Monday, December 15, 2014

More of the same

When I hear a certain song, it makes me grimace. My lip curls up on one side of my face, almost as if I had tasted something bad. A disgusted snarl is probably a good description. It's one half of a frown, the bottom half... and left that way, it would just mean frustrated and pissed off.

But I can feel my eyes and my forehead clench up into an expression that is more grief than pissed. On either side of my eyes, near my temple on both sides, the muscles contract inward. The part of my upper lip directly under my nose scrunches up, almost as if it were trying to push my eyes closed. It definitely feels like a struggle between these two muscle groups; the ones at the top of my face and the ones at the bottom, as if this were a natural reflex to stop tears from coming out. Grief stricken on top and pissed off on the bottom and shoved together violently, like two magnets trying to repel each other and held together that way forcibly.

Its a feeling of extreme anguish. Its extreme emotion. A really hard, shiny, glossy pain; a beautiful bright and reflective pain that attracts with a compelling force. An irresistible force, like gravity when it crushes.

What? Why does it do that? What purpose does that serve, that kind of emotional reaction? Is that nature's way of thinning out the herd, by nurturing suicidal tendencies through beautiful pain?


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  3. My goodness that IS a sad one. Reminds me of "Love Actually" when one of the characters got sad so she sat and cried while listening to a Joni Mitchell CD. Turn on some reggae. It's feel good music to the core.