Facebook

BREAKING NEWS!

CRITICAL UPDATE! 

FACEBOOK (meta lol) IS TRYING TO STRONG ARM ME! 

DON'T MISS MY VAST OPINION!

COMING UP NEXT! 

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Dear Facebook (meta lol):

Look, guys. I don't have a phone, and I'm sure as hell not giving my number to you even if I did, after that GESTAPO THREAT TACTIC of losing my Facebook account without a phone number that you guys are demanding. 

I DON'T HAVE A PHONE BECAUSE I DON'T WANT ONE. I CAN DO ALL THE COMMUNICATION I NEED OVER THE INTERNET, WITH ALL KINDS OF SOFTWARE THAT'S AVAILABLE, WHICH WORKS EXACTLY THE SAME WAY AS A PHONE DOES. GOT IT? I HAVE AN INTERNET CONNECTION AND A VALID EMAIL!

AND, you guys already have two of my valid email addresses. Actually, three - my Gmail, my Hotmail, and my Yahoo. 

So... I'LLBE DAMNED TO HELL BEFORE I GIVE YOU GUYS MY PHONE NUMBER, IF I EVEN HAD ONE, WHICH I DON'T, AFTER THAT THREAT. MY PHONE AND WALLET WERE STOLEN ALMOST A YEAR AGO, AND IT WAS MY PERSONAL DECISION NOT TO GET ANOTHER PHONE. IT'S NONE OF YOU GUYS'  BUSINESS.

And... WHY SHOULD I PAY EVEN MORE FOR A PHONE, WHENEVER I'VE ALREADY CONNECTED TO THE INTERNET, WHICH I CAN USE TO COMMUNICATE WITH ANYBODY AROUND THE GODDAMN WORLD? ARE YOU GUYS RETARDED? ARE YOU STUPID? DO YOU REALLY THINK THIS STRONG ARM TACTIC BULLSHIT IS GOING TO WORK? 

Now. If you guys hadn't tried to strong arm me, I'd have posted my number as a general rule... and probably my relatives' numbers, like my sister or my mom or my brother, once I got around to it like I always have. But now? 

No fucking WAY.  

I also have an Oculus Quest 2 that I paid $350 for, including the elite head strap. So, what's it gonna be? Do you want my money whenever I pay for apps and games for my Quest 2? Do you want the guaranteed continued source of revenue from me due to my Quest 2 when I pay for games and apps from your store, or do you want my phone number that doesn't even exist? 

Also... How am I supposed to give you a phone number if it doesn't even exist? Riddle me that, geniuses! You can't force me to go out and buy a phone and pay a phone bill. That's my right, and I ain't going to do it. I was thinking about it, but after this... no way. 

Or... I just might do it, but you ain't getting the phone number. No way in hell. It would be like me handing a shotgun to someone, threatening me that if I didn't give them the shotgun, that they would kill me with their AR-15. Do you see the lack of logic in the situation? Exactly which one of you retarded autistic troglodytes came up with the idea of demanding phone numbers, or cutting off Facebook accounts? Who's the unfettered mongoloid that thought that threatening your user base was a super-awesome idea? 

That's how stupid it would be for me to give you my phone number if I had one after that threat I just received from you guys. If it wasn't for my Oculus Quest 2, I'd be long rid of you assholes. you run a gestapo state with your online community, and I tolerate it because it keeps me in touch with certain people. But I can be in touch with those same people without any help from you guys. It's my Oculus Quest 2 that is really pissing me off about the threat you guys issued me. Terminating my Facebook account if I don't hand you my phone number means losing access to my Oculus Quest 2, which also means that I'm out the $350 that I paid to you freaking criminals. 

That threat of shutting down my account if I don't have a phone which I'd have to pay an extra phone bill for won't just end with me. If you guys shut down my Facebook account, you guys will be in PR hell. Do you want to be in PR hell? Oh my god, you guys will be the shit show of the decade. Imagine a thousand, 100,000, a million angry Facebook users with Oculus VR headsets getting their accounts shut down because they don't want to give you their phone number, and then complaining about it to everybody who will listen - including the associated press, the local press, the TV news, the internet news, oh boy. You guys must really be looking for the next way to shoot yourself in the goddamn feet. Not foot, feet! That's how stupid you guys are for threatening me like this.

If you guys cut off my Facebook account and I can't access my Oculus Quest 2 anymore, there will be hell to pay. I can't repeat that enough times. Do you know why I know this? Because I'm not a retarded mongoloid, and I realize that you guys are making threats like this to other people. You know it's real easy in this day and age for victims of strong-armed tactics issued by multi-billionaire companies like you fag-holes to make a great big ruckus about it and cause a scene that will get noticed. 

Here's a head scratcher for you to ponder in your free time... Do you know what your tactics are? They remind me a lot of communist USSR, fascist Germany and Italy, underdeveloped nations in Africa and North Korea, and big fat assholes smoking cigars counting money at boardroom tables coming up with ways to make threats that will only affect a small portion of their user base, but you've got that wrong, morons. 

Why? Because I'm this day and age people can band together and get noticed. And by threatening me by saying that you're going to terminate my account if I don't give you my phone number, that's a big mistake. And just because you've renamed yourselves meta doesn't mean jack shit. 

Also... Your meta isn't as meta as you thought it was going to be, you know. You're going to need all the users that you can scrape up to populate your brave new world. And if you do this to enough people, a class action lawsuit will result. You'll be taken to court, and not by just one person defending themselves against you, but thousands. and our lawyers will match your lawyers in a heartbeat. And you will lose. even if this comes to head and doesn't go to court, the PR damage will be enough to ruin you. you'll be really sorry. I can just imagine a big fat boardroom shit-heel ssmoking a cigar and crying into an ashtray.

You cannot demand this kind of stuff from your customers. Not only is it morally wrong, it's simply despicable. It's a sign which rentals the vile structure supporting your company. Threatening to terminate my Facebook account means terminating my Oculus Quest 2 access. 

If you bastard ass clowns think you can get away with strong armed techniques like this to force me to give up personal information, you've got a great big kick square in the nuts coming, right around the corner.

So... I DON'T GIVE A FLYING RATS' ASS IF YOU'RE A PUBLIC OR PRIVATE COMPANY. AND CLASS ACTION LAWSUIT OR NO, IT WON'T MATTER BECAUSE THE PR DAMAGE WILL BE IRREPARABLE. 

DO YOU GUYS REALLY WANT TO RISK THAT? BECAUSE YOU AIN'T GETTING MY NONEXISTENT PHONE NUMBER. YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO GET SOME OTHER PEOPLE TO GIVE YOU THEIRS, BUT NOT MINE. AND I'M NOT ALONE. I GUARANTEE YOU, IF YOU CUT OFF MY ACCESS TO MY QUEST 2 BY TERMINATING MY FACEBOOK ACCOUNT WHICH I'VE HAD SINCE 2008, YOU GUYS JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND THE SHITSTORM THAT WILL BE HEADED YOUR WAY. BECAUSE I WILL MAKE THE BIGGEST RUCKUS THAT ONE MAN CAN MAKE, AND IT WILL SPREAD. BECAUSE THIS IS WRONG, IT BRANDS YOU AS AN EVIL CORPORATION, AND YOU JUST MIGHT GET BOYCOTTED. YOU MAY BE A MULTI-BILLION DOLLAR COMPANY NOW, BUT BIGGER COMPANIES THAN YOURS HAVE FALLEN BECAUSE OF INFLATED EGOS AND HUBRIS. 

Again... ABOUT YOUR THREAT. MY PRIVACY IS MY CHOICE! I LIVE IN THE UNITED STATES, NOT BUM-FUCKED EGYPT. AND LIKE I SAID, REGARDLESS OF WHETHER OR NOT FACEBOOK IS PUBLICLY TRADED OR STILL PRIVATE, THAT WON'T MAKE A DAMN BIT OF DIFFERENCE WHENEVER THE BALL GETS ROLLING, WHENEVER I SPREAD THE NEWS ABOUT THIS BULLSHIT.

You guys are already recovering from some really bad PR by leaking all of that personal information from your customers, so threatening to terminate my account if I don't give you my phone number is tantamount to committing PR suicide. 

SO... don't even try to pull this shit with me. You'll be sorry, and everyone else you try to pull this shit with is going to feel the same way, and eventually it's going to build up into a shitstorm that you guys do not want to be rolling down the avenue, ready to encapsulate every one of you in suffocating, stinking piles of legal sewage. 

One last thing, you goddamn unfettered moronic retarded troglodytic mongoloids. If I receive another threat from you about cutting off my account because I won't give you a phone number that I don't have, I'm going to report this shit to every news source that I can. 

You won't believe how many thousands of emails I will send out. And I'll try my damnedest to spread this story to the media. Other people will know about this. This is a ball of diarrhea you guys do not want me to build just for you, all wrapped up with a bow on top. I'm an American citizen, and I have a right to my privacy. You're a company and you provide a service, but you're evil, and that is bad PR. You'll wind up ruined and Google-Plus will take your place. How humiliating will that be? It's happened before. 

It amazes me that evil of this magnitude exists in the world. You guys should be fucking ashamed.

DON'T FUCK WITH ME AGAIN. PUT ME IN FACEBOOK JAIL IF YOU WANT, I DON'T GIVE A SHIT. I'VE BEEN THERE A HUNDRED THOUSAND MILLION TIMES. HALF THE TIME I DON'T EVEN KNOW THAT I'M THERE, BECAUSE I POST WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT. AND YOU GUYS ALWAYS MISUNDERSTAND IT. IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE ALL STUPID STUPID TINY LITTLE PEOPLE. TINY STUPID PEOPLE WITH LOTS OF MONEY, WITH NO IDEA HOW TO BOLSTER YOUR PR, OR TO RUN A MULTI-BILLION DOLLAR CORPORATION WITHOUT THROWING ALL OF THAT MONEY AWAY BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO STUPID TO PUT IT ON THE TABLE NEXT TO THE STOVE AND NOT ON TOP OF THE GODDAMN BURNER. YOU RETARDED, STUPID STUPID PEOPLE.

Don't threaten me again. You won't receive a nonexistent phone number from me. You won't receive revenue from me because I own an Oculus Quest 2. I'll never buy another app from you guys. I'm one man, but revenue from one man down the drain can add up to revenue from a thousand people down the drain, then 100,000 people down the drain. 

You've already got a lot of competition in the VR arena, so I wouldn't fuck it up like this. Because that's what you're doing, and that's where this will lead you toward. A big fuck up with your VR game, and other companies will be glad to take your place. Don't fuck it up. Don't fuck with ME. You have no idea what I'm capable of. And truthfully, I don't either... but I'm pretty sure we'll both find out, and this will all end in tears. 

-Ash