Saturday, September 4, 2010


I got them boogies in my nose.
They grows and grows and never goes.
I'd wash them boogies with a hose,
But that don't work it only slows
The growth of boogies in my nose.

Heaven knows I never chose
To have them boogies in my nose.
They there so long it seems they froze,
Way up there where the wind don't blows.
Them boogies nestled in my nose.

I blows and blows and blows and blows,
Then hold the rose under my nose...
But still them boogies never goes.
The snot it never flows no moes
I guess it only goes to shows
That I have boogies in my nose.

Friday, September 3, 2010

The cut of my jib

Somebody came in the store today and said to me, "I like the cut of your jib." What the heck does that mean? thought I. I posted the question on facebook and Fr. Justin replied thusly:

"Cut of your jib: One's general appearance and demeanour.

The jib of a sailing ship is a triangular sail set between the foretopmast head and the jib boom. Some ships had more than one jib sail. Each country had its own style of sail and so the nationality of a sailing ship, and a sailor's consequent opinion of it, could be determined from the jib.

The phrase became used in an idiomatic way during the 19th century."

Well, if that didn't make my pride swell. Somebody likes the cut of my jib. :) But then I imagined myself strung up between the foretopmast head and the jib boom. :p

A dream - injury and justice

I dreamed last night that a woman was lied to and made to give up her ovaries to a scientific experiment. It was displayed on a computer screen... all the parts of a woman's ovaries, but it was all mechanical, with gears and conveyor belts and sliding hydraulic pumps, moving eggs along mechanically constructed fallopian tubes... but there was a point were the eggs were diverted. They fell onto another conveyor belt. Each egg glowed bright blue, and some had partially formed arms and legs. I saw each of these eggs as a potential human as I watched, as a distant observer. They were being deposited into a tank where experiments would be performed, without the knowledge of the woman.

She was drugged, and put into an ambulance, thinking that she had been injured. She kept calling for the one she loved, the one who had talked her into this and lied to her, but he never appeared. She was taken away, and needles were put into her. I cringed when I watched this and had to turn away, as I have a great aversion to needles. Nevermind the horror of what was going on.

Some weeks later, when she was back to her life, she still had no knowledge of what had happened to her. Then the guy she was in love with sent her an e-mail, detailing everything they had done, trying to convince her of the 'good' of it. He was actually trying to justify it. At this point, I was active in the dream. I warned her that this man didn't love her, that he had further designs for her in his experiment.

Later we are all together in her apartment, and the man is there in person, pleading his case. I attacked him with a rod, trying to beat him, but I was subdued. Then we were all underwater, and the man had a knife to my throat. There were several voracious looking fish circling us; they looked like giant piranah, but we couldn't see their teeth. The man drew the knife across my throat, but it was a dull serrated edge, and only drew a little blood. He examined the blade and seemed astonished that I wasn't dead. Then he had the idea to snare one of the fish to finish me off. He caught one, reeled it in, but instead of going for me, it opened its gaping maw, filled with rows of razor sharp teeth, and latched onto the mans face. He screamed in agony, but it was muffled because his screams were going down the throat of the fish. Finally the fish let go, and I saw the mans face, gouged deep with teeth marks. His head was now one mass of yellowish green decay. But the fish hadn't had enough yet... the mans screams were muffled again as the fish once again latched on.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Green Vs. Green

As I stare out the window, I see trees on the mountainside, blowing in the windy rain. The closer trees are a dull bright green (a contradiction in terms, but with no sunlight, there is no other way to describe them). The ones further away are a darker, kind of pine green, behind the closer ones. And even further than that, there is a dark green patch which blends into the black of the farthest point of vision on this mountainside, completely ensconced in shadow. Imagine these layers of green, with the brightest and closest moving the most rapidly... then through layers, with less motion and less green, until you finally reach the black motionless part.

I watch this black part and am annoyed at the interruption of the bright greens and lesser greens as they obstruct my vision of it because of the wind. It is very windy here. Nevertheless, I stare for a long time, losing track of time even, at the blackest part of the green, where it becomes completely black... towards the farthest point away from where I am, over there on the mountain. But still, the closer portions move the most relative to my position and keep obscuring my vision to the point that I start noticing the brighter parts.

The brighter part, superimposed upon the darker, blacker part that I was concentrating on, what with it's movement and all, begins to look like the slavering jaws of a monster which is trying to consume me as I gaze into that black part. I don't know what this means, if it means anything. Probably nothing. Everything doesn't have to be symbolic in my life. But I could have sworn that the rapidly moving bright dull green movement was trying to consume me as I lost myself in the black.


Today I came home early. It was my turn. I was just sitting on the couch, watching 'The Last Samurai'. It's a pretty good movie. I was just going over in my head... is it a good movie, or a great movie? I'd say, just in between good and great.

I was sitting there on the couch, just a few minutes ago. On the left side, against the arm. I looked to my right... what if someone was sitting there? Next to me? Where would that person be? Close, or far away, on the other side?

I imagined that someone sitting close to me. I put my arm along the back of the couch. Where would that person's shoulder be? Right about there. I looked at my hand, imagining it cupping a shoulder. I adjusted it up and down, an inch here, a little bit forward... right about there seemed right.

Their head? Upright, or leaning against my chest? I imagined against my chest. I put my hand where that person's head would be and imagined stroking hair, against my palm, through my fingers. It took a minute or two to get it right, but then I had it. A good vision of what it would be like. Almost a memory.


Last Thursday I began to feel sick about halfway through the day. A pounding headache, chills, and a stomach ache. I've had stabbing stomach pains before, but these weren't like that... more like aching anxiety in my stomach. I walked home and just felt steadily worse and worse as the day progressed. I went to bed early and didn't go in the next day. I looked up the symptoms online, and with no fever to accompany all of that, the most likely cause was stress. Kind of a mild nervous breakdown is what I chalked it up to.

Last night I didn't get drunk, per se, but I was definitely buzzed. I went to bed early again, at about 5:30 (I think I'm still on Texas time). I woke up in the middle of the night with horrible stomach cramps. Again, not like the 'stabbing pains'; lower down in my gut as opposed to my stomach. I lay there for about an hour enduring it, then got up and went to the bathroom. Chaos ensued.

I won't go into the gory details, except that both ends were very active. Horrible. For an hour I was in there, constantly flushing the commode and either sitting and cramping, or curled on the floor with horrible nausea. I finally prayed to God to please, take the pain away, and I promise I'll do better.

The pain immediately began to fade. It was almost like that a time at vigil one night when my stomach started to cramp, and I prayed to God to take away the pain, and He did. This time I made a promise though... that I would do better.

These last few weeks have been the most stress I've ever felt in my life, I think. Even worse than when I was on drugs. I've never really experienced stress to the point where it just wreaks havoc on me physically. I've been away from church, I miss my friends and family, I'm trying to deal with a broken heart, I'm drinking constantly, and I'm depressed and just not happy being here. The novelty has definitely worn off. I don't like this nervous breakdown crap.

Only three more weeks.