Thursday, May 22, 2014

A dream - Missed the train

I had to catch a train at 11:28, and it was already 11:00, and I was supposed to meet Jennifer at this coffeshop/bookstore to hang out before I left.  I looked around and saw that I wasn't even packed yet, but I went ahead and started walking to meet up with her.  I was late getting there, as I was supposed to be there around 10:30, and I didn't see her anywhere, but the door guy said that she was waiting for me in the back where all the regulars hang out.  So I went through the store, and on the way to the back, I passed someone who I thought was Jennifer.  I looked at her and smiled, and she smiled back, nervously, and kept walking.  I turned and started to follow her, and she looked me in the eye and I got a good look at her, and I saw that it wasn't her.  She said, "Sorry man, I got nothing for you!" and hurried away, afraid that I was going to accost her.  I said, "Oh, it's just that you look just like somebody I know..."  but she had already gone.  I examined myself mentally to see if I really presented a threatening image.  I decided that I didn't, and that the girl was just weird.  So I got to the back room, and Jennifer was there, lying on this big mattress/sofa thing with a bunch of other people.  Jennifer looked up and waved me over, and I kind of picked my way through and over the mattress thing to get to her, stepping over people and items and books and stuff.  I got there and plopped down right next to her, and my arm naturally went around her shoulder as I settled down, but not purposefully.  I just seemed natural for it to fall there.  I hurriedly removed it, because her boyfriend is super sensitive, and I didn't want to upset him.  He wasn't there though... so I looked at Jennifer and said, "My train is about to leave, like... right now!" And she laughed and said "You don't have to go anywhere, you can just stay here with me!" And I looked at my watch and saw that it was 11:30, and that she was right, because I had missed my train.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Down the hall

It's been, what... 49 months I guess, and for the most part the pain has been relegated to an obscure closet, way way down the hall and locked up tight, with the lights unscrewed.  I can even forget it's there most of the time.  Sometimes I'll become aware of it though.  Something at work will remind me of her, or I'll run across a memento from back then, or I'll just see that Pantocrator icon she gave me and I'll realize that I've only thought that I'd forgotten.  I realize it's unlikely that we'll ever see or hear from each other again, and it seems to me that I've pretty much come to terms with that... but I'll never, ever forget, and I'll love her, more and more it seems, every day until my life reaches its final moment.  Weird, that.  Normally I'd have been totally fallen back out of love by now for two or three years.  Anywho.  That's that, I guess.  Time for beddy-bye.