Saturday, April 9, 2016

Star Bores - The Gritty Reboot

I watched the new Star Bores movie tonight. Wow! That was the best remake I've ever seen! Holy cow! They even had all of the same actors playing the same characters! Ham Yoyo, Princess Laidup, Creepio, Barstool, Chew-bacco, Lube Guystalker, Garth Gaydar (an albeit melted one), and even Oldie Von Moldie! Super cool!

I thought it was great how this movie followed the original movie EXACTLY, with the poor kid on Tattooine scratching out a living, and then escaping in the Aluminum Beercan in the nick of time with this fat dreidel that has the secret hologram in its SD card, just like Barstool in the original Star Bores!

Then there was that part where the stormtrooper rescued that other guy, what's his face... who was that, anyway? I thought the Saarlac got him. Anyway, that happened, then the helmet comes off, and SURPRISE, I'm here to rescue you, and I have your dreidel, plus I also got this hella fine chick! Let's go!

Then Ham Yoyo gets killed at the Death Star Planet, just like Oldie Von Moldie in the first one, and everybody got pissed off, and a bunch of  innocent stormtroopers got blasted on the way out! Awesome!

Oh yeah, and the Death Star Planet blew up a planet with the Death Ray. A bunch of planets. I thought that was going a little overboard, but whatever.

Then after all that stuff happens, there's this countdown that Death Thing has to wait for before it can blow up the... rebels? Rabble rousers? Resistance! That's it. So the resistance blows up the Death Star instead, because it had this secret vulnerable spot right there on the surface, and it wasn't just two meters... that dadgum thing was like, a gazillion times bigger than a womprat! So some x-wings fly down the trench and blow up the whole damn thing in the nick of time! Wow, I never even saw that coming!

There was even a party in this cantina bar thing, and a big ugly emperor hologram thing, and a Garth Gaydar type dude who got seduced by the dork side of the farce, just like that other guy from the other movie! SUPER COOL!

The one thing that really surprised me was when Oldie Von Moldie showed up at the end! I can't believe that guys still alive, man! Plus, didn't he already get the sword put to him by Gaydar in Star Bores, part 4?

Anyway. Great gritty reboot of Star Bores!

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