Tuesday, October 27, 2015

I have super reflexes

Lately I have super reflexes.  Within like, the past year or so... maybe a year and a half. 

I've been making spectacular saves left and right. Catching things that fall off of, bounce away from, slip through, or blow past other things, such as shelves, receptacles, fingers, and awarenesses.

Like paper for instance, which is especially hard to catch while it's aflutter. And also things that would normally break and shatter and make a horrendoufying mess, like a  plummeting wine bottle that I'll just happen to save miraculously with my instep, like a hackey sack.

Plus, wayward objects like smart phones and hot spots, which go flying away from and out of, like wet bars of soap.
And other things, such as beer bottles and salad plates and wine glasses and babies tossed into the air in rooms with low ceilings and high speed ceiling fans.

So, yeah. That's been happening, the whole 'holy shit, I've got super reflexes' thing. Seriously, I ain't trying to be funny. I've got suber-uper reflexes now, where I never did before.

It's got me thinking. Like, you know that trope where somebody discovers a thing that makes them awesome for a short while, only it's for some ridiculous price... like you gotta watch your dog die horribly, or you have to have sex with your uncle, or maybe you just flat out die after 24 hours? You know?

I'm thinking that must be why my reflexes are so good now. I think I was probably sleepwalking our something, and found some kind of cursed magic lamp with an evil genie that granted me these super reflexes. And now I'm just waiting to find out what the curse is.

Or, the other possibility is that I got abducted by aliens, and they gave me super reflexes, just for the helluvit.
Or, it could be that I'm the alien, like Superman, and I'm only just now starting to develop my superpowers, because I'm going through space puberty.

Any one of those reasons is just as good as the other. It's just so hard to choose which one I like best...

No comments:

Post a Comment