Thursday, June 4, 2015

A bunch of innane drivel shaped exactly like bullshit... or, A whirling device of intricate metal comprised of razor blades and salt shakers.

Okay, so I'm wandering around aimlessly at night after work as I'm wont to do, and I'm reading some retarded crap that took place on Facebook the other day - a back and forth between myself and another mutual moron regarding some incontestable data of a factual nature acquired by the NASA Dawn probe, and just recently released to the public concerning the functional dynamics of a primordial wormhole connecting the dwarf planet Ceres to an alien quantum spaghetti maker/booger zapper/high power laser launching facility/bagel toaster and cream cheese, via the 11th dimension, and I'm guffawing my stupid head off.

So, as this was happening, I was of course ambulatory and not necessarily paying any attention to anything whatsoever. This being the case, I was just about to step off of the curb and into the street. Or the boulevard, actually. Carroll Blvd. Who knew Carroll was a boulevard? Did anybody know that? To me, it's always been just Carroll. Like... take a left on Carroll.

Hey now, wait a second... I do believe that my android phone just displayed some remarkably intelligent initiative! You know what happened? Well, lemme tell you. Firstly, I'm using my phone's voice recognition thingy instead of manually inputting all of these words. I mean, swype typing is really cool and all, but talk typing is even cooler because you're using vibrating molecules of air as your input method. Anywho.

What happened was that the first couple of times I mentioned Carroll, my phone spelled it 'carol'. So I had to go back and manually type in the way it's spelled as the street name. Pardon me... boulevard. But what was really cool was that after typing it in a couple of times, it started to spell Carroll the way it's spelled as a street name. Carol! Wait, now it's retarded again...

What was this about in the first place? Oh, the curb! So anyway... yeah. I would have stepped off of the curb and right onto the road, or into... which is it? Onto or into?

Hang on. You can't step into a road, can you? You can step into the path of something ON the road, and you can step into the path of a truck, for instance, which is ON the road. You can even step INTO the truck, thus commandeering it's use for your own purpose, such as swerving out of your own way as you step onto the road and into your own path... that is, the path of the truck. The same truck that you're driving upon the same road upon which or onto which you're stepping... that is, the same road which the path (of the truck) into which you are stepping, and (the truck) which you stepped into (it's a stepside dually) lies upon, making a single moment comprised of simultaneously stepping into the path, into the truck, onto the road, and onto the path (at the same time), in the form of stepping, concurrently necessitating the stepping of (that is, the stepping of that which steps) onto a path, as well as into a path, which naturally and inevitably and logically leads to a series of descriptions (in the brain that is, via a neural highway system) a series of descriptions describing the connective properties of certain (purely imaginative) time-like events, all of which serve to demonstrate that the purposeful act of merely, yet forcibly, acknowledging that the existence of a concept pertaining to a hypothetical idea regarding the unlikely probability that, given an elementary basis which supports a fundamental proof of any given idea which - hypothetically speaking, and having been given a proper impetus, naturally exacerbated by the motive characteristics of an operandi - may (or may not) lead to several identical postulations describing the same notion (or notions), erroneous and unassailable, that the mere thought, concept, idea, plan, suggestion, intention, or even the factual, physical ACT of stepping INTO a road is just about not exactly the same as impossible. That is, rarely. And only from a few extremely precise and inherently unlikely points of view. But the basic premise regarding the logical possibility that all the shit I just said, simultaneously conceptualized and singularly executed, may illustrate the pure nature of the pristine thought... never wrought yet forever sought, taught for nought, then caught, fought over and bought, and finally shit on, shat on and shot... will forever stand on a beautiful pillar of corroded sauerkraut.


Here are some actual real things that actually exist that you can really step into in real life, other than whatever the heck all that shit was up there that just got through being said.

A hole, of course. You can also step into a pile of dog shit, or a whirling device of intricate metal comprised of razor blades and salt shakers.

An awkward situation. A new identity, or a new skin. Figuratively or literally.

You can definitely step into a parlor, or an office. You can step into a wall, or even through a wall, via the stepping of into a doorway... but one thing I know for sure that you definitely CANNOT step into is a threshold. You also can't step into things which are necessarily under a certain size, or impossibly out of reach or motile. I mean, there has to be some kind of limit to all of this bullshit, or else things will just get really stupider and stupider.

Carroll Boulevard (it spelled it right that time, heck yeah!)

Oh yeah! Here's what I originally wanted to say way back at the beginning, before things got out of hand. So, as I was saying... there I was, laughing my butt off and just about to step right into the big ass middle of the road, and then I heard laughter off to my right. I stopped and looked, and there was this car full of girlies that I hadn't even noticed, parked right next to me and with all of the windows down. The girlie in the front seat was looking at me with this puzzled looking smile, like she wanted to be let in on the joke. That made me laugh some more, and then she started laughing, and then the entire car full of girlies started laughing...

So that's the way it was for about five seconds, with all of them just laughing and smiling and looking right at me, and me laughing and smiling back. And then I stepped right in front of an 18 wheeler and got scrubbed all over the boulevard.

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