Tuesday, January 10, 2017


I have a serious problem, as should any reasonable, thinking being, with this particular command:

Clean off your desk!

You know, it really should be clean ON your desk instead of clean OFF your desk, since the word 'OFF' kinda means 'away from', suggesting to the irrational mind that cleaning should occur away from your desk. I know exactly what you're thinking, so please bear with me, because my point is vitally important.

For instance... say you were obligated to give a retarded kid a piggyback ride, because of for whatever or something. You'd use this sentence structure to communicate with the retard:

verb, preposition, pronoun, noun

It's the exact same sentence structure used in the original statement under critical examination here:

Clean off your desk

But in this case, it would be:

Climb on my back

Now, since retards are mentally skittish to begin with and easily confused and are all lacking any real understanding regarding the nuance of natural language, it's critical that you should convey your meaning to one as simply and literally as possible, so as to avoid eliciting a short circuit - or a brain burn, as it's referred to clinically - inside the thick, insulated skull casings which house the coagulated brain mush which clumsily controls the primary retarded functioning of the retard, such as inhaling, excreting, swallowing, screaming incoherently, drooling, and going flat out apeshit.

You see, saying 'clean off your desk' as a suggestion for the actual cleaning up of the surface of a desk is the exact same thing as saying 'get off my back' to a retard that's expecting a piggyback ride. The incongruence instantly triggers apeshit mode, as retards are too stupid to understand anything but the simplest, most literal of communicationing.

The brain of the common retard is comparable to the big, clunky mechanical calculators of the early 20th century... loud, slow, inefficient, extremely limited in functionality, prone to overheating and routinely resulting in grotesque error and mechanical breakdown, and defaulting automatically into apeshit mode at the slightest provocation.

Now, if you were to say to a full on, modern day retard -

'Clean off your desk'

- that retard would immediately default to apeshit mode and would begin an energetic and completely retarded attempt to clean everything in the room BUT the desk. And by CLEAN, I mean DESTROY COMPLETELY, according to the clunky brain hammerings of the total retard which has just been commanded to clean everything except for something while operating as full on retard going apeshit in full on apeshit mode.  Obviously, the results would be devastating.

Since it's impossible to calculate with any certainties whether or not the person or persons standing in front of you, or anyone within earshot who may be receiving your omnidirectional cleaning suggestions for that matter, is or are fully retarded, it is therefore vital to broadcast these communications clearly, simply, and literally, especially when you're posting them online indiscriminately to millions of potential full-on retards. A careless command to 'lick clean a dirty ashtray' could initiate a full scale retard apocalypse, and that would spell the end for all of us... the retards included.

And that would just be a shame.

So, have a care when speaking aloud or typing loudly, wherever you are. You never know when a full blown retard might be in range. The future of the Earth, the survival of our species, blah blah blah.

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