrified and couldn't move.  I prayed and then finally went back to sleep.

Sunday, March 13, 2011