Friday, October 12, 2012

In other news

A Denton cop gave me a ride home the other night at 4:00 am when I was out walking and reading, right before it started to rain.  He knew me from the store because he comes in all the time, but I didn't recognize him immediately because it was dark and his flashlight was shining at me.  He had stopped his cop car halfway off of the road and onto the sidewalk, effectively blocking my path, shone his flashlight at me, and said, loudly: "What are you doing out this late?  Turn off that flashlight!  Come over here.  Turn that phone off.  Get over here now!"  Shit, I thought.  I walked over to him, and he said, "Hey man.  What's up?  Just kidding, you aren't in trouble.  You need a ride home?  It looks like it might rain."  I of course recognized him up close, so I didn't shit the imminent brick which I'd been preparing.  He gave me a ride home, and wouldn't you know it, I wound up leaving my phone in the cop car.  What happened was this: when the next cop on duty brought my phone back to the store (I dunno how he figured out who's phone it was and where I worked, my name isn't anywhere in that phone), everybody at work thought I had been mugged or kidnapped or thrown in jail or killed.  It was a real hoot.

Lets see... in other news, I banged my head so hard the other night in the cooler at work I saw stars for a second. On the way home from work I walked into a telephone pole. That was the second time I banged my head. My skull has served the purpose it was designed for.

Oh.  And I broke my hand a few weeks ago when I fell while I was out walking and reading at 2:00 am.  Just a hairline fracture though, and it's almost back to normal.  I still have to wear a brace though, because it hurts like the devil with I put the wrong kind of pressure on it.  Oh, and I broke my brand new e-reader too when I fell.  I was more upset about that than breaking my hand.

Uh... what else.  Um... oh yeah.  Pinback finally came out with a new album.  Thanks, Pinback!

A dream - The official ale of Gondor

I worked at Kroger, and this guy bought some beer and left. The person after him commented about how it was crappy beer. She was bald, and looked like she was maybe getting chemo. She didn't look happy. I said, "But Guinness is great beer!" And she said, "It wasn't the Guinness," and then she left without explaining what she meant. Then ano
ther employee handed me an empty bottle and said, "This is the beer he bought that she didn't like." I looked at the bottle. It was very hard to read, but I finally made out, Valemir. I held the bottle high before me, and said in a mighty voice, "Valemir, the official ale of Mordor! I mean... Gondor!" The other employee looked at me like I was retarded.

I read the side of the case the bottle came in, and it turns out that Valemir is a beer that goes along with this game, some kind of role playing game, and it was explaining how Bort Nansky (Bortniansky?) had even bought the game board that goes with it, for the really hard core players. I thought to myself, what makes this Bort person special, that he should be recognized for buying the board? Unless he's the only one who bought the board, ever. And if that's the case, what if it's a crappy game that nobody buys?

So then I was at home, looking at that bottle, and I saw that it didn't say Valemir, it said Vunemusko! WHAT? Well, it had been hard to read. So I held it aloft, and said in a mighty voice, "Vunemusko, the official ale of Mordor!" I mean... Gondor!" And that didn't sound right. So then I said, "Domo arigato, Vunemusko!" to my sister as she walked into the room. She looked at me like I was retarded, so I did it again. I wouldn't leave her alone with the Vunemusko thing, and I was bowing like a Japanese lunatic, and my head hit her head as it was bowing, and she said, "OW! that hurt, you know!" And I said, "Yeah, I have that recorded too. I think I'll save that one."

The most kickest-ass shirt in the known universe

The end of a long shift at 3:00 am at 7-Eleven, wearing the most kickest-ass shirt in the known universe. A customer gave this to me after I told him that the one he was wearing was awesome.