Thursday, June 18, 2015


It was almost clear to me for a second there. I was thinking about how lost I am... there's this song called 'Lost Souls' by this band, and I was listening and sitting very still, staring at the moon, and just being quietly blown away that I was looking at a real thing, like I'd look at your face. Really there. I guess what makes it surreal is that the moon is so steeped in legend, so even though it's right there, just right up there, it still seems inaccessible. But there it is.

I was, just a few minutes ago, sitting on a curb.. about a block west of the square. On Hickory. Right across from that... hang on... just a little past that shoe repair shop. Across directly from Hypnotic Donuts. And biscuits. Who's heard of that place? Wow, I gotta check that place out.

Anyway, what was it. Oh... ok, I just severely flipped somebody off. One of those flip offs that lasts for a good long time, as you're following them with the finger while they escape the situation. The visualization of it only works when you're a pedestrian flipping off a moving vehicle.

I flipped the guy off because he almost ran me over at an intersection where I had the walk guy on the sign lit up. That really pisses me off, that fucker. What if somebody else not as wide-eyed and readily provoked as me was crossing at that time, and that drunk bastard (I'm assuming he was drunk... maybe he was just really young and really dumb, to go screaming through a left turn at a pedestrian crosswalk like that) ran right over that other possible person? Huh?

I have no sympathy. Young, dumb, drunk, retarded, whatever. I flipped 'um off for a long time, and then felt pretty terrible after, during the entire time I've been writing this description of what happened. It only just happened, you know.

Dammit, now I lost the frikin' thread of whatever it was I wanted to say, way back when.. GOLL! ! I ruined it by flipping the guy off. I could have ignored it and went on with whatever it was that was inspiring me. Whatever. it's too late now.

(two weeks later)

I remember what it was, that train of thought. I was looking at the moon and forging this rude comparison of the distant beauty of it to this image I have in my mind; the only moment in my life that meant enough for me to to burn it permanently into a cluster of neurons as a detailed memory. It's like a photograph in my mind now, as if it were only six years ago... smiling eyes before me, inches from my face.

Landmarks for the terminally lost. That's what I'd forgotten.

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