Tuesday, February 5, 2013

A startling truth

I think I've discovered a startling truth.  I regret the choices and mistakes I've made which led me to my present life condition, but I'm glad to be here. I regret getting hooked on drugs, but I'm glad the despair gives me a reason to pray.  I regret losing my only real friend, but I'm glad I got the church out of the bargain.  I regret not being a social creature, but I'm glad I have my solitude.  I regret that I don't have a financially stable career doing something I enjoy, but I'm glad I have my job.  I regret being a wreck of a person, but I'm glad I'm not dead. It seems to me that all of my regrets are balanced by something I'm glad of. On average, then, I have no regrets at all. But I'm also not a bit happy. Perfect balance. On average, I don't feel anything at all. I think I don't exist.

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