Only

Last Thursday I began to feel sick about halfway through the day. A pounding headache, chills, and a stomach ache. I've had stabbing stomach pains before, but these weren't like that... more like aching anxiety in my stomach. I walked home and just felt steadily worse and worse as the day progressed. I went to bed early and didn't go in the next day. I looked up the symptoms online, and with no fever to accompany all of that, the most likely cause was stress. Kind of a mild nervous breakdown is what I chalked it up to.

Last night I didn't get drunk, per se, but I was definitely buzzed. I went to bed early again, at about 5:30 (I think I'm still on Texas time). I woke up in the middle of the night with horrible stomach cramps. Again, not like the 'stabbing pains'; lower down in my gut as opposed to my stomach. I lay there for about an hour enduring it, then got up and went to the bathroom. Chaos ensued.

I won't go into the gory details, except that both ends were very active. Horrible. For an hour I was in there, constantly flushing the commode and either sitting and cramping, or curled on the floor with horrible nausea. I finally prayed to God to please, take the pain away, and I promise I'll do better.

The pain immediately began to fade. It was almost like that a time at vigil one night when my stomach started to cramp, and I prayed to God to take away the pain, and He did. This time I made a promise though... that I would do better.

These last few weeks have been the most stress I've ever felt in my life, I think. Even worse than when I was on drugs. I've never really experienced stress to the point where it just wreaks havoc on me physically. I've been away from church, I miss my friends and family, I'm trying to deal with a broken heart, I'm drinking constantly, and I'm depressed and just not happy being here. The novelty has definitely worn off. I don't like this nervous breakdown crap.

Only three more weeks.