Friday, August 19, 2011

Review of Star Trek - Nemesis

There is a thing about Star Trek films; the odd numbered ones tend to suck.  The even numbered ones, like The Wrath of Khan and this one (being the tenth Star Trek movie), also tend to suck.

This film also happens to be the end of the run for the Next Generation crew (named that because their series is set approximately three generations after the original Star Trek).  Patrick Stewart (Captain Jean Luc Picard) asked to be let out of his three film contract three films ago, but was forced to gut out the role he loathes one more time.  It shows.

Data: Captain, there is a ship coming into sensor range.

Picard: ....

Data: Captain?

Picard: Yes.  Of course.  Man, we sure are in space.  Hey, let's all go on board the holodeck so that it can almost kill us again.

(Picard takes a drag off a poorly concealed cigarette)

Data: The ship, sir...

Picard: Ram it!

(long pause)

Worf: Perhaps we should bring it up on the view screen.

Picard: Ah, yes.  Whoa, look.  There it is.  Let's all look at the green screen.  Man, it sure is there.  Worf, hand me my light saber.

Worf: Uh, Captain...

(Picard stands, appears unbalanced, maybe intoxicated)

Picard:  I'm beaming aboard that ship!  I'll bitch slap every last one of them!

(He runs at the view screen with a howl, then bounces violently off of it)

The other problem I have with it is the cursing, especially by Patrick Stewart's character.  Not your standard curse words which normally constitute cussing; I'm talking about the actual laying down of a curse, like in the olden days.  Early in the film he actually turns to the camera and shouts, "A curse on all your houses!  May the sword and bloodshed never depart from your family, and may the tumors never depart from your groins!"  This is the first time I've actually approved of a family movie receiving an NC-17 rating.  Personally, I would have given it an X rating for that scene where Robert DeNiro shoots Harvey Keitel with the jangle pulse.

There is a plot of some kind, involving aliens and/or other dimensions or time travel, or something.  At the end, everyone dies.  If you like Star Trek, you'll probably like this movie.  If you like crap, you will also like this movie.  I give it one half star.


Wednesday, August 17, 2011

A dream - Melanie

Her name was Melanie, and we had been at her place talking for a while, enjoying each others company.  She was pretty, and young, and blonde with long hair.  I leaned in to kiss her, wondering if she would be receptive.  She was, and she kissed me back.  I covered her face with small kisses... her cheek, her lips, her neck, and her lips again, her forehead, her ears, her neck again.  I leaned her back as we kissed, and we were completely absorbed in each other.  I moved my hand up under her shirt and felt her breast.  I kissed her neck and her ear again, and pulled her shirt up and moved my kissing down.  This went on for some time, we both got really excited, and I had to stop.  Stop!  STOP!  "STOP!" I said.  I told her that we had to stop, I was getting too excited, we had to stop.  She pulled away and sat up and regarded me with a funny smile.  I got up kind of awkwardly and went into the bathroom to splash water on my face.  When I was in there, I heard noises in the house, of several people.  I hurried back out and caught a glimpse of Melanie sitting on the edge of her bed in her underwear and T-shirt, hands clasped and head down slightly.  When I caught her eye, there was a look of intense anger and almost hatred on her face in the way she regarded me.  I turned and saw that her entire family had arrived... mother, father, brothers and sisters, and several friends, and they were throwing a party.  Everyone was there, and our moment was over.  I went over to Melanie and sat next to her, and she scooched over hurriedly to get away from me.  I asked her what was wrong, and she said, "I hate you!" I was completely befuddled and shocked, and hurt.  What had I done? What the hell had I done?  I asked her, and she wouldn't talk to me.  I kept asking her, what did I do?  All she would say was "You know what you did!" What?  WHAT?  I grew exasperated.  I thought to myself... wasn't it always like this?  I'll never understand women and why they get mad.  They get pissed at me and I have no idea why.  I asked her one more time why she was angry with me.  "You should have told me my family was here!  You should have told me!  You disgust me!  Get away from me!"  I stood there and held my breath.  How was I supposed to know?  I had been in the bathroom when they showed up, I didn't know they were coming until they got here.  I thought, I'm not guilty!  I don't deserve this!  I imagined trying to explain all of this to her, how her anger for me was completely misplaced.  I imagined trying to describe the exact state of my brain and the synapses and how they were firing, and how that would completely describe my thoughts and my memories and my intentions and my innocence in this matter, but that would have just been exhausting, and it wouldn't have done a bit of good.  Her anger and hatred wasn't based on logic, it was based on woman.  Nevertheless... I exhaled slowly and approached her, and tried to... talk to her, to connect with her again somehow, but she started swatting at me and backing away.  It was at that moment that I noticed the Orthodox cross she was wearing around her neck.  It was gold, and encrusted with diamonds, and beautiful and shining.  I stopped and gasped, and said, "Oh my God, are you Orthodox?!"  And she stopped too, regarded me in confusion, and said, "Yes..." and I pulled my cross from under my shirt and let it lie on my chest.  She saw it and she too gasped.  We looked at each other, and she said, "I guess we have no choice.  We have to be friends." And she came forward and embraced me.