Here is a feeling of truth. I have an extreme sadness. I'm surrounded by people, good people who care. I'm alone inside myself. A sadness is debilitating, paralyzing, and it insinuates itself into my cells, from the inside out. It's a thing that makes me very tired. I'm so tired of it. I wish I could peel myself open with a scalpel, layer by layer, and scrape out this disease with a paring knife. It's so heavy and demanding. I feel like once it turns me gray all the way through, I'll just switch off like a blown fuse. Maybe a loud pop first.