Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Tonight a pretty girl blew me a kiss. Later, another pretty girl gave me a kiss. There was a party, but I didn't stay. I don't know how to be at a party anymore. Like I ever did... but I'm an old man now anyway, so I've been out walking and reading, like I normally do. I'm tired now, so I think I'll sleep. I really don't know anything at all, not a damn thing. The kisses were nice though.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
I think I'm getting an inkling of what I need to do. I need to get away from all of this. I want to do that too. I'm stuck here, though. I feel so very thoroughly fucked. It seems unfair, I'm stuck. Not just a mental thing. I'm STUCK. I feel like I've been handed the key to everything, but the key is red hot, molten, full of painful heat upon heat upon heat. I can live through that, but who can decide to grab hold of something that hot and keep hold of it until it cools down? It's not a matter of just deciding. There are consequences, physical, painful consequences.