Thursday, May 14, 2015

A dream - Jerral is dead

I had a dream about Jerral. I was at this party-type get-together, with all of the fam, and friends from the old days. It was such a surprise to see Jerral walk up, just this huge, barrel-chested shape, unmistakable with his arms kind of out to the sides, just resting there on his massive chest muscles. Jerral walking up, looking like he always did. So huge and intimidating, unless you knew him. There he was, walking toward me with a big smile, looking like he did the last time I saw him. And I thought to myself, how stupid I've been, to ever think that he was dead.

The Scientist


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My Interpretation:
This song is about a broken relationship. How do I know? Because I know what this certain kind of broken relationship, the one the song is talking about, feels like. For anyone who has been through this, the lyrics describe it perfectly, and it's pretty much unmistakable. It's all about a guy (or a girl, I suppose) who is so very sorry that he screwed things up and wants to just erase the huge mistakes he made and go back to the start of the relationship, back when everything was ok and when she still loved him, and he is tortured by the memory of when she used to tell him things about herself and ask him questions about himself, about his life, his story... you know... the way it was at the beginning when she was excited and wanted to know everything about him and he was her world. And he's remembering those times, and how it was back than... especially how she said she loved him, how she used to say it all the time, and how he thought so little of it at the time, and how he never hears her say it anymore, and never will again... and now it haunts him, because he remembers her saying it now, he hears it in his head incessantly... he actually hears it now and pays attention to it now, now when she doesn't want him anymore. And he remembers all of the magic at the beginning, how it was then, when everything seemed perfect, and he understands his mistake... how he played the part of the scientist. How he took her for granted, thinking that her love would be as reliable and logical as a machine, not even realizing that he wasn't giving her the love and understanding and emotion that she needed... and how he analyzed everything and came up with logical reasons for all of the mistakes he made, making her seem wrong for just loving him and feeling hurt when he hurt her, and how he realizes now how he was letting their future love be decided by something as meaningless as a flip of the coin. The flip of a stupid switch. Logical statistics. And now he would give anything to just go back to the beginning and start over again, but it will never happen. His apologies are too late, his confession is too late, his realization is too late. He was the scientist instead of the lover, and he's lost her, and it's over, and he never ever knew, never ever had an inkling of how hard it would be without her.
   2 Years Ago
8 Replies
Very true, she hurts doesn't go away no matter how many miles, years we put between ourselves. We can never get back to where we were. And that hurts.
toritide · 2 Years Ago
Spot on!
vengefor · 2 Years Ago
You touched my heart... I respect your explanation !!!! Thanks to you I am able to tell the guy I love what I feel for him... First I had my doubts about our relationship. But it's true : DONT BE A SCIENTIST, BE A LOVER !!!! So happy that I read your part.. Thanks to you I have to courage and motivation to hold on this love. Thank you !!! God bless you !! Greetings from Amsterdam
Evolet · 1 Year Ago
you know i should have listened to this song awhile ago i'm a very similar situation. i'm kind of a "scientist" myself and when i heard your reply it kind of touched me I never really realized it but yes even a year after i cant forget this person and this song kind of helps me out you know. it reminds me im not alone out there and she might feel the same. remember i said similar situation its complicated.
TheSkepticCatholic · 1 Year Ago
Thank you eliash for writing what you did... you captured my experience as well, of course with slight variations. But the core is exactly the same. Maybe men tend to be scientific and very concerned with what is correct and wrong, because that is how we make it in the working world, and "manage" our surroundings. But that approach is not helpful in a relationship... and sometimes we learn too late. I am working on being able to do better next time, but the memories keep lingering. One other thing that might help -- sometimes the woman (and these behaviors do have some gender aspect in them) gets swept away initially and does not communicate well later, when she is not getting what she wants, and then suddenly says "It's over" and then it is too late. It is not all "his" fault, but that is not much consolation when missing the past.
PlanetThoughts · 1 Year Ago
Uhm.. Does that relationship end up crashing..? If there is someone in that type of relationship and the two are constantly just bickering and trying to keep it together because they both are trying to get over ones mistake together.. They really want to work it out but its so hard... Do those relationships typically end or have a crashing ending..?
turtle2312 · 11 Months Ago
Very very true! When I was pregnant on my way to work I would cry like mad. His scientist had taken over and become mad and only got worse later. While I admit I am a bad communicator and bad showing my feelings they were always there. But Mr. Jekyll literally became Dr. Hyde. I wish for the beginning to but know I can never go back. Beautiful interpretation.
gwaziii · 9 Months Ago
@eliash wow. I love the way you explained it. I've actually been in this exact kind of situation and I was the one who got screwed over by the guy. Now I hope he feels the way the guy in this song does but I feel like I'm more hurt than he is.
kelseyp07 · 1 Month Ago
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Copyright 1999-2013
About Terms

How it feels

I'm thinking about dying.
I'm considering the end.
I'm wondering about it.
I'm wondering what happens to the music in my head.
I'm worrying about that.
I care that my memories might disappear.
I'm afraid I might be wrong.
I'm afraid of hell.
I'm thinking of all the people I've damaged.
I'm thinking of all the beauty in the world.
I'm thinking of my little tiny self.
I'm thinking of eating a hamburger.
I'm hoping my life is worth something on the plus side of the gray misty source of all phenomena.
I'm thinking of my favorite joke.
A bear and a rabbit were taking a shit in the woods. The bear turned to the rabbit and said,, "Say, do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?" "No," replied the rabbit, so the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.
I'm laughing.
Oh God, why is that so funny?
Is it the nonchalant way that the bear just uses the rabbit as a personal waste disposal device, just moments after acknowledging it as a fellow intelligence? Is it that surprisingly blatant and purposefully disdainful categorization of a fellow and brother as a mere piece of trash?
Why is that so funny?
Oh God, why is its so funny when the bear wipes its ass with the rabbit?
Then the weather started doing this crazy thing, but first, something out of a happy ending happened, is what happened... I found my umbrella, which had been lost in Denton for weeks, and right then... Oh my God, everything went to hell in a hand basket right then.
Wow. Just... Wow. Wow, fucking wow! The wind was like a wall, a wall, a wall! Holy SHIT! I thought, and holy crap, holy crap, I'm blinded and what was that, oh shit. I can't believe what's happening, I can't see, and... and... wait, there's Jupiter, right there. Right over there, on the clear western horizon, with stars. I must must be dreaming. Everything besides the western horizon is going to hell, so I must be dreaming.
This is one of those rare real moments. An instant memory which keeps going as a moment, somehow. It's everything about the moment. Damn... it's the night, the lack of light, the temperature of the air, the movement of the air as it moves over and past my skin, and just the sound of it, humid and cool. That can't possibly be a real thing that I'm experiencing and remembering right now.
It has to be a dream.

Everything feels like a dream now.

See, this is what I'm talking about.

And all I can think of now, is, how can this be real, how can this be real, how can this be real.