Tuesday, April 22, 2014


This here, what I'm about to inflict upon whoever happens to read it, is for any atheists or agnostics... and for me, the constant doubter. But before I proceed, I'd like to establish a common denominator or something. You know - a place from which to firmly ground this fountain of bullshit that I've long espoused, upon which I'm about to embark.

But first... this just happened, and I gotta mention it. I'm walking, and it's dark, but there's some city light reflecting off of the low cloud layer. And as I'm walking and composing this story, I see to my immediate right, not ten feet away, on the other side of this barbed wire fence which I hadn't previously noticed, a miniature white horse galloping full speed, right past me, as if that were the most normal thing in the world to see at 4:30 a.m. on N. Locust in Denton, Texas. So, yeah. That just happened.

Anywho, what was I talking about?

Oh yeah. Ain't consciousness and awareness just really f'd up? Its like... you know, just think about it. This whole self-contained aliveness thing, this first person perspective we all have of piloting these meat machines from inside our own personal bone canisters, like H.G. Wells's Martians tromping around, ensconced in the hoods of their fighting machines, clumsily stomping this way and that way, observing and thinking and doing and trying to figure things out and be happy as we stomp around - amateur pilots at the helm of these miraculous organic engines - trying to connect and communicate and discover some kind of meaning to existence, but mostly just being giant douche bags to each other and to everything around us.

I digress, though - what I originally was saying was this: just take a look at existence around you. It doesn't have to be a long examination... just a brief glance. Life everywhere, right? Or the product of life? And not just life, but other things; all of which are held together by this ubiquitous 'thing' called the strong nuclear force, and another thing - a reality bending something or another called 'gravity' - which occurs as a result of the existence of every single thing, now and forever. And with all of this going on, the circumstance which describes the end result of trillions of different combinations of the raw materials comprising the universe agree with a particular outcome which can only be described by life itself.

Now, with all of that craziness actually being a real thing, how can anyone conclude that it is all a result of the completely random and unconscious processes of nature, which also happen to follow some arbitrary laws which ARE, for supposedly no reason at all? Man. Man, oh man. Sometimes it's the easiest thing in the world to have faith.

This is what I find myself thinking when I'm having doubts about God. It always serves to kick my mental ass and spiritual health back into gear.