As of right now, I have...
140 feet of bamboo, harvested locally from the Amber Waves of Bamboo behind my compartment complex.
That's a lot of bamboo, but I don't think it's quite enough... so I knew that I'd know that I'd have known that somehow I'd have to figure out how much bamboo I'm gonna need. And that to do that, I'd have known that first I'd have to use coffee straws to build a 3-D wireframe blueprint of the hang glider. Which is exactly what I knew I'd wind up doing, which I did.
Once I'd gotten the shape right, I tried to calculate exactly how much bamboo that would translate to in real life, and super-calculus just wasn't super enough for number crunching of this order of magnitude.
So I invented 3-D paper, and a brand new method for expressing numerals and variables in 3-D to go along with it, along with the Zencil, which is basically a ball of pencil encased in a spherical graphite shell. By the way, cursive script looks amazing when written in every possible direction at the same time. I can't believe they're phasing that out of elementary school.
Anyway, all of that was just so I'd have the right symbology for hyper-calculus, which I invented next. Not to brag or anything, but hyper-calculus beats the shit out of super-calculus all the way back to the first dimension, lemme tell ya...
So then I of course hyper-calculused the shizzyschnitzels out of that model made out of coffee straws, with the resulting mathematical singularity instantly evaporating in a blinding burst of virtual particle pairs, leaving behind only a sparkling after-image of the result, suspended in mid-air and slowly rotating...
*** 160 FEET, + OR - A FEW FEET ***
*** END OF LINE ***
...until it finally dissipated quietly.
Ok, 160 feet, plus or minus (pretty close to my back of the envelope estimates, by the way) which gives me some room for the weebles to wobble. Meaning that I might even be able to sneak by with just 140 feet.
All of that which I just described came, of course, after a lifetime of scouring increasingly obscure online archives for a method of curing bamboo that doesn't require three months of salt water soaking - followed by a year of drying - in a humidity controlled environment with a twenty foot ceiling. There was no way I could wait that long, because I knew that I probably wouldn't even remember any of this a year and a half from then, which is about eight months from now...
So it was a miracle when, about five minutes ago, I happened upon an ancient BBS server dating back to the Aztec-Inuit Wars of 1993 which was, amazingly, still online, and hosting several top secret R&D message threads between the Coordinated Information Apparatus and the Advanced Weapons Division of the Aztec War Ministry, detailing recent (at the time) technological breakthroughs in the field of advanced heat application for the purpose of bamboo weaponization.
Kind of anticlimactic, really, because nowadays you can acquire a propane blowtorch at almost any hardware store for around $20, as this once fearsome technology is now considered safe enough for general public use. Moving on.
Finally, after I've cured approximately 150 or so feet of bamboo with a propane blowtorch, I can start thinking about putting all of the pieces together in ways that nature never intended.
Then... LOOKOUT! Because here comes the One Man Doom Squad, and with robot boots to boot.